Janis...theProdigalhiker

Yara Alono's First Novel is Out in Pay per view!

2011-05-19T22:58:00.002-07:00

Yara Alonso‘s first novel is out. I Believe in a thing called LOVE

is finally out!

Should you wish to avail, visit :

http://thebookwormsrealm.webs.com/apps/webstore/

http://bookwormsppv.multiply.com/

—–

It’s Pay Per View (PPV), so viewing and reading is only for those who would choose to subscribe. If at

any point in the future resources would allow, a hard copy (usually in Hardbound, yes, HARDBOUND,

FIRST OF ITS KIND IN THE PHILIPPINES) would soon be puiblished. For the meanwhile, enjoy it through the Bookworms Realm Publishing online PPV site.

know her more :

http://yaraalonso.webs.com/cosmopolitanseries.htm

Men Are Happier People

2011-05-19T22:58:00.001-07:00

NICKNAMES

* If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

* If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT

* When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

* When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

* A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

* A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

BATHROOMS

* A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel

* The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 37. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

* A woman has the last word in any argument.

* Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

* A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

* A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

* A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

* A successful woman is one who can find such a man…

MARRIAGE

* A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

* A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

* A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

* A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

* Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

* Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

* Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

* A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

* A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!

My new favorite Romance Writer

2010-11-26T02:40:00.000-08:00

Lemme quote her from her website : yaraalonso.webs.com

==========================================================

A New Breed of Love Stories is coming your way!

I moved heaven and earth just so I could have a pen name. I even went through a secret poll (asking closest friends) , which among the list of names I researched on and put together and jumbled first and last names, they would want me recognised. At long last, a unanimous decision for Yara Alonso was made!

I have always dreamt of being a writer. I guess one could readily identify me as a wide reader. A book I read, just unfortunate to have forgotten the name and author of that book, once mentioned “If there’s one book you want to read, yet ,you seem can’t find it, you must write that book”. So here I am, fulfilling the author’s call to write.

Why romance writing?

A friend asked me that question once. That friend sort of envisioned me being a journalist. He said I always have an opinion on almost everything. Well, I think I am opinionated, too much for my own good sometimes, but I tried veering away by reading romance pocketbooks.

Some ask, why romance writing? I say why not. English they say is the international language. I say it isn’t, I believe it’s love. Even blind, deaf, mute and handicapped people fell in love. Some have crushes as early as six years old. That is indeed a manifestation that a strong feeling, a strong emotion is possible to exist in a person. It may not be love yet, but if it flourishes it would likely turn to love.

Love is a universal language. A Chinese would speak Mandarin, a Japanese Nihongo, an American English and yet regardless of origin, anyone knows and understands LOVE. A person need not finish any degree to be skilled at loving, it’s instinctive and instantaneous.

I have always believed in love, in its power, in its magic. Though I don’t have a Cinderella-they-live-happily-ever-after story yet, I believe that someday, somehow, someone would come my way. Someone who would love me the way I want to be loved, would take care of me the way I wanna be taken care of and would be strong for me when I feel like giving up. So while waiting for that someone, I would create a world where love is the center of the story and two hearts would be drawn together and would be bound by destiny. A world where I could make wishes granted and dreams come true. A world where pains, tears and heartaches are pivotal motions to success and happy endings. Stories that might be yours one way or another and heroes and heroines you could and would be able to relate to. True love does exist because I live by that principle, I live by that faith. Those stories would prove that true love happens, while not for me, at least for others.

I would want to reiterate through my stories that loving is not all bed of roses. For loving someone requires sacrifices, compromises and even heartaches, too. For when you love someone, you give that person a potent chance of hurting you, of breaking your heart to a million pieces. But despite the fact that, according to a song, love might kill you, no other experience would come at par with the joy, with the happiness, loving someone could bring.

So join me as we unfold the mystery and force that is LOVE. Happy reading everyone!

Francis Magalona is gone!

2009-03-06T01:36:00.000-08:00

Sad, but true! How could someone so young like him die? He's been my crush since I could remember. I really like him, especially his contributions to the Pinoy music industry. Remember the song "Mga kababayan ko."

The news really saddened me so much. It's hard to think that he had finally bid goodbye to this world to reunite with The Creator. Too bad I won't be able to hear him rap again,not that I am a fan of rap since I am more of a rocker. I don't know what it is with him that I truy adore but I simply love him. Well, good thing I have his albums with me, I could at least say he had left me something to remember him by, actually his music would be the proof that he has been a nice person. He wanted Pinoys to change for the better. Wouldn't forget his genuine trust with Pinoys and his patriotism.

I love you Francis M, wherever you'll go I know that you'll be happier. Rest assured that we will never forget you. HAPPY BATTLE, forever!!!

A Day in Paradise

2008-07-09T12:51:00.000-07:00

I've had this aversion to water since time immemorial. The moment my feet feel nothing solid underneath the water I'd start panicking, thus learning how to swim has become elusive. I've always had this weird thought of getting drowned everytime I go swimming. I ended up missing a lot not enjoying all water activities --- swimming, snorkelling, rafting, kayaking and scuba diving.

But not until July 04, 2008 when I and few of my closest office colleagues decided to go to Anawangin Cove in Zambales. Beach resorts aren't the major attraction there since I found that there's nothing much to enjoy with Pundaquit's shoreline. The main attraction there was island hopping and trekking towards Anawangin Cove. It was truly a paradise. It'd make you feel like you're somwhere else but the Philippines. I had this weird feeling that I am in New Zealand or Switzerland. I ejoyed the whole trip because finally I have overcome one of my fears, not to mention that it was only my 2nd time riding a water vessel (if a motor boat can be considered a vessell at that), one was a ferry from CCP to Orion when I joined my L2Summitteers climbing Mt. Tarak in Mariveles, Bataan ages ago. And that was about the same time I learned, really learned to swim..hehehe..I sure would enjoy going outdoor more.

Some of us had hesitations going to Anawangin but not me and Mico and Shie. Hearsays had it that a few seasoned mountaineers died and gone missing a few weeks back while trekking. Well, I wouldn't wanna spoil my excitement for I was too excited beyond what can be considered as overly excited. Few days prior to the trip, the rain never stopped pouring, threatening our forthcoming trip to perdition. It even came to a point that only the three of us or make that fours us, with Riza's inclusion, decided to go despite the not-so-good a weather forecasts from 4th 'til 8th of July. I just relied solely to my observed luck with outings, trips and campings that whenever I am included and no matter how unpredictably bad the weather is, the sun would always show up during those planned dates. Of course, I coupled that "luck" with ardent prayers. And on the 4th we setforth to Victory Liner in Monumento. Each of us paid P257.00 for fare (P252.00 from Caloocan to San Antonio, Zambales plus P5 accident insurance) and at exactly 11am, off to Zambales the bus went. And before the clock ticked at 3PM, we arrived in San Antonio, went straight to the market to buy a 3-day-supply of food, water and other personal things. Then we went straight to Mama Tess' Wild Rose Beach Resort and paid a sum of P4,400 for a 2-night stay at her cabana.

We spent our first night swimming tirelessly at the pool. My, the resort was clean and since we're the only people checked in at the resort, enjoyed our sole use of the resort. The next day, we started sailing towards Anawangin Cove at 8AM. Before we sailed, I told myself that nothing could harm me if God didn't permit so. And I put on my life vest and rode the boat with much enthusiam enough for all 8 of us.

When we arrived at Anawangin, I understood why so much has been said about everything in it, from the white sand, to the pine trees,to the lake and the tip of the lake that meets the mountain and the sea. PERFECT! Though I've observed that there's garbage here and there, maybe because of the rain and because of some people who, because of too much appreciation of the place, forgot sensibility. Before I even reprimand myself from being too OC, I found myself sweeping garbage off the prestine white sand. Hello! I mean, libre na nga 'yong place, nag-iwan pa tayo ng kalat! Why shouldn't we live by this saying:

TAKE NOTHING BUT PICTURES,
LEAVE NOTHING BUT MEMORIES,
KILL NOTHING BUT TIME.

After the never ending picture taking and photo sessions, we sailed off to Capones Island, with the intention of having more photo session at the Lighthouse. But because the waves became too strong that it became dangerous to sail, we landed at the other end, rather the other side of the island. We just took pictures on the rocks at the other side of the island and also while enjoying the water.

Before we went home, all of us were convinced that indeed it was a day in paradise and we're all looking forward going back.

The Most Embarassing of All Embarassing MOments sa Buhay Ko!

2007-12-26T11:27:00.000-08:00

Ang kahihiyan ni Janis at ang kaniyang misadventure!
Bow!

Hassle na kasi ang ubo't sipon ko, so after two days, naisipan kong magpa-check up sa Medical City. Sabi ng nanay ko, sasama daw siya dahil baka i-confine ako, wala daw akong load para mag-text sa bahay. Paano ba naman, halos ibuga ko na at ilabas ang baga ko para lang makalanghap ng hangin at nang lumuwag man lang ang hingahan ko. Anyways, nasa Medical City na kami ni nanay tapos the last time na bumisita ako sa Maxicare was two years ago pa. At ang natatandaan ko, sumakay kami ng elevator papuntang lower ground. So being a know-it-all girl that I am (sometimes), sakay kami ni nanay ng elevator. Tapos umikot kami sa buong LG bago ko naisipang tanungin 'yong isa sa ulitity personnel. "Eh, Ma'am sa ground floor po 'yun!" Ah, okay! Siyempre nga naman, sa loob nga ng 24 oras, sandamakmak na ang puwedeng mangyari, two years pa kaya!? "Thank you po!" Siyempre, nagpa-cute naman ako. So may I ride na kami ni mama sa elevator. 'Pag baba namin sa ground floor, pasok na kami sa pinto. Take note : Maxicare ang HMO namin sa company. So mega getsy ako ng number at umupo na to wait for my turn to be called. Tapos nung tinawag 'ung number ko sabi ng receptionist "Ma'm, peram po ng card." So inabot ko naman ung Maxicare kong card, at siyempre mega-proud kasi may "Premium" na tatak 'yun. Tapos tiningnan ako ng receptionist na parang bigla akong tinubuan ng sungay. "Ma'am, sa kabila po ata kayo. Try nyo po sa next na door". Mang-aaway na sana ako pero dahil 38.4 degree celcius ang temperature ko, naghunus-dili naman ako dahil baka biglang umakyat sa 42 degrees at kumbulsiyunin ako . So, hinablot ko 'yong card ko at nag-dramatic entrance ako. Tapos nung nasa labas na ko, binasa ko ung nakasulat sa door : MEDICARD. Anak ng parents naman, oo, nasobrahan ata ako ng intake ng Nafarin at na-high ako. Ano bars? MAXICARE, janis! M-A-X-I-C-A-R-E!!!! With all the grace and poise I could muster, pasok kami sa next door, this time carefully reading the name : MAXICARE. Eto na janis! Totoo na ito! This is it!

