Pathetic....I AM!

For E. N.

I am loving you for so long now...before I was so attuned to loving
you from afar, now I am loving you in vain...and in vain, I'll love you
forever...I never had a chance with you, I guess never will I stand
a chance with you. But that never stopped me from loving you,
not yesterday, not today, not even tomorrow...
No one could ever take your place.

For you.
Every is yours....Giving you all the right to own it, love it,
break it, keep it... just don't bring it back to me....

I wish one day you'd miss me that no matter how hard you search for me,
you won't find me. I wish one day you'd remember my face that no matter
you wish to forget, it'd keep haunting you. I wish one day you'd love me
that no matter how hard you ignore it, you would always feel the pain.
Then you'd be hurt, then you'd cry, then you'd long to be with me,
only to realize I was gone and could love you no more...

Never in life had I been more bitter since we parted and the day
I'd learned that you could never be mine. You were never mine.
Inspite of that I never regret loving you, for in you I have learned
that love is indeed wonderful, yet mysterious...in loving I always

had the chance to smile amidst the pains and the tears!

P. S.

Wherever you are...be happy always and smile...I am always thinking of you...

and hoping that everything's okay with you. I've learned that you're in a happy
relationship right now, good for you. I guess I have to thank God for
making you a happy man and I hope He continues to keep it that way...


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Well, I thought I was alone..the only pathetic person on earth...
Check this out pipz!!!!!
http://heartbrokn4eva.tripod.com/id5.html
Love is universal, huh! Victims are scattered all over the world - victimizing young and old alike....

Spending-Scrimping 101

A Woman's Money Life Stages

If you are 20-25 years old - You probably just entered the workforce or haven' t been working for that long. Take advantage of your youth and start saving 10% of your paycheck per month. Start building a good credit history by applying for your first credit card and regularly paying off. But don't spend all your time scrimping and saving. These are your "me" years, when everything is possible and you don't have too many financial obligations (Oh..but I have alotta financial obligations, sending my younger bro to college is one, could I still possibly save 10%?!? Whew, a sugar sister!- janis). While you are still young and are free, do all the things you've always wanted to do. Travel to a far-off places or rent your own apartment.

Once you are 26-30 - If you religeously followed the 10% saving rule in your early 20's, you should be sitting in a modest cash hoard by now. You might even use part of it for a downpayment on a new car, but make sure, you also put enough investments so your net worth can grow. At your age, you can afford to take a bit more investment risk, so look beyond simple time deposits. As you move closer to age 30, give your long-term career goals more serious thought. Non-stop job-hopping might have been okay while you were "finding yourself" in your early 20's, but continuing that pattern in your 30's can seriously hamper your long-term - earning power. (Sigh...I fear reaching this age bracket, I'm slowly approaching...just 3 years!)

*Cosmopolitan Mag, Phil. Ed
2004, May.

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10 reasons to take control of your spending

1. You never met a credit card you didn't like. - TRUE!
2. You are impulsive by nature and think that using your credit card makes you appear more attractive. - Not Really, I applied for one out of necessity, not for some "status quo" reasons....
3. Your retirement plan is to work until you die.
4. You don't know how much you owe or don't care.
5. You buy things you didn't know existed before you saw them on television but now desperately need. - Guilty
6. You never worry about money because your partner does enough for you both.
7. You have never saved a penny in your life.
8. You don't know if you will have a job tomorrow.
9. You run out of money before you run out of week.
10. You know more about erectile dysfunction than money management.

***I just hope I could save, hey, I still have three years before going to the "established stage" and buy my own condo (dream on...c'mon, it's free....) ....I just hope I could!

L2S_MOC Gallery

BACK TO HOME

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Anniversary Fun Climb
Mt. Gulugod-Baboy, Mabini-Anilao, Batangas
July 25-26, 2004

Ascending Mt. Gulugod Baboy. Nasiraan ung jeep halfway the trip kaya naglakad kami, so it took almost 40 minutes for us to arrive to the campsite.