Tapos nandun na nga kami sa loob ng, again : MAXICARE! So may I get na naman akes ng number. Tapos tinawag na ang number ko tapos inabot ko 'yung card ko. Tapos maya maya, may pinapa-pirmahan sa akin, a credit card receipt-like na papel (alam ninyo yung pinapapirmahan pag nag-swipe kayo ng credit card). Sabi ko "Wait, lang Miss, di ba, libre to kasi Maxicare ung HMO namin di ba? Bakit may charge? Saka hindi ko naman binigay 'ung credit card ko ah!" Tapos, I swear gusto talagang matawa ng receptionist, pero siguro naawa sa ka-inosentihan ko, kaya nag-explain na lang. "Ma'am, ganiyan na po ngayon, sina-swipe na po 'ung HMO card ninyo tapos pipirmahan nio na lang po ung charge slip pero wala kayong babayaran." So I smiled and kunwari naaliw sa process. "Wow, ang galing, high tech naman!" I meekly returned to my seat and thanked God na aapat lang kami doon, kasama ang nanay ko. Pinakiramdaman ko ung dalawang ibang tao doon. Deadma naman sila. Nagpakawala ako ng isang napakalalim na buntong hininga and to my surprise, bigla akong umubo. Turn off talaga! Parang sumabog ang buong paikot ng sinturon ni hudas!! Good thing, nakisama ang sipon ko at Missing in action siya that time

So after merely 2 minutes of consultation with the doctor, binigyan na ako ng prescription. Eh may Mercury Drug naman sa labas ng Medical City but since sa Galeria ako sasakay pauwi dahil ang layo ng tawiran (sa Meralco Foundation pa), sumakay kami papuntang Galeria. Tapos si nanay sumakay na ng bus patungo sa Camp Crame. Nagpunta ako sa Mercury Drug para sana bumili na ng gamot. Kaso lang naisip ko na since nandoon na ako, might as well, mag-replinish na din ako ng mga gamit ko like shampoo, etc... When I was at the cashier, una ko siyempre iniabot ung Suki Card ko ( Mercury Drug loyalty card) tapos hinintay na ma-scan lahat ng pinamili ko. Tumataginting na P 1, 407.50 ang babayran ko (idinamay ko na rin kasi pati groceries sa bahay like coffee, sugar, family soap, etc..). Tapos binulatlat ko 'ung wallet ko. Tumataginting na P 100 at P20 bills lang laman! Nakakahiya, there were like 5 people pa naman sa likuran ko. Kakahiya talaga. Sabay hirit ko naman sa cashier. "Sorry, wait lang Miss kailangan ko palang mag-withdraw muna." Pero ang problem, wala namang laman ung ATM ko kasi wini-withdraw ko lahat ng laman non tapos hindi talaga ako naglalagay ng maraming pera sa wallet ko, iniiwan ko sa bahay. Nakakahiya talaga. Sa patung-patong na kahihiyang inabot ko, hindi na ako bumalik sa Mercury Drug. At kahit kailan, hindi na ako bibili doon. Siguro after two years na lang. Hay!

Kakahiya talaga. Ang worst pa sa lahat, 'yung isa sa nakapila sa likod ko sa drugstore, isa din doon sa nasa loob ng Maxicare! Nakakaloka talaga. Cute pa naman siya tapos nag-smile pa siya sa akin bago ako umalis ng Mercury Drug! Nakakahiya talga. Turn off. Hindi ko alam kung naaliw siya or pinagtatawanan niya ang nag-uumapaw kong ka-eng-engan nung day na 'yon!

Whew! Whattaday! Umuwi tuloy akong mukhang engot at walang gamot! At habang bumibiyahe pauwi, nagmistulang New Year's Celebration sa loob ng bus dahil hindi lang dalawa ang umuubo -- puwede na kaming bumuo ng choir!!!

I have moved to a new home

2007-11-14T16:44:00.001-08:00

http://janisluvj.wordpress.com

Christmas Shopping

2007-11-09T11:01:00.000-08:00

26 Things I discovered...and learned?

2007-10-10T16:38:00.000-07:00

Today is my 26th birthday (yaiks, ang tanda ko na pala!). I've decided to come up with things I discovered throughout the 26 glorious years na nabuhay ako sa mundong ito. I used the word "discovered" dahil kapag sinabi kong "learned", ibig sabihin talagang magiging guiding principle ko na ito sa buhay. Actually, 'yong iba naman dito aren't totally new, parang re-discovery lang ang nangyari. Ilan sa list ay matitino, ang iba naman wala lang.

1. Things aren't always what they seem. Sometimes, we need to dig deeper, we need to pay attention to nuances and things that aren't obviously shown to have a better understanding on things. It's true that sometimes, we say things we don't really mean and try to hide what we really feel inside. While "What you see is what you get" sometimes is true, there are times when we fail to understand the reason why things happen because we focus more on what tends to be visible to the eyes.

2. Don't expect too much. The less your expectations are, the less chances you'll get hurt. Don't keep your hopes too high. Sabi nga nila, expect the unexpected di bah?

3. Life is unfair. Hay, ano pa nga ba? Minsan parang mas masaya ang mga taong gumagawa ng masama. Laging nakikita 'yong mga pangit sa'yo, 'yong mga maling ginagawa mo over your good deeds, your good qualities.

4. People will fail you. Believe me, at one point,even the people you trust the most will betray you, would let you down,would hurt you.

5. Life itself, is irony. Sabi nga ng song, "kung sinong mahal mo siyang ayaw sa 'yo". Sabi pa ni Alanis, "it's like meeting the man of your dreams and then meeeting his beautiful wife". Sabi pa ng iba,"kung sino pa ang nagpaiyak sa'yo, 'yun dun ang taong nagpapasaya sa'yo". Eh ganon talaga!

6. You cannot please everyone, you never will, even if you try real hard. I have come yo admit na may mga tao yatang pinanganak para mainis sa'yo, magalit sa'yo kahit wala ka talagang ginawang masama sa kanila, or kahit wala kang ginawa at all.

7. No one has or was given the right to intimidate you. This is my personal credo about intimidation "You only get initimidated if you're not secure of who you are."

8. May mga bagay na kahit anong paliwanag, hindi mo talaga maintindihan. Pero may mga bagay na naiindihan mo kahit walang paliwanag.

9. Tama si Oprah "“If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay". Tama na ang ilusyon. Tama na ang kaiisip sa mga sandamakmak na what if's sa buhay mo! Tama na! Sobra na! Ang sinabi na ito ni OPRAH ay isang SAMPAL na gumising sa natutulog kong isipan at umalog sa namamahinga kong puso. Ayoko ng umasa! Ayokoooooo na! Reality bites...it hurts!

10. It's hard not to fight back, not to get even. Mahairap talgang maging mabait. Minsan, ang hirap manahimik lang at huwag gumanti lalo na at magiging worse lang ang situation. Pero minsan mahirap talaga to shut up and suppressed the growing anger that's building up inside you. But we must dahil ang pumatol sa baliw, mas baliw! Hahaha... Iniisip ko na lang lagi "Hinding hindi ako bababa sa level nila.Hmp!"

11. We have to reward ourselves. How about buying something for yourself once in a while? Dati hindi ko makita ang point sa pagbibigay ng reward sa sarili, until napagod ako at nabulagan sa fruits ng labor ko. Akala ko nagtatrabaho lang ako for nothing. Feeling ko, napupunta lahat sa family ko (not that it's a bad thing) pero nakakapagod din lalo na kung walang natitira sa'yo. That's when I decided na kailangang magtira ako para sa sarili ko. This is also applicable sa love, kailangang mahalin mo ang sarili mo at magtira ka, 'wag all the way, 'wag "I'll give you everything", 'wag mo ibigay ang 100%, para pag natapos na ang lahat and it didn't turn out right, may natira pa sa'yo. Para buo ka pa din, buong buo pa din ang pagkatao mo.

12. You don't and won't always get what you want. Minsan, the things you want the most are the things you're being deprived of, things that are taken from you. It's one sad fact we should learn to live with, to live in.

13. It's true na some good things never last, malalaman mo ang worth ng isang tao o bagay when you lose it/him/her; there are times na some good things won't even start. Lesson : Embrace life as it comes.

14. Hindi totoo ang kasabihang "Beauty is useless but character is the best." C'mon, magpakatotoo naman tayo, just this once! Although in the long run, mas mahalaga ang "substance", hindi ba nagsisimula lahat sa physical attraction, sa "intrigue", kaya na-engganyo ka to know a person better? It's this "intrigue" or "mystique" that'll draw you to someone.

15. Kung hindi talaga para sa'yo, kahit ano'ng pilit mo, hindi magiging sa'yo. If it's bound to happen, it's gonna happen; if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. Kahit mag-novena ka pa buong taon, maglakad nang nakaluhod sa Quiapo at hindi kumain ng ilang centuries, may mga bagay na hindi talaga para sa atin. Should we let go? We must.

16. There will always be "some people" - people who would always hinder, humper and would never let you be happy and would never leave you in peace. Part sila ng buhay mo and they would always bother you unless you allow them and until you learn to disregard them like trash. My personal mantra ako dito,"Difficult people are like sandpapers, they may rub you painfully. But they would end up worn out and you'll end ep well polished"! Bongga!

17. There are things, facts that are just so hard to accept, but we must. These are the things that we don't have any control over. They just happen, we have to let them be.

18. I am one of the few lucky people in this world. Everywhere I go, I always come across meeting true people, true friends, true gems. I've hopped from one job to another, but I've made it my point not to leave that company without touching lives and adding names to my list called "friends".

19. May mga bagay na mahirap talagang kalimutan. Either dahil talagang intergral part na sila ng life mo or talagang ayaw mo lang kalimutan.

20.There's a price for everything. Walang libre sa mundo. If we wanna take something, we should also give something back. Hindi tamang tanggap lang ng tanggap, kuha lang ng kuha, kelangang magbigay din. It's like saying that once you let yourself love a person, kailangang handa kang masaktan, pero masaya ka naman habang nagmamahal ka di ba?

21. Kapag lumalaki ang source of income mo, lumalaki lalo ang mga expenses mo. My first job was with Link2Support, and for the record, my initial salary then was P 8000, pero masaya ako noon. I was able to eat out with my supahfriends Aimz, Ruth, Malen, Pring and Chele. Jahnays and I was able to go 'lil shopping at times. I was paying my younger bro's tuition fee, plus the monthly bills. Naka-survive naman ako. Pero ngayon, hello? It feels like hell living paycheck to paycheck.

22. Sometimes, there's no day but today. Minsan kasi we forget to live in today, we continue to live either in the past or the future. By looking back or fast tracking tomorrow, nalilimutan natin to live in the moment kaya tuloy may mga bagay tayong na-i-ignore, things we forget to pay much attention at, thus, losing the opportunity to enjoy life and be happy. Minsan sa sobrang pag-dwell natin sa pasts, sa mga regrets, sa mga mistakes, may mga opportunites na dumadaan lang, na puwedeng hindi na ulit ibigay sa atin. And may mga bagay na ina-anticipate mo pa lang, nauunsiyami dahil sa kapalpakang pinaggagawa mo today.