More pics.....

Welcome to Teletubbies Land


The Silhouette Group Photo

Before Descending...

Goodbyers..
Mt. Gulugod-Baboy, Mabini-Anilao, Batangas
July 25-26.

"This was the next (and last) climb I had with L2S_MOC after I resigned
from Link2Support, and my last was almost a year ago, Oct, 2003.
Na-miss ko ung activities, ung pagod, ung struggles habang umaakyat.
But once you're on top, ang sarap ng feeling, you felt like an ACHIEVER
for having reach the mountain's peak. It pays all the hardwork and pagod
and all when you see the views from below. Feeling me ang close close mo
sa nature, everything's so peaceful...calming every nerve endings on your body.
You could really sing 'I'm on the top of the world....' "
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Mt. Tarak, Mariveles, Bataan
October 12-13, 2003


The Mystique Falls
Nakita lang namin tong Falls na ito thru our binocam.
I don't know kung sa kabilang side na ito ng mountain, ang haba kasi ng
mountain na ito but one thing is sure, at the foot of this falls, we
could find the Papaya River, which is situated midway the trek
(the last portion of the Mt. Tarak section were pics taken while we
were in Papaya River). There were also alotta hawks soaring in the sky....
Ang ganda ganda!


The Lucky 13
Boyet - sitting, Ruthie, Aimz, Malen, Sally, Jes (behind Sally),
Chaya(waving his hands at the back), Al, Me (behind Al), Stauss, Billy and Robbie
Mt. Tarak, Mariveles, Bataan
October 12-13, 2003
At the port, Orion, Bataan.
Just a ride from here and presto, nasa jumpsite n kami!
Pero we had to walk an hour (sa ilalim ng sinag ng araw) to arrive sa actual
jumsite....and prepared ourselves for a 6-hour walkathon and climbathon up to the
ridge/actual camp site of Mt. Tarak. Gudlak! 6 am ung call time namin sa
CCP and we have to ride a ferry papunta sa Orion. Thas was atuaclly my
first time to ever ride an actual vehicle/ship (whatever!) in a body of water ----
sa dagat pa...The trip wasn't actually long - mga 45 mins lang but

I was really very nervous, kasi nga takot akong malunod. I kept on asking

kung pano gamitin ung life vest (hahaha...paranoid!) pero halfway the trip

na-enjoy ko den, I even went to the ferry's tailend at tiningnan ung seawater -

sarap sa feeling and hindi naman nakakahilo!

The Pro's
Al, Ruthie, Aimz, Pring (behind Aimz), Malen, me, Sally, Robie, Jes and Boyet
Before leaving. CCP complex.

Trekking

apunta na kami sa jumpoff...I told you, naglakad talga kami sa initan for almost an

hour.....First time pa naman ni Al, to!

Pahinga muna sandali!
Kelangan, nakasmile talga ako. a!

Pauwe na kami, after spending the night sa itaas ng bundok kung saan

tanaw na tanaw mu ung Corregidor Island. Pero picture taking muna.

Wacky Take One

Wacky Take Two
Pababa na kami, I can't wait to wallow(tampisaw...ahahaha) na sa Papaya River.

ag-stop over daw kami dun for an hour or two so, 6 hours na naman ito.....


Papaya River

Sarap maligo dun!


\Anlamig ng water at ang linis linis den, parang Taytay Falls sa Majayjay, Laguna.

The Group Pic

Ang saya-saya!
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Mt. Maculot, Cuenca, Batangas
September 11-12, 2003

The scenery ....


The Taal Volcano

Trekking

Ako at si Aimz..Bow...
Paakyat sa Mt. Maculot.

At the Rockies.

Scenic discoveries...
6am call time. Bago mag-breakfast, we went to Rockies first.

Medyo malakas ang hangin pero okay lang, mukha namang masarap akyatin yun

(despite the famous ghost story of "Maricris" - ipagtanong nio n lang sa mga

blue-blooded mountaineer ung story nia, evryone knows that!)!