23. Don't complain or you'll never stop complaining, for there's so much in life to complain about. There was a time sa buhay ko when every night na lang before I report for work, I would rant about something, from the taxi driver, salesclerk in the mall, your neighbor, traffic, etc... I always have a complaint about almost everything in this world. Then it dawn on me that it's becoming a pattern, like kailangang mairita ako or magalit ako everyday. Napansin ko na mas madali akong magalit, madaling mairita, madaling maasar at madalas kong nakikita 'yong sarili kong dakdak nang dakdak dahil sa napakaliit na bagay. Napakadali kong ma-provoke. More than ever, that was the time that I was the best candidate to an anger management program. At dahil sobrang mareklamo ako no'n, wala na akong nakitang maganda, wala na akong nakitang tama, lahat na lang mali, lahat pangit, lahat negative. Hindi ako makapag-perform nang maayos sa trabaho. Madalas akong nagagalit sa mga kapatid ko, I had very little patience and feeling ko para akong bombang sasabog any moment. I suddenly felt old but immature.I decided na hindi na 'yon healthy, I had to change or else, it might be too late!

24. Tears comfort the heart and cleanse the soul. One of the nicest things I've learned from Leo Buscaglia is the undermined power of tears. I find true strength in crying. May mga bagay kasi na hindi nadadaan sa usapan. May mga bagay na kahit anong discussion mo with friends, kahit anong hanap mo ng words of wisdom para ma-resolve ang kung ano mang bumabagabag sa loob mo, ma-e-ease lahat kapag umiyak ka. This is the reason why I always say na iyakin ako, sobra, but that doesn't mean na whimpy ako, na sobrang weak ako. There are really times na kapag hindi ko na kaya, I just let it out and cry. For me, sa bawat patak ng luha, parang nadi-discharge lahat ng negative energy, lahat ng negative feelings na nagpapabigat sa loob ko.

25. There comes a point in a person's life when you'd get fed up. Kahit gaano ka katapang, kahit gaano ka kalakas, kahit akala mo kaya mo lahat, darating at darating sa point na mapapagod ka. Mapapagod kang lumaban. Mapapagod kang maging okay. Maging malakas. Mapapagod kang sumubok. Mapapagod kang maging matatag. Mapapagod ka. Period. Kailangan lang naman magpahinga. Tapos mare-realize mo na ready ka na ulit to continue your journey.

26. Count your blessings, NOT YOUR AGE!

Things learned from intergender friendships

2007-10-04T12:29:00.000-07:00

Things learned from intergender friendships
By Mariel G. Calalo
YOU contributor

THE PREMISE of this article lies on the principle that sometimes,
loving a person doesn't mean it has to be romantic and loving a person for the
rest of your life doesn't mean you have to end up marrying them. Can a man
and a woman just be friends? I'd say yes and they should be.

Hindi dahil kinaibigan ka, liligawan ka na. Not every guy who befriends
you has an ulterior motive. Get over yourself. Don't flatter yourself.
There is a reason why he befriended you, but don't automatically assume that
it's because he wants to be your so-called boyfriend. If this will be the
principle you'll follow every time someone asks you to be his friend,
you're gonna miss a great deal from the friendship.

Hindi dahil mabait sa iyo, nililigawan ka na. There are people who are
naturally sweet and kind. There are people who are innately good and no
matter how wicked you seem, they just find it so easy to be kind to
you. It doesn't mean he is courting you. Don't put yourself through unnecessary
stress trying to figure out if he's courting you or not. Because I
think if he is, you won't have to guess, you'll know and you'll be very certain
about it.

Hindi dahil he talks to you a lot, he loves you na. You don't befriend
a person if you absolutely abhor him, right? Chances are you make sense
when he talks to you, or you're probably very patient listening to him. The
two of you probably connect on some level but why does it always have to be
assumed to be romantic? Being two intelligent, mature human beings, you
need to accept that it's nice to share a cup of coffee over a stimulating
conversation, and that you don't have to automatically put romantic
connotation to it. Relieve yourself of the pressure. It's just coffee
and a shared interest.

Hindi dahil cute ang friend mo, crush/love mo na siya. This is the most
amusing thing that hit me lately. People always assume that because
your friend is cute or should I say, hot (because cute is a word you
describe your high school crush while hot is a word you use to describe a hunk),
"lakas amats mo na for repapips!" Let me just say this, at least from
my own personal experience, I'm just nearsighted, I haven't gone blind. I can
still appreciate God's creation! However, there will always be weird things,
crazy things, stupid things that will keep you, believe me, from having a
crush on him. First of all, you'd know his history with women, enough to judge
what's good for you. Second, don't you just hate it when a guy who's
absolutely always put together, who looks intelligent enough pronounces the word
country as "kawntri" and the word mango as "meynggo." Call me crazy for
judging a person just because he can't pronounce these words right. I
admit,I'm crazy.

Hindi dahil you hang out with each other most of the time, you'd end up
being boyfriend-girlfriend. Self-explanatory... There are a thousand,
no million different reasons why things don't always turn out that way.
There is no one proven formula. For all we know, the reason why he likes
hanging out with you is because he likes getting kikay tips from you. He
probably plans on being kikay himself and he needs a mentor.

A dinner with a guy friend does not necessarily mean equate to a date.
Especially if you're paying for your share no. Hello? Three things to
consider: the place, the topic and how the two of you actually planned
to meet. First, how it was planned. If it were a date expect that he would
ask you out at least three days before the actual date to give you some
lead time, to give you the notion that you are not just a filler on his
schedule. Second, the place. If it were a real date, the both of you would want
real food and a place where you could really talk things through. Don't go
out with a guy to a movie on Friday night if you're really serious about
him. Going to a movie is more like treating him like a "filler" just because
you had nothing to do on a Friday night so you might as well go out. Topic.
Ha! You wouldn't be talking about chikang artista, chikang opisina or argue
if the one girl's boobs are real or not. You would be probably talking
about sensible, quite personal stuff.

I therefore conclude that platonic relationships are never complicated;
people just have tendencies to complicate them!

How do you take your IPOD?

2007-10-04T12:15:00.000-07:00

Lumipat na po ako...

2007-08-08T12:11:00.000-07:00

Lumipat na po ako ng bagong tirahan..
http://janisluvj.wordpress.com

I-u-update ko pa den naman ito, once in a while...

My PLaylist

2007-06-18T20:59:00.001-07:00

wala lang...some f the songs sbrang senti...hay!!!

Huling Kabanata

2007-06-15T15:45:00.000-07:00

For you,
(Subtitle : "Para Sa 'Yo" : Huling love letter ko na 'to!)

I've known myself (and others have observed, too) that I am strong, that I am a fighter (in short, AMAZONA ala Xena: The Warrior Princess) pero matagal na akong sumuko, matagal na akong nag-give up. Nawalan ng pag-asa. The last ray of hope I had, vanished in the darkness, vanished in the deepest abyss of my super excruciating loneliness (hindi ko naintindihan ibig sabihin ng sinulat ko, gusto ko lang gamitin 'tong mga words na 'to). My last string of hope had long been gone ,never to come back again. Para akong isang taong malaon nang nalagutan ng hininga pero patuloy na nabubuhay (in short patay na buhay...ZOMBIE?).Sabi ko dati kaya kong ipaglaban ang lahat na may kinalaman sa 'yo kahit sabi ng mga friends ko na wala naman kong ipinaglalaban or dapat ipaglaban pagdating sa 'yo (Oo nga naman! Ano ba kita?). Kaput! Ilusyon lang naman ang meron ako, di ba?! Sabi nga ng ibang friends ko, ang kuwento ng pag-ibig natin (pag-ibig ko lang pala) ay isang alamat, malaon nang nangyari at nagpasalin-salin sa lahat ng bibig at sa lahat ng henerasyon (exaggeration lang naman ito!). Isang alamat na milagroso at parang hindi naman nangyari!

Ang gusto ko lang naman sabihin ay gusto na kitang kalimutan, alisin sa sistema ko, tuluyang mawala sa buhay ko. Talagang napagod na ko,sobrang pagod na pagod na. Ang dati kong deep-set na mga mata ay puro eyebags na ngayon (not to mention the dark circles around it) kakapuyat at kaiiyak dahil sa'yo. Ang dati kong figure na pinag-aawayan ng mga lalaki (to die for body as in "pamatay" - wish,hehehe) ay sa mga larawan na lang makikita (wow! extinct na to na parang mga dinosaurs, hindi lang endangered specie). Gusto ko nang mag-move on!Please let me go (as if). Alam kong hindi mo hiniling na mahalin kita(as if naman pinangarap ko din 'yun), pero honestly, hindi ko lang napigil ang sarili ko. Hay, ewan ba? I didn't see it coming! Nevertherless, here I am, desperately and hopelessly devoted sa 'yo.Parang tangang naghihintay at maghihintay sa wala. Kaya hindi ko na malaman kung saan magsisimulang lumimot sa 'yo. Ang hirap kasi hindi ko alam kung kelan kita sinimulang mahalin, basta nagising na lang ako isang araw na mahal na kita. So kung hindi ko namalayang minahal kita, paano pa kaya kita hindi mamahalin at sisimulang kumbinsihin ang sarili kong limutin ka?

Ang sabi ko dati, willing akong maghintay kahit forever, pero sadya nga yatang napakahaba ng forever at hindi ko na mahintay. Mahal kita. No! Mahal na mahal as in sobrang love kita pero sabi nila mahalin ko naman daw ang sarili ko. Kailangan ko din daw igalang 'yong magiging future wife mo (ouch!) at itigil na ang ilusyon na ito. I intend to find my happiness and ngayon unti-unti na nagsi-sink in sa utak ko na hindi ikaw ang magbibigay ng happiness na 'yon, even if you're the only man I have ever loved this way. Love shouldn't make you happy dahil dapat bago ka magmahal, you are already a complete person and that alone should make you happy.

One day, I know magmamahal din akong muli and I want to be ready and prepared when that day comes. For the meantime aayusin ko muna ang sarili ko and enjoy my singlehood and life to the fullest. I know you, too , will love again (maaari ngang in love ka na nagyon sa kung sino mang babaeng pinili ng puso mo) and sana gaya ng prayer ko, maging masaya din na gaya ko.

And one day when our paths cross again, ready na kong sabihing "Minsan, minahal kita at dahil doon, naging mas mabuti akong tao. Mas naging masaya ang buhay ko."

Heart Under Construction

2007-03-22T03:09:00.001-07:00

Been to a major heartbreak, pero ok lang. I'm still surviving, and yes, MOVING ON! And in-love? Probably...

MGA SINTOMAS NG TAONG MAY TAMA ( a.K.a INLAB):

- natutulala
-pag nakarinig ng love song ,automatic themesong na agad
-ngumingiti kahit mag-isa, kahit walang dahilan
-nauutal
-nasa-shy
-nagmumukhang tanga sa harap ng taong "lab" mo
-hindi makakibo
-gusto mong mag-morph or mag-teleport
-di makapag-isip nang maayos
-di makatingin nang diretso sa mata ng taong "lab" mo
-kinikilig
-lumulutang ang isip

Ilan lang 'yan sa manipestasyon pag in-lab ako. YEP:You read it right --- INLAB AKO! Haay...nakakaloka! Help me! Handa na ba ako? Is this gonna be Chapter 3 of my non-existent lovelife? Eherm... Basta ride na lang! Even if it leads me nowhere! Carry lang! It's not everyday that i feel elated and ecstatic like this, di ba? As I always say : BAHALA NA SI BATMAN!!!

Paikot-ikot...

2007-02-06T00:55:00.001-08:00

Why, totoo naman life is a cycle... paikot-ikot...paulit-ulit...sakyan mo na lang or mabaliw ka kung gusto mo!
Pag naiisip ko siya naiinis ako sa sarili ko...sana maumpog na ko sa semento at matauhan (wish ko lang matauhan sa kagagahan ko sa kaniya, wag lang masyadong grabe, hate ko pa naman ang hospitals!)...sige na magpo-post na lang ako ng quote at baka puro ka-dramahan na may halong comedy na naman ang mabasa ninyo dito...

"The happier i get, the harder i fall ; the harder i fall, the more i need you; the more i need you the less you're there; the less you're there, the more i want you; the more i want you, the more i love you; the more i love you, the happier i get...I was so determind never to fall again... But then i met you and im back to where i started"

See? Cycle lang talga ang life, laging back at one!

Naiisahan din daw si Bill Gates...

2007-01-29T01:33:00.000-08:00

It was a very awesome Sunday afternoon and I was very excited to see familiar faces in the church and of course to praise God. Pastor Oriel was so funny. Ung mababasa ninyo was one of his stories during his sermon.

One day Bill Gates died. He was asked by God to select which way he'd go --- heaven or hell. Bill Gates replied, "How could I choose if I know neither! I wouldn't know the difference?"

So God, with his ever precious gift to us gave Bill his free will to select. God requested Peter to accompany him to hell. Then, Bill Gates was very fascinated by what he saw --- blue beach, white sand and sexy ladies in their swimsuits running around. Bill said to himself,"Ain't this cool? I think I like it here."

And so Peter appealed,"Want to see heaven?".

Bill Gates agreed and was brought to heaven. When Bill Gates reached heaven, he was disappointed with what he saw --- angels singing and playing their harps. Bill Gates told himself,"Is this heaven? So boring."

Then God asked Bill,"So what's your choice Bill?".

Bill replied,"I think I like hell better than heaven". So while God was disappointed and unhappy with Bill's decision, He still requested Peter to send Bill to hell.

After a couple of months, Peter visited Bill Gates and Bill rushed to him and said,"I don't wanna be here anymore! I'm stinking and burning here. Tell me Peter, why, when the first time we came here, it wasn't like this and everything seemed nice and cool?".

Peter replied,"The first time we came here, you were just seeing a SCREENSAVER!"

Sulat Pag-ibig

2007-01-07T20:14:00.000-08:00

Para sa'yo Jo Me,(Sobra naman kasi ang pagkamanhid mo!)

Magandang araw sa'yo at sa mahal mong girlfriend! (Aray!!!)

Speaking of your girlfriend(aray!), nakita ko 'yong picture ninyong dalawa sa friendster niya...You seem to have shared a lot of good memories together...madalas akong maging hopeful dati dahil "single" ung status mo sa friendster (subukan mo kasing mag-upload ng cozy pix nio sa friendster or i-change mo sa "In A Relationship" ung status na-misled tuloy ako at nagpaka-asa asang puwede pa tayo. Lalo na ngayon na ini-air na naman ang Endless Love II - Winter Sonata, e tayo pa naman ang bida dun! Kala ko pa naman happy ending din tayu!!!).

Bakit ba kasi napaka-charming mo at kahit milya milya ang layo natin sa bawat isa, hatak na hatak mo pa rin ang puso ko at kaya mong kaladkarin all throughout Asia and Europe! Nakakainis, na ako na lang lagi ang point of tuksuhan at asaran sa get-together namin nina Ruthie! 'Lam mo 'yong feeling na nahihiya na ko sa kanila at ayaw kong pag-usapan ung pagiging sobra kong "obsessed" at "stalker" sa friendster account mo! Nakakapagod din naman, you know! Alam mo dati ang wish ko sana makita kita sa Pilipinas sa Pasko, pero ngayon parang ayaw ko na, kasi in all honesty, nung ibinalita sakin ng friend ko dati ung tungkol sa pagiging "taken" mo a couple of weeks (or months ata) back (imagine: isang spy friend ko sa Dubai ang nagbalita sakin at nag-screenshot ng friendster ng girlfriend mo --- Aray ulit!) ay hindi naman ako masyadong (gulp: hindi masyado) nasaktan. Pero parang pag sa real life ko ata makikita yun, 'yung may kasama kang iba, tas nakaakbay ka, tas sweet kayo, tas susubuan mo or susubuan ka ng food(yuck!) parang hihimatayin ata ako! Or baka buhusan ko kayong dalawa ng fave kong C2 - LemonII flavor! Ngayon ang wish ko na lang sana i-personal network mo na lang 'yong friendster mo para hindi na ako nate-tempt i-open! Hay, at nadaragdagan lang ang pagka-pikon at pagka-inis ko sa'yo dahil ikaw may iba na, samatalang ako...never mind, ibahin na lang natin ang usapan!

Kung binabasa mo man ang blogs ko (w/c I definitely doubt dahil malamang hindi mo na ako naaalala), sabi ko naman hindi ko igi-giit na mahalin mo rin. Okay na sa akin 'yong ganito. Naalala ko lang ung post ko (November 28) tungkol dun sa "dream" ko last time tungkol sa'yo, may part dun na nakita ko na may kasama kang girl (parang kamuhka nga ng gf mo 'yon) tas nagising ako na umiiyak. Parang eto yung nangyayari. Para atang warning yun - parang sign. Kelangan ko na talagang mag-move on at kalimutan ka kasi sabi nga ng mga friends ko --- hindi na daw healthy 'yong nararamdaman ko --- at well, mukha namang okay kayo ng gf mo together! (Teka lang nahihirapan na ata akong huminga...)
Sana okay ka lang diyan, hindi ka masyadong nahihirapan, kumakain sa tamang oras, nagte-take ng vitamins, nagpe-pray, nagbabasa ng bible, nanonood ng tv(may TFC or GMA Pinoy TV ba kayo sa bahay?), natutulog ng at least 6 hours sa night (siyempre gabi ka naman siguro natutulog dahil hindi ka na sa call center nagta-trabaho) at hindi nagkakasakit. Sana hindi ka inaaway ng gf mo (dahil baka masabunutan ko yan pag inaway ka dahil ako lang, tandaan mo, ako lang ang puwedeng magtaray sa'yo)! Sana hindi kayo nag-aaway and sana may blessing ni God 'yong relationship ninyo (ang hirap sabihin non kasi parang hiniling ko kay God na sana ibigay ka na niya talga sa gf mo at hindi saken) specially if she really makes you happy. I hope maging mas masaya at mas strong 'yong relationship ninyo (teka...hindi na tumitigil sa pagdugo ang puso ko...kelangan ko na atang magpahatid sa Broken Heart Center) at kung totohanan na yan, matuloy sa wedding at mag-raise kayo ng isang Christian family.

Sana naniniwala ka sa lahat lahat ng isinusulat ko dito dahil totoo yun (pwamis!). Mahirap sabihin sa isang taong minahal at minamahal mo nang sobra na sana maging masaya sa piling ng iba. Pero wala naman akong magagawa dahil I know na she's really making you happy at kung talgang mahal mo siya(check check: I can't believe na buhay pa ako!), may magagawa pa ba ako?! Ang prayer ko lang naman na sana hindi ka masaktan dahil mas masasaktan ako if ever.
And please, don't mind me. Yong pain, kaya ko yan. Asus, parang kalyo lang yan sa paa, titigas din pag tagal hanggang sa maging numb(hehehehe). Kaya ko ito. Isa lang ang hiling ko kung ikakasal na kayo, wag na wag ko na sanang malaman at please kahit hindi tayo close, wag mo kong kunin na ninang ng magiging anak niyo!!!

Sige, 'gang dito n lang ang letter ko kasi baka magalit si Mr. Smith ng friendster dahil ako ang sobrang umuubos ng resources ng friendster (sipag mag-blog, maraming photo album,maraming photos, maraming friends, etc...) Basta sana mag-ingat ka lagi, sa work, sa pag-akyat sa bundok, sa pag-aayos ng kung anik na anik na may kinalaman sa computers, sa pag-visit ng iba't ibang places at sa lahat ng ginagawa mo.

At lagi mong tatandaan na mahal na mahal...

Mahal na mahal...mahal na mahal pa den ang palitan ng dollar against peso, pero good news pa den kasi nag-roll back ung presyo ng gasolina kaya rollback den ang pamasahe sa jeep (P7.00 na ang minimum fare).
Ciao! (Ang haba na pala ng letter ko at surprisingly nakakapag-type pa rin ako sa keyboard!)

Nagmamahal kahit hindi mo mahal,
Janis

PS:

By the time na binabasa mo ito, baka hindi na ako humihinga sa sobrang hinagpis at panaghoy sa lubusang pagkawala mo sa buhay ko. You see, you're my life, you're my love and you're one of the many reasons why I continue to live and survive! And I doubt it, really doubt it if I'd love someone the way I love you!

Whisper

2006-12-29T17:37:00.000-08:00

There are things in life you can't change even if you want to - mistakes you want to rectify; broken pieces you want to make whole again and words you wish were left unsaid or words you wish you could've and should've confessed. We would never understand why life has to be lived forward while it was learned backwards.

Reverse Psychology

2006-12-15T18:51:00.000-08:00

Your Woman
White Town

Just tell me what you've got to say to me
I've been waiting for so long to hear the truth
It comes as no surprise at all you see
So cut the crap and tell me that we're through

Now I know your heart, I know your mind
You don't even know you're being unkind
So much for all your highbrow Marxist ways
Just use me up and then you walk away
Boy you can't play me this way

Well I guess what you say is true
I could never be the right kind of girl for you
I could never be your woman
I could never be your woman
I could never be your woman
I could never be your woman

When I saw my best friend yesterday
She said she never liked you from the start
Well me, I wish that I could claim the same
But you always knew you held my heart

And you're such a charming handsome man
Now I think I finally understand
Is it in your genes? I don't know
But I'll soon find out, that's for sure
Why did you play me this way?

Well I guess what you say is true
I could never be the right kind of girl for you
I could never be your woman
I could never be your woman
I could never be your woman
I could never be your woman

Well I guess what they say is true
I could never spend my life with a man like you
I could never be your woman.

=====================================

Why do we always blame ourselves if something (ex: relationship) didn’t work out? I watched Moms show yesterday and I guess I was a bit moved by what Bianca Lapuz said regarding her separation with Vhong Navarro. She would ask herself why did it have to happen, quoting from here “Siguro hindi ako maasikaso, siguro hindi ko nagwa ung best ko…” and she wold add “Pero, marami din naman akong sinakripisyo --- nagti-teenstar den ako nun, I gave up my studies…” Sabi ko naman since verything has two sides, kapag hindi balance, talagang magka-crumble, but there are things not meant to be no matter how hard you try or how hard you push to make it happen.

But sometimes hindi naman healthy if we keep blaming ourselves for something that didn’t turn out the way we expect or want it to be. There are things that are already beyond our control, we could only do so much. We can’t chose love to stay if it’s no longer there. We can’t force love to happen if it’s not there at all.

Well naisip ko lang imbes na sisihin natin ung sarili natin at mag-wallow sa self-pity, i-reverse natin… Baka siya naman ‘yong may mali, baka siya naman ‘yong nag-kulang, baka siya naman ‘yong may problema. Stop thinking you weren’t good enough to be loved, not deserving enough. Think of it this way “Bait talaga ni Lord, ayaw niya akong mapariwara. Gusto niya may makilala akong mas okay, BETTER, MAS GUWAPO at MAS MAYAMAN!” hahaha… basta whatever happens it’ll be his loss, not yours….