And hindi kami nagkamali.....ung mga pics sa itaas were taken while we were at Rockies.

Embracing Diversity...(hehehe)
Malen and Robbie (kayo ba?), ako (representing an ethnic tribe from North?),

Rob (wala lang), Pring (masaya? di halata, a), Aimz (yo! parang hiphop, a),

Ruthie (Jemaah Islamiyah - harharhar) and Boyet (D' Alien).

The Statue Of...Boyet????!!!!!

The tribe's princesses....

The Silhoutte Shot
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Taytay Falls, Majayjay, Laguna
July 26-27, 2003
First ever outdoor activity of L2S_MOC.

When we were on the way sa swimming/camping site, we couldn't help but exclame

"Wow" and "Great" when we see how clear the water is. As in,

ang linis-linis...very envigorating....When we saw the actual falls,

"My God, heavens..." Gusto ko kaagad maligo, but then, we have to set our tent,

or things pati na ung pagkain namin....And oh....after 10 mis,

lumalangaoy na sila....(ako lubog lubog lang....don't know how to swim, e!)

And, anlamig ng tubig, ang sarap maligo.


Tabing Ilog...
Sa ilog, ang mundo'y tahimik.......

The Jacuzzi Shot
Ligo Tayo...sarap sarap!


Dos Mestizos

The Breakfast

The Breakfast Club
Jes, Ken, Ruthie, Robbie and me (super short pa ung hair ko ditoh!)


The Bebots
Lasing or Puyat?

Going Home

Sino bang nag-shot nito? Ang tanga-tanga ng timer/digicam at tripod ni Sally!!!!

Team AnoNiMhy

Want ya'll to know my officemates a.k.a team mates...

Birthday Treat ni TL Mhy.....

Jan 14-15, 2005. TL Mhy's treated the team to an awesome dinner at Dencio's grill at the Megastrip. After we're full, we went to Grand Boulevard Hotel and played (a little) in Casino Filipino. After all the "recreational activities" there, we went outside --- straight to Baywalk.


Racky, Khat, Lui, TL Mhy and me
Baywalk, Jan 15, 2005. 12am


Ernest, Me, Wilbur and Cathy
at the Bay again. around 12am. Jan 15, 2005


Denz, Racky, Khat, Lui and TL Mhy....
So I am missing in action, huh? (Ako nga pala ung photographer...harharhar)

Who said that it's all over after the ''drinking sessions" in the Baywalk? Since most of us were energetic and high-spirited that time --- it's Videoke time! We went immediately to Providence after we filled ourselves some drinks at Baywalk.


TL Mhy's singing a song to Lui? (Sila na? May himala ba talga?)
Videoke time, Providence, Jan 15, 2005. Around 3-5am.


Is it really concert time for TL Mhy? (Pagbigyan - birthday, eh!)

And who said everything stopped there? Pag labas ng videoke at magsawa kakakanta - twa's almost 5am, so we decided to have breakfast -- and what great place to go but BINONDO. Congee, siomai, dumplings, siopao....Name it, we ate them! Racky couldn't help but exlcaimed his overwhelming joy that the team was together for almost 12 hours. Very exhausting man ung whole night, masaya naman! Kelan kaya mauulit toh?

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Daily Ocurrence


The team on the way to St. Francis - McDo after 7 hrs and 30 mins of taking calls and speaking with the s#!t Americans (1 hr for lunch and 2 -- 15 min breaks), we're FREE!!!!! We're eating breakfast....Hmmm... Dalishus!
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Presenting the Anomimhy team in the recent CVG Xmas Party at the NBC Tent,Fort (Dec 14, 2004)


*Party people (Xmas Party nga, da bah?) From left to right : Mami Militz, Claire, ako (feeling "debutant"), Chris and Khat

*Anonimhy' s Angels: (sa party den) Khat (as Cameron...James, kala nio Diaz, noh?!), ako (Drew Barrymore?...nde Arellano) and Bevs (Lucy Liu, sisters talga sila in real-life db?)

*Nyoy Volante rendered a song....he sister works in Convergys

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The Anomimhy team when we were doing our SBC Team Logo
Mami Cielo's house in Makati. Sept 12, 2004


Mami Cielo's house in Makati
The Tunggeras - si Anya lasing na!
(Khat-violet, Anya, She-black, Rose-standing, Me and Bevs)


The Nguso queens --- She and Ernest(ina)...


Sayaw Anya, sakay Kikay.....Lalalalalalala.....

I couldn't imagine how we managed to finish the Team Poster...Hmmm....talented talaga kami, kahit lasing, productive pa den....


CONVERGYS GALLERY

Para sa lahat ng pathethic...(gaya ko!)

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Sabi nila love is like a wildflower, it' s often found in the most unexpected places....took you by surprise and you'd receive the shock of your life by realizing that you couldn't do anything to stop it nor prevent it from coming, and you'd be held in prison...helpless like a child...doing stupid things as other people see it, but you'd do it blindly...Do you think love is blind? No...it only sees what matters, and nothing else...Yung susunod n mababasa nio was somethign I created out of frustration, when I was eating my heart out dahil sa isang special n tao...Wherever you are E.N., wala nang pedeng pumantay sau sa puso ko...You Are Special, Exceptional...You'd Always be, 'til d end of time....

Weird ng Luv, noh!

Bakit ba kailangang magmahal ng tao? Bakit kailangang mahalin natin 'yong mga taong hindi na pwedeng mahalin or hindi tayo kayang mahalin? Bakit kailangang NAGMAHAL KA NA NGA, MASASAKTAN KA PA? Tapos, after mong masaktan, pipiliin mo pa ring mahalin yong taong nagpaluha sayo?Worst and ironically, kung sino pa ung nagpaiyak at nanakit ng damdamin mo, iyon at iyon pa den ang taong makapagbibigay ng di matatawarang kaligayahan sayo? Weird di bah? At sa kabila ng lahat at kahit ano pang mangayri, siya at siya pa rin ang pipiliin mong mahalin? Kulang na lang, ipagsiksikan mo yung sarili mo sa buhay niya...sa puso niya! And if not really possible, you'll just be content loving that person from afar...kahit sa ILUSYON lang. At least doon there are countless possibilities...to the point of owning that person...kahit doon lang. Sometimes, I can't help but ask, can a man be all that consuming? That you'd spend eternity and beyond loving that person? Na kahit isang milyong lalaki pa yong iparada sa harap mo, wala pa ring papantay sa true love mo, that person would always be the best...would always be exceptional! Minsan naiisip ko, ganito ba talaga ka-sadista ang pag-ibig and tayo, as response, ma-sokista naman. Haaay...akala ko ba everyone has a destiny pre-written, that there's a person designed to love and make you complete, pero bakit parang it'd take a lifetime to find that someone, that you'd have to search the world and in the end, you'd end up alone...lonely! "They say loving is never wrong, but why is there forbidden love? They say love will never fall us, but why does it break our hearts? They say love is shared by two, but why can't I share it with you?" --- read once sa internet. Bakit ba hindi na lang naging AUTORESPONDING ang pag-ibig, pag minahal mo, automatic na mamahalin ka din? Mas masaya di bah? Pero aminin man natin or hindi, inspite of all the pains, masarap pa ding magmahal...matamis...to the point of swallowing and eating even the bitterest of pains. A person once said (nabasa ko lang din sa internet) "In love rarely do we win. But when love is true, even if you lose, you still win for having felt loving someone more than yourself." Ganon yata tal'ga ang pag-ibig. It's such a wonder how you could actually love someone intensely and yet ready to accept the fact that he's not yours and let go. Isn't it a wonder na okay lang sayo na habang nakatingin ka sa taong mahal mo, sa iba naman siya nakatingin, na kahit anong gawin mo, hindi ka niya kailanman makikita...kahit pa wala naman talga siyang ibang tinitingnan? That's love. Honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way! I've realized , eh ano kung hindi niya ako mahal, or may iba na siya, or hindi niya ako kayang mahalin, hindi ko na ba siya puwedeng mahalin? Just because hindi ka niya pwedeng mahalin for whatever reason, you'd be bitter and give him up? Love would and should never drive a person to crave ownership...Loving someone is not a license to own a person...not even a guarantee or shield from pains...and definitely not a promise that you would always be happy, never a moment of sadness and you would be loved as well. Isn't love like planting? Pag nagmamahal ka, you've planted a seed in someone's heart, then you'd nourish it. That isn't a guarantee that it'd grow, it could die before it grows. There's a possibility na hindi nga yon simulang tumubo man lang but that's okay, at least you've given yourself the chance to love and be glad about it. You could sow what you planted, but the harvest is unsure, the most important thing is you've done your part, it's up to that person to realize your worth. True love comes only once in our lives, if that someone happened yesterday - be thankful it did; if that someone happened today - cherish and if that someone happened soon - hope...But for now, just enjoy the feeling while it lasts...it may take forver to love again...we don't know what tomorrow brings...who knows kung kaya mo pang magmahal nang ganito...or kung magmamahal k pa...just cherish everything n meron tayo or 'yong happiness na nadarama natin while loving that person...as the song goes... "I keep holding on before the good is gone co'z I know I'll never love this way again"