At paulit ulit nating i-recite yung pinaka-mataray na mantra na naimbento ko (initially para kay Edmund, ngayon para na den kay Jo.Me)

“I wish one day you'd miss me that no matter how hard you search for me, you won't find me. I wish one day you'd remember my face that no matteryou wish to forget, it'd keep haunting you. I wish one day you'd love me that no matter how hard you ignore it, you would always feel the pain. Then you'd be hurt, then you'd cry, then you'd long to be with me, only to realize I was gone and could love you no more...”

As the song goes :

When I saw my best friend yesterday
She said she never liked you from the start
Well me, I wish that I could claim the same
But you always knew you held my heart
(Eto ‘yong dati mong drama)

Well I guess what they say is true
I could never spend my life with a man like you
I could never be your woman…
(addendum: I would never be your woman because I chose not to!)
(Dapat eto na ang drama natin ngayon)

The Art of Letting Go

2006-12-09T18:09:00.000-08:00

What's the wisest thing to do if you extremely want something or someone that/who can never be yours (or can never be yours again or was never yours)?

Let go.

Easier said than done. We may defy it, resist it or rebel against it, but that's the way it should be...or the way we should go.

Let go.

This is definitely a big challenge for me as it is for anyone else...
You see, if you've been reading my blog (hahaha...I wish a lot've read it though it seems like Aimz is my only avid fan, not to mention Malen) I couldn't seem to forget him nor let go of the biggest "could've been" or "what if of my life"...Now I've come to realized that the factual thing behind crying bouts and sleepless nights, of being too frustrated and broken-hearted and not being able to move on is due to holding on to him and this special thing we'd shared, too much, way too much. There's still this sense of unreality with and in everything that had happened. There are still alotta unanswered questions...A lotta unspoken words...but...
I simply have to let go. I must let go...

I would like to share this SMS I received from Rajsh :

"There are things in the world that can never be ours...just because of these simple truths....1. They are bad for us...2. They belong to someone else...3. We already lost the opportunity to claim them as our own...and4. They are just not meant to be ours.So if you're caught up with wanting something you clearly can't have, remember : You may trade in all your cards for what you want... in the end, maybe you'll find that it's not something (or someone) you really need."
I am not saying that I've gotten over him, really I don't think it will be any sooner but I definitely say I could and I would. Crying bouts isn't overdue yet but it will soon be, I believe.
It had been too painful loving him and keeping him and it had caused me a lot of miseries, too. I've given up other men in favor of him who might not have any idea or might not love me back or love me in the same way I love him. But that's okay, I believe that though love may not require you to physically wilt and die, there are one too many emotional tortures. I couldn't blame him nor myself because it had already happened and there's nothing I , him or anyone can do to undone it. Maybe I really lost the opportunity to own him when I was too busy living my life and forgot to get his signals and undeliberately hurt him in the process. Little did I know I'd regret over that and lost him forever. Now I coudl only look and love afar and hope for eternal happiness for him. I could only be happy and equally proud of what he had become, successfully finding his place under the sun and standing firmly on it.

I would stop thinking of him that much and start to convince myself that it's a lost cause, that he's not coming back. I have to tell myself the dreaded truth only I refused to acknowledge : He is not mine and he'll never be. I have to move on and live on for I have a full life ahead of me.
It's like telling yourself that it's no use crying over spilled milk and let bygones be bygones, let's charge everything to experience.

He goes east, I'll go west... and we both will live.

That's all for now.

Where is Mr. Right???

2006-12-09T18:04:00.000-08:00

Para sa mga singles, separada, ilusyunada, mga bf-less, loveless, may partner pero feeling mo maling tao ung partner mo at sa lahat ng babae...

Reasons why women find it hard to get their men:
- nice men are ugly
- handsome men are not nice
- handsome and nice men are gays
- handsome, nice and hetero men are married
- men who are not so handsome but nice, have no money
- men who are not so handsome but nice and with money think girls are only after their money
- handsome men who have no money are after the girls' money
- handsome men who are not so nice and somewhat hetero don't think the girls are beautiful enough

(I received this SMS from Elai...musta na gurl?!?!?!)

I put that SMS as an opening for this passage because I know it'd really catch attention (It caught mine!) and would instigate arguments from both sexes --- macho pigs from planet Mars and pretty fairies from planet Venus (aka MEN and WOMEN, respectively). For some, the above message conveys bitterness, but for a few, it sounds pessimistic, if not perfectionist. It made the "manhunting" activities of women as somewhat unattainable or impossible and the issue between two sexes irreconcilable. But when I forwarded this to sa friend, she panicked to high heavens --- "My,oh,my Janis...kelangan na nating magmadali, nauubos na sila!" --- as if MEN are chief commodities found in a supermarket. But her panic sent me to deep thinking --- do we really run out of good men, I mean "good men" we could bring home to our mothers and introduce as future homemakers??? Or women today had raised the bar up high that no man could reach the standard?

The above SMS could be summarized by my lifelong Yahoo! signature (w/c I hedonistically created when I was celebrating getting over my lifetime crush, Edmund). The said signature also created rave from people who came across my Yahoo! profile.

"There is no such thing as Mr. Right or the Man of My Dreams, he' s an illusion. There are 3 types of MEN --- one is GAY, the other TAKEN and last, MEN who are looking in the wrong places."

Is there really a special guy out there that's created and meant for you alone? (Received this question from a certain Jelische from Friendster, I dunno why people are sending lots of messages through Friendster asking me a lot of questions and asking me to create a passage or a story they'd like to read --- feeling ko isa akong love guru (loveless at that) na pinagtatanungan at isang batikang manunulat para magbigay katarungan sa kanilang mga kahilingan. FYI : Isa lamang po akong simpleng mamamayan na nagnanais na mailahad ang nilalaman ng aking puso at dahil ito po ay batay sa totoong karanasan ay batid kong maraming makauugnay ng kanilang buhay sa mga sulatin ko.) Going back, do you really belive you have a soulmate? A person whose quest in life is to find you, too and live happily ever after??? Or Mr. Right is just that --- a psuedonym, a fictitious name we, women, give the man we created in our imagination --- created in our dreams, thus, stayed there. Never real, never real. If only we could steal them away from our dreams and hug them for real...(sigh...)
I read once that people are created with only one wing, your quest is to find the other half so you could soar up the sky. The question of the lifetime : Where would I start searching for the the other half of my wing? I dunno, I honestly dunno. It's a cliche that love would just come, that's why it's called falling in love, it just happened, you could never plan ahead, nor create it. I remembered last night we watched a play entitled : The Fifth Prodigal (was one of the best plays I've ever seen!), it was mentioned in the play "Ang pag-ibig minsan lang dumarating sa buhay yan!", well I said to myself and my friends "Minsan nga hindi pa..." then I bitterly thought "Minsan nga dumating na, akala mo yun na...you almost said it's the real thing...pero, hindi pala para sa'yo...".

All women out there are still silently praying that the right one would come along at the exact, right time. Like damsels in distress (heroines in so many fairy tales), we all dream and wish for our Knight in Shining Armors, to save us from life's miseries and give us the ever after happiness we all are yielding and dreaming of. Pero nasaan n nga ba talaga si Mr. Right? A m I standing at the wrong place or talgang naliligaw lang sila sa maling landas (and ended with with bad and bitchy gurls) ???

"There comes a time in a girl's life when she finds herself wishing that someone will just come to rescue her and tell her that it's okay not to be tough, that she doesn't have to protect herself from getting hurt anymore because he's already there to protect her, that she doesn't have to worry about getting her heart broken because he'll do whatever it takes not to let it happen." (SMS sent by Rajsh...mishu na den gurl!)

Sentiments mo rin yan noh?! Aminin....

PS:
Kapag nakita ninyo nga si Mr. Right, pakisabi hinihintay ko siya, ha!

Nag-iisa ka ba????

2006-11-18T22:49:00.000-08:00

In this life, you can’t avoid gossip and unkind words from others…Whatever you do, you will never please everyone. Remember: If you’re not worth anything, they wouldn’t bother!!!!
Whenever you start or do something new, you would always face the challenge of adaptation and survival. Adaptation so you could tune yourself up to the entirety and familiarization of this whole new experience. Once you had adjusted, you’d face the challenge of staying and prolonging your welcome --- will you survive or/and if ever you survive, how long will it last?
I would bravely admit that I am facing this dilemma now. I'm having a hard time fitting in. I'm new to this company and I am used to establishing solid and intimate relationship with colleagues and wavemates. I mean I've been with several companies and I have yet to experience this, for I always find/establish solid relationship with them and keep in touch with them for years. A lot of them would still text me, send friendster PM's and email messages. Some of them still long to see me and miss my company so much that they're "nagtatampo" if I'm not able to fulfill my promise of seeing or visiting them. I'm new to an organization now and I have a lot of adjustments to do. I feel so isolated and alone. But I don't feel pathetic at all not because I have a close friend now who happened to be happy and content even if we’re the only close (like closest friend sa account namin)people here. Sure, there are times I am feeling bad about the whole thing and I couldn't seem to get a grip of what I'm going to be or how I'm gonna act just so I could please them and be accepted. I need not stoop that low and make a fool of myself. I need not push myself that hard because I know that I've done my share reaching out to them and when I got slighted once, it'd be their loss not mine, though that doesn't mean I ain't open to be their friend. I would always keep my door open and they need not knock, they would just have to enter.

I am eventually learning to love myself more. It really is a process, a long and hard process. I'm through living life trying to please people, you might, needless to say, lose yourself in the process. While it's true that you adjust so you could fit in, sometimes they won't just let you in no matter what, either they don't want you for one reason to another or they just don't want true,loving and lasting friends. You don't have to try that hard, there are billions of people on earth who would be more deserving and receptive, and if those people don't want to be associated with you, then it's no longer your loss. Negative people will never be positive until they undego electrolysis process of life but you don't have to mingle with them for they might corrupt the positivity and the inner beauty in you.

I won't say I'm unaltered or unaffected by what's happening (hindi naman ako si Mandy Moore sa fave kong movie na "A Walk to Remember") , but I know that I am a good person and that I have a lot to share and give. These people around me might not see it now but I won't plead them to accept me. As long as I am whole (and believe that I am), I don't need anyone to complete me. I love myself and I already have a lot of friends, friends for keeps (sobrang dami talga nila kaya hindi ko na iisa-isahin!!!). For all other issues I have in life, a bar of chocolate or a pint of ice cream will do or I would rush to the nearest mall and go straight to the food court (hmm...yummie food) --- pig out, sister!! (Give in to that carb craving!). And in the event you have a lot penny to splurge...go ahead and indulge!!!! Afterall, at the end of the day, you still have youself and God --- nothing could come in between and nothing and no one could destroy this relationship.

Why don't we say the mantra over again :
In this life, you can’t avoid gossip and unkind words from others…Whatever you do, you will never please everyone. Remember: If you’re not worth anything, they wouldn’t bother! (I added my won personal mantra!) The best way to fight back is to pull it off and hold it all together while everyone else is expecting you to give up and fall apart.
Ang taray di ba?! Ako pa? Si Janis de Asis pa, ang babaeng Amazona (sabi ni Jahnays)!

Recommended book : Winning Your Inner Struggles by Harold J. Sala

Isang Iglap

2006-11-13T00:46:00.000-08:00

Have you ever noticed how fast time flies? Kahapon grade one ka lang, ngayon grade one na 'yong anak mo? Ako nga parang gusto kong pigilan ang oras, kasi parang ang bilis-bilis ng panahon. Hindi naman gusto ko talagang pigilan, I just want to slow it down kasi gusto kong i-treasure lahat ng moments at events na nangyayari sa buhay. Most of all, gusto kong i-treasure at yakapin nang mahigpit 'yong mga taong mahal ko. As they always say, time is gold, it is somethingnakapag lumapas na, natapos na, something that could never be brought back.
I remember when I was young and the world was new, ang saya-saya lahat. Everything was a breeze and simple - no complications, no entanglements and everything is nice. Walang problema, walang iniisip because there were people who're looking after us. Pero ngayon, its time you stand on your own and find your place under the sun. If only I could turn back time, ito' yong mga babalikan ko (Ito rin iyong mga bagay na nami-miss ko):

Ayaw na ayaw mong matulog sa tanghali. Naiinis ka kapag tinatawag ka ng nanay mo para lang matulog sa tanghali, minsan pag nakita mo siya bago ka niya makita ay tinataguan mo pa. Tumakas ka lang nga after mong mag-lunch at hinintay mo siyang mag-siesta para pumuslit at katapugpin sina totoy, nene, boy at kung sino pang kalaro mo para maghabulan hanggang sa lumawit nag mga dila ninyo sa pagod, tapos pauuwiin ka lang para matulog? Wala ka ring pakialam kahit mangamoy kalabaw ka, at mangagsunog ang buhok mo sa araw, masaya kasi ang maglaro lalo na sa gitna ng initan. Favorite mong expression ang â€œBati tayo di ba?. Naaalala ko pa dati, kahit anong grabe nang iyakan naming magkakaibigan pagkatapos magsabunutan at mag-away, kinabukasan kami-kami rin ang magkakalaro ng piko, Chinese garter at patintero. Kahit nagsipagsumbungan sa mga nanay dahil nakipag-away ka, lagi mong sinasabi "Hindi naman masakit, e!" pag ikaw yong napuruhan or "Nyenyenyenyenye..buti nga!" pag llamado ka sa laban.
Umiiyak kapag hindi pinayagang maligo sa ulan, tapos dudungaw sa bintana na punungpuno ng hinanakit sa mundo dahil naglalaro sa gitna ng ulan ang lahat ng kalaro mo. Sa lugar na kinalakhan ko na parang probinsiya pa, walang kasingsaya pag umuulan. Kelangan lagi kang present kasi maiinggit ka talaga - maghahabulan pa kayo hanggang makarating sa parang. Bakit hindi ka maiinggit, ang sarap maligo sa ulan, â€˜yon yong mga times na kahit nangingitim na yong labi mo sa ginaw, hindi ka talaga uuwi hanggat may pumapatak pang ulan. Ano naman kasi ang gagawin mo sa loob ng bahay kundi magmukmok at kumbinsihing matulog na lang ng nanay mo?
Walang hindi nakukuha sa iyak. Naaalala ko noong bata ako, napaka-untouchable ko. Pag nag-aaway kaming magkakapatid, hindi ako masaling ng mga kuya ko, pero ako libreng sumapak (hahaha) at aamba pa lang â€˜yong kamay ng mga kuya ko, iiyak na ako. Lagot sila sa nanay, palo ang aabutin nila! Pag may gusto kang ipabili or may gusto kang makuha, kahit sa mga kalaro mo, luha ang pinakamabisang paraan para makuha yon! Noon, may lisensiya kang umiyak dahil bata ka!
Ang pilay at peklat ay bahagi ng buhay-bata. Madalas kaming umakyat sa mga puno sa parang. Komplete yata lahat ng puno sa amin - mangga, balete, bayabas, kaimito, kamatsili, duhat, bignay at iba pa. Kumpleto din ang lahat ng gulay sa bahay kubo sa tanim ni Kakang Ambo - sitaw, upo, patola, okra, kamatis (prutas pala to!), talong, patatas, talbos ng kamote, ampalaya, malunggay, atbp. Madalas kaming umakyat sa puno ng mangga at ng balete kasi iyon yong pinakamalalagong puno. Gumawa pa nga kami ng treehouse. At nung minsan nahulog si Yeng sa puno ng duhat at halos tatlong buwan ding walang umakyat sa punong iyon dahil tatlong buwan ding naka-semento ang paa ni Yeng. Kami naman sa kakalaro, madalas maging bisita ni Aling Maria dahil madalas ding mapilayan at trangkasuhin, minsan kasi masyadong pisikal 'yong laro namin. Madalas kasi kaming mangaso (hehehe) ng mga kahoy para sa mumunting mga kubo namin sa gitna ng parang. Kung hindi naman pilay, sugat at galos naman sa kaiipon ng dayami at paglalaro ng track and field sa patag. Pinasira man nila nanay 'yong mga kubo namin sa parang dahil ayon sa hatol ni Aling Maria, namatanda daw si Tawe kaya hindi maalis-alis 'yong lagnat pero nong dinala naman sa doctor, tipus pala 'yong sakit!
Kapag pasukan paborito mong araw ang Biyernes at Sabado. Huwebes pa lang gabi, excited na ako. Ang hirap kasi maging pang-umaga sa school, hindi ka puwedeng maglaro kasi maaga pang gigising kinabukasan at may mga assignment pang tatapusin. Pero pag dating ng Biyernes, free na free kang maglaro at abutin ng gabi sa piling ng mga kalaro mo. Hindi mo kailangang gawin ang mga assignments kasi walang pasok bukas. Tapos pupunta pa kayo sa Jollibee kinabukasan (I love you Sabado..)! Tapos makakatulog ka nang mahimbing at may ngiti sa labi dahil bukas, maglalaro ka maghapon!

Ngayon kasi ito na ang drama ko:

Kailangan kong matulog sa tanghali. Kung noong bata ako, ayaw na ayaw kong matulog sa tanghali, nagyon kailangan ko.Bakit hindi, night shift ako? Ngayon, wish ko laging umuwi ng bahay after shift at wala akong balak taguan ang nanay ko, ako na mismo ang natutulog. One trainer once said to me, "Janis, sleep is really a luxury in this industry. Kay pag may time matulog, matulog ka lang!"
Ang fondness at inis sa ulan, depende sa sitwasyon. Pag summer at night shift ka, kailangan umuulan para malamig a matulog per pag bumabiyahe ka naiisip mo'ng mas mainam nga na El Nino n lang lagi --- baha ang kalsada, ang aarte ng mga taxi driver, mahirap sumakay, maputik and daan at higit sa lahat, WALANG BUMIBIYAHENG PEDICAB SAMIN, paano ako maglalakad sa 'gang tuhod na baha!?
Hindi lahat nakukuha sa iyak at higit sa lahat minsan gusto mong umiyak kahit walang dahilan. Familiar ba? I think ito 'yong pina-seryosong part ng maturation/growing up (hindi ko na sinabing "pagtanda"). Minsan dumadating sa buhay ng tao na feeling mo hindi mo na kaya...uupo ka na lang sa isang tabi at iiyak, to at least ease out the burden kahit hindi man tuluyang mawala. Nong mga bata tayo, konting iyak lang makukuha na natin 'yong gusto natin. Nagyon kahit dugo pa ang iiyak mo, balewala pa rin. You just have to accept the fact that there are things not meant to be. Period!
Ang pilay at peklat ay bahagi ng buhay. May mga scars na mas matindi pa sa peklat at may mga fracture na mas nakakatakot kaysa pilay. These are the emotional and social toilings and struggles na hihaharap natin bawat sandali ng buhay natin sa mundo. Mas nakakatakot ang mga results at consequences than the physical scars na iniiwan nito dahil mas humihiwa sa puso at tumatanim sa isip.
Paborito kong petsa and 10th and 25th of the month and favorite days ko in a week ang Thursday at Friday. 10th and 25th? Suweldo kasi 'yon...hahaha...makikita ko na rin si Mr. ATM at si Ninoy (pero, abot tainga ang ngiti ng nanay ko) kasi parang pinawi-withdraw lang sa 'kin ang suweldo ko. Pero okay lang, 'yong mga payslips na itinatago ang nagpapatunay na may silbi ako at tumutulong ako sa Pilipinas --- aba, tax pa lang namin siguradong masayan masaya ang BIR! Thursday and Friday? Kasi restdays ko yan, ang sarap sarap matulog, kung puwede lang na 2days akong wag ng gumising...

Minsan nakaka-miss maging bata. Kung bakit kasi ang bilis ng panahon. Sana mas sinulot ko pa ung childhood ko. Maraming bagay na ginagawa mo non ang hindi na pwede nayon. Ang hirap kumita ng pera, ang daming problema. Pero anu't ano man, masaya pa rin and buhay. At paulit-ulit na sinasabi ni Malen "Ang buhay paganda nang paganda"...at dudugtungan ko yan "Parang tayo...paganda rin nang paganda"....!

Amen.

Sabi nila

2006-10-26T23:04:00.000-07:00

Maraming hindi nakaiintindi ng narararamdaman ko, but I don't care, so long as masaya ako at wala akong sinasaktan or nasasaktan na tao (maliban sa sarili ko)! Isa-isahin natin.

Sabi nila pathetic daw ako dahil hanggang ngayon mahal pa rin kita. Hanggang ngayon ayaw palitan, hindi makalimutan. Dapat na daw akong maghanap ng iba. Hindi nga sila naniniwalang nag-e-exist ka. Isa ka daw alamat, epiko...and bottom-line, isa ka daw kathang isip. Ang pinaka-best na gawin ay kalimutan ka, maging masaya at humanap ng iba! Pero ang tanong : Paano? Itong nararamdaman ko, biglaan, walang plano, hindi pinilit. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung paano akong na-inlove, i-un-inlove pa kaya?

Sabi nila martyr daw ako. Maraming iba, nagti-tiyaga sa iba, sa iyo. Marami daw akong opportunities na sinayang para maging masaya sa piling ng iba? Paano ka ba magiging masaya sa piling ng iba kung hindi mo naman mahal, di ba? Mas pathetic kung magse-settle ka lang sa kung sinong available, you might end up forcing yourself to love someone for the sake of coupledom. Hindi ako naniniwalang natututunan ang pag-ibig. Hindi naman ito isang subject or course sa school para pag-aralan. I mean maraming pilosopo at siyentipiko na ang nag-attempt na ipaliwanag nang konkreto ang mahiwagang existence at process ng "love" but to no avail! Ako naniniwala ako sa spark, sa sudden urge, doon sa parang force or hipnotism that draws you towards the one you love, specially if that person's around. Itong spark na ito 'yong nagbibigay sa'yo ng reasons and motivations to know the person deeply --- so you could give justice sa naramdaman mo at first sight, if it's valid or invalid (hehehe). I believe in corny stuffs like butterfiles in the stomach, world stops spinning, etc...Bakit? Dahil 'yon ang nararamdaman ko for you. And no other man had made me feel this way!