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GLIMPSE

-janis

You came along unexpectedly

My heart beat so differently

You taught me many things

Brought me many changes

You taught me how to smile

Though how hard it was

You taught me how to forgive

Though it tore me apart

You taught me how to love

Without any exceptions

You taught my heart to love someone

Who's been very special to me

I never thought you're gonna leave

I never expected it will come to end

You taught my heart to love you

And now why did you have to go ?

You......just come and go

A glimpse, a wind that blows!

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LOVING

If loving you means setting you free, then go and find your way...

If loving you means being happy while you're away from me, then go the distance...

If loving you means getting hurt, crying bouts, loosing myself, then go and take everything from me...

If loving you is seeing you baing happy with someone else, then go and gind her way.

You could fly high ang go miles, you could stay away from me for the longest hours...

You need not worry nor come back, need not bother if I'm happy or not...

For even if you're gone, you're still here...inside my heart...

Soar. Fly high. Rest assured I'm always here to catch you each time you'd fall...

Then perhaps if she led you astray, you could always look behind...I was left standing there the whole time...

You think you're hurting? Look at me...Crying more and more for the pain you don't deserve to feel...for the tears you shed for an unreciprocated affection...your affection that I've been dreaming all my life...

You could always look behind all the time...anytime...I am always standing there!!!

Hoping that someday, somehow you'd find your way...your true love...your home...

ME!

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*****************************************************************************

******************************************************************************

*Everything in this section is self-authored.

*Copyright 1996. Janis de Asis.

******************************************************************************

Quotes...Inspirational

" I don't know when I began loving you, I guess I was already in the middle when I noticed it...It probably had been a long time ago... because I couldn't remember loving someone else since then...and I'm afraid it'd take forever before I'd love again, if ever I will" - janis. written at 12 : 05 PM, August 11, 2004. Can a person be really all this consuming?

" Looking back and looking forward, love was, is and continuous to be the hardest thing to understand or explain. Because love is reinvented, reengineered, recreated by two pleople at the same time. But as how to reach it's climax is unquestionable, whether it is one-sided or mutually shared. The most important thing is you are happy inspite of the pains and that while you're loving, you are being changed day by day towards being a better preson." - janis. written sometime in June, 2003. Love, such a crazy, sometimes lonely world...that could amazingly bring smiles despite the tears...joys despite the pains...courage despite the fears...