At ang pinaka-malala, baliw na daw ako. Insane. Crazy. Tinanong nga ako ng siang friend ko "Janis, sure ka? Willing kang maghintay kahit forever even if you're holding on a circumstantial eveidence na mahal ka niya? Okay lang talagang tumandang dalaga kahihintay sa kaniya? What if may iba na siya? What if malaman mong bakla pala siya? May ka-live in abroad? May anak na? Married?" Sagot ko naman, "YES" in all of the above except the last question, ibang usapan na yan! Saka single pa den naman status niya sa friendster (hopeful!naks!).
Siguro maraming natatawa, naiinis at naaawa sa akin, pero let it be. Weird na kung weird, pero ganon naman talaga eh! Mahirap naman talagang intindihin ang love di bah? That is why it's called falling in love : you just fall, you don't jump or hop!Dahil falling doesn't include any decision, it's something unintentional, involuntary, unplanned, automatic. Eh di sana hindi "falling in love", rather "jumping or hopping in love"? Marami man akong naririnig, okay lang dahil mas kilala ko ang sarili ko at alam ko kung saan ako masaya. Belive me maligaya ako sa kugn ano man ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. Ang mas importante ang sabi ng utak ko matino ako at sabi ng puso ko masaya ako dahil in-love ako. Kung may darating na iba para pumalit sa'yo sa puso ko, I would welcome him with all my heart. Pero dumating man 'yong time na 'yon, I hope hindi mo malimutan na minsan minahal kita nang sobra sobra! Pero sa ngayon let me love you 'til my heart beats for someone else or my heart dies loving you.

It's okay for now just loving you from afar, looking at you from the corner. What about this longing I feel inside? Hahanapin na lang kita sa friendster and it would stay this way hanggang makahanap ako ng lakas ng loob para sabihin sa'yo ang feelings ko. Promise, I won't ask you to love me back but just lemme love you 'til I ran out of it. Loving you had made me create a world, my own world where I have you and me. When I'm terribly missing you, I just close my eyes and go back to my own world --- a world that's full of imaginations and dreams. For I know in my dreams, I could make a delusion a reality. And in my dreams, you love me. Just as the song goes :

"You see in my dreams,

We climb and climb

And at the top we fly

Let the world go on below us

We are lost in time

And I don't know really what it means

All I know is that you love me, in my dreams..."

More than broken-hearted...in despair...

2006-09-11T01:53:00.000-07:00

I really hate nostalgia...it really makes me some kinda sick, to the point of throwing out... But I can't help it... I may have little (or shall I say few) memories of him, but it's effects are inevitably hurting me, and would forever haunt me...More than being just memories, I think those few memories I have with him (that I would forever keep) would be apt to be called "legacy", more aptly categorized as spirit, rather than just being part of my system...

It was 2:38 AM and we we're driving towards Nasugbu, Batangas with some friends when my friend turned the radio on. Incidently, this song suddenly was aired (This was I think a slow rock/love song fr the 80's....and I would've to admit I'm really a sucker for late 80's and early 90's songs --- esp slow rock/alternative and the like...) and as I was listening to the music, I realized that this song might've been especially written for him...

All alone tonight
I'm calling out your name
Somewhere deep inside
This part of you remains
Images of love
Take me back in time

I don't know how it started
Why it ever had to end
But something stepped inside
We didn't let it in
Is keeping us apart
Where are you now

Where are you now
Is someone there tonight
Holding what was mine
Where are you now
Do you wonder where I am
Are you really feelin' fine

Goin' through my life
Without you by my side
You're the only thing
That keeps goin' through my mind
And nothin' that I do
Can take the place of you

Where are you now
Is someone there tonight
Holding what was mine
Where are you now
Do you wonder where I am
Are you really feelin' fine

Oooh, thinkin about you, boy
There's gotta be a place for me
Somewhere in your heart

All alone tonight
I'm calling out your name
Somewhere deep inside
This part of you remains
Images of love
Where are you now

Where are you now
Is someone there tonight
Holding what was mine
Where are you now
Do you wonder where I am
Are you really feelin' fine
Where are you now
Is someone there tonight
Holding what was mine
Where are you now
Do you wonder where I am
I need you here tonight....

---

To Jo.Me,

Are you also feeling lost like I do?
Feeling cold and alone?
Where are you now?

Ewan ko ba, siguro 'gang ngayon nag-iilusyon pa rin ako...na may gusto ka nga sa kin? Did you ever love me? Or at the very least became interested in me? Totoo ba ung sinabi mo dati or trip-trip lang talga?

Hear me out please, please....(Or else...talagang manhid ka or torpe!) Naalala ko tuloy ung sinabi ni Oprah "If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay".

Sana magreply ka....please....kahit na sabihin mo lang na "C'mon Janis, dream on !!! Never!".... at least alam ko kung saan ako mag-start ulit sa life ko...

Meron pa kong isang song sau :

I´d cross the desert to be where you are
All the things I do to be close to you
A million miles wouldn't seem that far
I´d go anywhere just to win your heart
But wherever this leads
There's something I need

I need love
The kind that makes you wanna live
The kind that makes you wanna breath
The kind that makes you feel too much
And I need you
To help me find a better way
And I guess you never thought you'd hear me say
I need love
I need love

And when I see you I just lose my mind
You're the everything I thought I'd never find
Must be an angel watching over me
With a little luck we're gonna make you mine
Cos I wanna believe (I wanna believe)
In all we can be (all we can be)

And ohI will catch you when you fall
Be the greatest love of all
I promise to be
If you give me what I need, I need

I need love
I need you
The kind that makes you feel
The one that makes you wanna live
The one that makes you wanna breath
And I need you
To help me find the better way
And I guess you never thought you'd hear me say
I need love
I´d cross the desert
I´d cross the desert to be where you are

Come to think of it, talga namang nasa desert ka...

Janis

EM YU

2006-09-04T23:21:00.000-07:00

EM YU

Janis de Asis
(Para kay Jo.Me)

Nami-miss mo rin kaya ako?
Naiisip paminsan-minsan?
Naaalala mo rin kaya ako?
Minsang naging bahagi ng buhay mo?

Alam kong pasaway ako. Mahilig mag-isip.
Mahilig mag-duda. Makulit. Paulit-ulit.
Deadma. Manhid. Mahirap kumbinsihin. Magulong kausap.
Suplada. Mataray. Isnabera...kahit hindi naman maganda!
Pero sabi mo non mahal mo ako di ba? Sabi mo pa nga:
"No amount of words could describe what I'm feeling for you!"
Pero nasaan ka na? Bakit hindi na kita makita?

Makikilala mo pa kaya ako?
Kung muling magkita tayo?
Papansinin mo kaya ko?
Maalalang minsa'y minahal ng puso mo?

Sana noon pa pinatulan kita
Nang naranasan ko kung pano'ng mahalin mo.
Naramdaman 'yong saya pag kasama ka.
Kahit sa puso ko'y my duda...
na sasaktan mo lang ako...
Pero ano nga bang kaibahan, hindi ba't nasasaktan pa rin naman ako ngayon...
Disin sana minsan sa buhay ko naging masaya ako sa piling mo...
Sana'y inamin kong mahal kita
Kahit alam kong hindi totoong nagmamahal ka
Kahit nandon yong takot na paglaruan lang ang damdamin ko
Sana'y sinabi kong mahal kita nang sobra sobra
Kahit lahat sa'yo'y trip o laro lang.

At least...
hindi sana ako nahihirapan nang ganito
hindi sana ako nasasaktan nang ganito
hindi sana malungkot ang buhay ko
na parang may kulang
hindi sana nagdurugo ang puso...

Meron ka na kayang iba?
Sana wala...sana wala pa
Sana hintayin mong malimutan muna kita
At hayaan akong muling magsimula.

Nato-torture na ko sa kaiiisip
Kung ano na bang nangyari
Kung mahal kita at mahal mo ako
Paanong hindi tayo nagtagpo?

At parang habambuhay tayong magkalayo???

Lintek na pagmamahal 'yan!

2006-07-16T06:46:00.000-07:00

I saw his pix on friendster...I couldn't help but be proud of him...I know he could really reach places, literally and figuratively...Much to my surpise, I am happy for him...I see that he really is...And I have to be grateful for that --- that though I'm not happy, at least he is...

Life's not getting easier each day and I'm not getting any younger (hahaha). Each passing day reminds me of "The Greatest WHAT-IF or REGRET" of my life. Each day reminds me that I lost my once being so "INVINCIBLE and CONFIDENT", thinking I could own the world and enjoy my own domain. Each day reminds me of my biggest mistake --- of falling in love and not finding enough courage to fight for it. I was convinced before that I could live a normal life without him (I sure did considering that I am still breathing), but I realized just now that I was wrong...so, so wrong! Though I am breathing, I am nothing but a hollow,cold-blooded creature that's made up of flesh and bones (plus fat and cellulite).

Ayokong mag-drama but I can't help it... I terribly miss him...sobra! How long had it been since the last time I saw him...a year? two years? But then the memories live on even if we didn't have much or he hadn't give me much to remember him by...But being nostalgic, everything keeps coming back na parang kahapon lang nangyari lahat...

Akala ko when I finally got over Ed.Na, I'd be happy and free...But that even worsen the situation...Si Ed.Na, mahirap mahalin that he had become a goal that I should pursue. But with him, it's different. Kung si Ed.Na, mahirap mahalin, siya nakakatakot mahalin. Why, he's out of my league and I would've to admit that he's easy on the eye and have the power and charm to get any woman he would choose! He's too much for me and I would certainly get hurt in the end, needless to say end up broken hearted. He's too much for me in everything and every way I could imagine --- only one of two things would happen, either he would hurt me or mamahalin niya ako nang totoo...So I ran away with the hope that everything'd turn out good. Pero bakit gano'n, hindi ako maka move on.I dunno where or how to start.Should I start by forgetting him and finding someone else?...Nah...I exactly tried that, to the point of pushing myself to find someone I could love or giving other men chances and went out to some of them.

But at the end of the day, I still find myself back to where I began --- and truly belong --- finding myself still madly in love with him. Siya na lang ata ang nag-iisang lalaking mamahalin ko in this lifetime...That's a fact. Isn't it sad? Sad and lonely fact.

I still love him and nothing and no one could ever change that.Here's a song for him, this is my favorite song of all.

I took my love and I took it down
If I climb a mountain and I turn around
And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hill
The landslide brought it down

Mirror in the sky what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Well, I've been afraid of changing
Co'z I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
And the children get older
And I'm getting older, too

So I took my love and I took it down
If you climb a mountain and you turn around
If you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
The landslide brought me down

------
Lintek na pagmamahal 'yan!

Somewhere in the middle

2006-04-23T22:32:00.000-07:00

a road diverged into two, w/c way should I go?

a broken heart or a whole self?

fallen on the ground, torn between standing up or to wallow fully on the ground

i am somewhere in the middle...

Sufrize!!! Sufrize!!!! Insensitive daw ako????

2006-04-04T19:57:00.000-07:00

I logged in to friendster last night… whoa I had what…say seven messages received and unread (yet)…so I opened my inbox to read everything and one message shocked me to death!!! How would you…or what should you feel if someone sent you a song??? Of course you should feel glad, ryt? Who wouldn’t ?

pero pano kung eto ung sinend sau matutuwa kb???