"I wish one day you'd miss me that no matter how hard you search for me, you won't find me. I wish one day you'd remember my face that no matter you wish to forget, it'd keep haunting you. I wish one day you'd love me that no matter how hard you ignore it, you would always feel the pain, then you'd be hurt, then you'd cry, then you'd long to be with me...only to realize i was gone and could love you no more!" - janis. written sometime in May 2003. I believed myself to be calm when I wrote this but I guess I wasn't...flames from the past kept haunting...torturing me as memories of a very special person kept coming back. I thought I had already given him up...I wish I had.

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The following are just excerpts form the net or other reading materials:

I choose to love you in Silence...

For in silence I receive no rejection

Nor should I bother of what it is that prevents us from being together...

It's just that we can never be together.

I choose to love you in Loneliness...

For in loneliness no one owns you but I.

I choose to love you from a Distance...

For distance will shield us form pain.

Still, I Love You and I just can't help but do so.

I choose to kiss you in the wind...

For the wind is gentler than my lips.

I choose to hold you in my Dreams...

For in my dreams, you have no end.

Forever.

That is what you are to me.

In all honesty, I find it hard to believe that I will ever love somebody

the same way I loved you.

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"When I lost you, I was the one who loved you most. But between us, you lost more.

Because one day I could love someone the way that I loved you but yoy'd never be loved

the way that I did!"

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"You deserve to be happy not in the arms of someone who keeps you waiting but in the arms of someonoe who will take you now and love you forever...Don't waste time waiting for someone who will never really cared about how you would have felt. Open your heart again and give yourself the chance to find the one who would make loving worth the pain an dthe sacrifice. "

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"When you love, there isn't a thing as loving a little, but loving all the way. Love may not ask you to give up your life, but it will require lots of sacrifices."

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"If love is painful and joyless, it's time for you to let the love go and save youself. You will find another love but never another self."

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"One should not love to fill in an empty space, but to have somebody to stay by his side as the missing piece in his life heals. But if you can't keep him in your arms, keep him in your heart."

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"Keep on searching for someone you love but when you find that person, stop the search an dtake the risk. Remember that the world is a big place that when you love, you have to search the world again."

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"The difficulty is not dying for love, but finding the love worth dying for."

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Janis as a movie analyst

Didn't sleep well...Pag dating ko sa bahay, I wasn't feeling sleepy at all so I decided to go over my Movie Collections - I picked Roger Moore's "For Your Eyes Only". Kahit pa sabihing napanood ko n yun many times, I am surprise to find out that I am still thrilled by all the stunts and never ending effects the creator of the James Bond:Agent 007 series made. Kaloka talga, from the skii stunts up to rock climbing activities, ma-a-amaze ka talaga. And Roger Moore, in Agent 007 playboy image really worked it's way to captivate my eyes --- ganun pa den katindi ung dating sa akin ni Roger Moore.

After that napaisip tuloy ako, when would Filipino producers venture into creating these kind of movies? Hindi b natin kaya? Not for lack of talent of course because I won't buy that, we, Filipinos, are very talented and skilled. I don't think that we couldn't create such movies, lack of budget lang siguro. Even big producers aren't daring enough to invest money para lang gumawa ng good movies...and until Filipino producers learn that "if you want to earn big, you gotta invest big", di uusad ang movie industry sa P'nas....tsk, tsk, we do have a great lineups of promising artists pa naman and promising off cam talents --- cinematographers, graphic artists, musical scorers, directors, cameramen, scriptwriters, etc...Kaya ba dinadaan natin sa paggawa ng dramatic movies, which gain so much honor outside. I've nothing against it, esp movies that showcase not just the talents, but the values as well of the Filipinos, but then again, it' snot everyday na ganito 'yong kalakalaran sa movie industry...Kelangan pang magkaron ng movie festivals para lang magpalabas ng magagandang movies.

Hay, Juan, kelan kb matututo at aasenso?