------------------

How do you cool your lips
After a summer’s kiss
How do you rid the sweat
After the body bliss

How do you turn your eyes
From the romantic glare
How do you block the sound
Of a voice you’d know anywhere

Oh, I really should have known
By the time you drove me home
By the vagueness in your eyes
Casual good-byes
By the chill in your embrace
The expression on your face
That told me
Maybe You might have some advice to give
On how to be Insensitive

How do you numb your skin
After the warmest touch
How do you slow your blood
After the body rush

How do you free your soul
After you’ve found a friend
How do you teach your heart
It’s a crime to fall in love again

Oh, you probably won’t remember me
It’s probably ancient history
I’m one of the chosen few
Who went ahead and fell for you
I’m out of vogue,
I’m out of touch I fell too fast,
I feel too much
I thought that you might have
Some advice to give on how to be
Insensitive

Loser...sour, sour loser...

2006-04-04T19:39:00.000-07:00

Am I really???

Don't get me wrong...I am a very strong and positive person but there were times I felt otherwise...

And I hate the feeling...of being a loser as I am and have always believed, a VICTOR!!!

Confessions and Masquerade...

2006-03-26T08:37:00.000-08:00

I am not looking for someone to love. I believe that life still offers me a lot to live on and live for... I don't have to ask for more, for something I don't have...

But there is a certain longing I feel inside. At the end of the day, I would feel this certain emptiness, this whole wing of nothingness...a whole in my heart, a lump. I would feel sick. It's like a plague that keeps striking me...a dream, a nightmare that keeps haunting me... never lets me sleep, never keep me in peace.

It has been nothing but tiring...wearing a mask, a facade that hides who I really am. More than anything, more than anyone can see --- that I am strong and intimidating, unaltered, determined, unshakeable --- I would have to admit that I am a coward...An unfeeling, insensitive and coward person. Ever heard of defense mechanism? If my life isn't that, what else can you call it?

I may appear to be free but I'm just a prisoner (borrowed lines from one of my fave artist Macy Gray)... I may appear to be strong, calm and composed but there is an undying revulsion inside of me just waiting for the perfect time to explode. I guess I just hate to admit that I need someone to make me live...just as the tree needs water, balloon needs the air. Before I sleep at night (or day) I would still think of one thing --- i wish i could find somene whom i could say "goodnight" to with a kiss... I wish I could ask someone to stay beside me...I wish I could ask someone to love me...But I just couldn't...Not for the scarcity of men or the chances --- I just couldn't find that someone.

And if there is a most tiring cliche and thing in the world --- that is waiting, longing...To sit and wait for something is really tiring. While you're doing nothing physically, you have your mind wondering and wandering...Never ending thinking, evaluating and analyzing...

Some people said I lost those chances by driving men away...Had I really?

Probably...If only for a personal message I received (friendster account)...that message belonged to someone I know so well...someone who WAS very special to me then...if only then he had found the courage to say those to me, something wonderful could've happened...but maybe he didn't have enough courage then or maybe I didn't show much interest in him, not enough encouragement... (whatever! )

Here's the song he had sent me :

There once was love thrown into your room
But you never knew
A calendar of days just for you
But you never knew, never knew no
And the truth that you'll find will always be
The truth you hide

So how do you love, how do you love
When your angels can't sing, and your world is still
Lacking of me

There once were eyes that only saw you
But you never knew
A portrait of a flower in full bloom
But you never knew, never knew no
And the words that you fear will always be
The words you hear

This space where you've been living
Has gifts you've never given
That's the face you always show
Ask me for words of wisdom
Tell me of your condition
I don't know, I don't
I don't know

And the truth that you'll find will always be
The truth you hide

Maybe I'm still too afraid to risk, to fall in love and take off my shield...

And when I finally did, I had to run away...

As I am always running away.

Why do I always run away???

I am...in love???

2006-03-04T15:29:00.000-08:00

i can't tell if i already am...but there is an inexplicable joy in seeing him...
just by being near him...
i don't care if he knows me nor my existence, but i'm just happy knowing he's around...

i don't know when i started loving him...i am still uncertain but there is very strong emotion, a strong forcce that's drawing me near him...
a strong and willfull force that i can't control...
because i don't want to...

this can't be denied, whatever it is, i am just glad and elated that i am still capable feeling this way...
to care for someone, even if that someone doesn't have the foggiest idea of what i feel for him...
isn't this great...the total and true meaning of freedom --- having someone so wonderful without owning him? embracing him in your dreams ad keeping him in your heart...

pero natatakot ako...sa kung ano ay hindi ko alam...
ayokong lumait sa kaniya kasi baka makilala ko siya nang mas malalalim and only one of 2 things might happen --- either lalayo ako or mas lalong lalapit...Either way, alam kong masasaktan lang ako...

i guess i have to admit na isa akong duwag n tao...despite what others can see --- matapang, malakas, intimidating --- mataas lang ag self-preservation ko...

ayoko kasing masaktan...

pero gusto kong at the very least ay masabi ko sa kaniya 'yong nararamdaman ko, at least hindi na naman isang nakabiting love story sa ere ang drama ko...

kaya nga nag-resign ako... para kung sakaling malaman niya at magalit...wala na k sa company...hehehe...

pero ma-mi-miss ko siya...he's one of the very few people na sobrang nagbibigay sakin ng reason para gumising sa gabi at pumasok sa office at mag- "Thank you for calling..."

siguro ganito talaga ang drama ng buhay ko...

"I am not looking for someone to love...I believe that life still offers me a lot to live on... but before i sleep at night (or day) i would still think of one thing --- i wish i coudl fnd somene whom i could say "goodnight" to with a kiss... but i'm still too afraid to risk, to fall and take off my shield... but when i finally did, i had to ru away"

sad, noh????

la lang

2006-01-07T15:48:00.000-08:00

ROMANCE MATHEMATICSSmart man + smart woman = romanceSmart man + dumb woman = affairDumb man + smart woman = marriageDumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy OFFICE ARITHMETICSmart boss + smart employee = profitSmart boss + dumb employee = productionDumb boss + smart employee = promotionDumb boss + dumb employee = overtime SHOPPING MATHA man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need. GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICSA woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.A successful woman is one who can find such a man. HAPPINESSTo be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try tounderstand her at all. LONGEVITYMarried men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die. PROPENSITY TO CHANGEA woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does. DISCUSSION TECHNIQUEA woman has the last word in any argument.Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIEDOld aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Welcome......

2005-11-20T00:59:00.000-08:00

Thoughts...Quotes...Life...Love

Life is indeed full of mysteries...and miseries...there are moments we feel so
low that we wanna break down and cry...there are times you win, but oftentimes, you lose...many stories end well, many brought up tears and fears...
sometimes you're on top, sometimes you feel so beaten, battered and broken...
it's okay...that's life, it may be unfair, but that's life...we can never revoke life's
policies and law, but we can always change...and we always have a choice of winning
or losing, base on how we accept the fact that there are things we cannot change
not just because it's beyond our control but they are just bound to happen
to reveal God's purpose or to teach us essential lessons...
one of which is realizing we could always change our attitude towards things, and life...

QUOTE :
"Don't be afraid to fall flat on your face once in a while. Never be afraid of failure,
for when you go through a breakdown, it's really the start of a breakthrough.
- Charo Santos-Concio"
Indeed

ON LOVE :
"Don't be afraid to fall in love, to hurt or your heart to break...
just as a wound would heal,.your heart would learn to fall in love again.
Remember that it's not everyday that you'd likely to fall for someone,
just enjoy the feeling while it lasts because you'll never know if you
would love that way again...ever! - Janis"

QUOTED FROM A FRIEND :
"Never argue with an IDIOT. They'll bring you down to their level and beat
you with experience. Ang buhay, paganda nang paganda! - Malen"

Enjoy reading !!!!!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Basketbol at Pag-ibig at si Figaro

2005-10-18T03:34:00.000-07:00

May similarities ba sila?

Meron! Malaki!

Akala ko, everything will be okay now that i've learned to love again. Akala ko siya na! I was hoping against hope that he will be the one to heal my broken heart and that I would start trusting again. Sabi n nga ba...sa love it's not the fall that hurts, it's the sudden stop! Nung tipong sublime na ung feeling, biglang pe-preno! Ouch!

Para sau Figaro,

You seem to have little ways to conform that the feeling is mutual...well I thought, IT WAS MUTUAL! Why do you have to be always gorgeous everytime I see you? Bakit kelangang maging sweet ka minsan? Pareho pa tayo ng type of music... Why do you have to smile...smile wonderfully? A wondrous smile that would send me to high heavens and cause me to quiver and melt! Pamatay! Bakit kelangang iparamdam mo na meron ka ding feelings? Bakit? "yong mga actuations mo, ung mga titig mo, ung mga panunukso ng mga kabarkada mo...When I often catch you staring at me and all! Nakakainis ka! Why do you have to be so cool and sweet? Sana wala na lang akong narinig na good things about you, sana hindi ka na lang overly na-build up sakin...Sana hindi n lang sinabi nung isang friend ko na "Bagay kayo. Nai-imagine ko nga kayong mag-boyfriend!". Sana hindi ako nasasaktan nang ganito.

No, sana hindi na lang ako nakinig! Sana hindi ako nakiramdam.
Nag-expect kasi ako. Alam mo un, naghanap...akala ko if you love someone, that person will love you back pag minahal mo nang sobra! I always tell myself that I'd love you 'til you have nowhere to go but love me back. Pero, wala palang effect. Ang hirap talaga maging FEELING! Feeling mo maganda ka! Feeling mo like ka niya! Feeling mo pede na maging kau! Haay!!!

It's a good thing merong FRIENDSTER...it made me realize that I should stop this non-sense feeling kasi wala namang patutunguhan. You made it clear sa friendster that you want her back. You boldly say it as if isinisigaw mo un sa buong mundo! Eh bakit nga ba hindi, she's so pretty and ung mga tipong iti-treasure, iche-cherish no talga! U'r still wanting your ex back... Masakit... Sana hindi na lang kita hinanap sa friendster para okay na! Lam mo un...bulag sa katotohanan, ika nga "What you don't know won't hurt you!" Kaya ngayon I've no choice but to forget everything and move on! Hay pano nga ba ako magmo-move on?

Lagi na lang ganito...lagi akong...

Sawi,
Dyanis

P.S. Hindi Ako Iiyak!!!

Paano nga ba nilalaro ang basketbol? Di ba pag hindi na-shoot ng kalabang team, you have to rebound and get the ball...Box out is the key!Kelangang i-eliminate mo from the board perimeter ung mga gustong kumuha ng bola...including ung nag-attempt at nag-miss ng shot (parang si Figaro)...Parang sa story namin (hehehe...as if meron kaming "STORY"?!)! Si Figaro kasi wanting his ex back, the question is, magba-box out ba ako? So ano na kung makuha ko ung bola? Itatakbo ko ba sa kabilang ring? Iso-shoot ko ba? Ipa-pasa ko? Pano kung ginawa ko na nga lahat at nakuha ko pansamantala ung bola and as I am dribbling back to my side of the court, naagaw uli ung bola (ni Ms. Ex-gf)...wala akong laban kasi magkakampi sila db? Wala akong kalaban-laban kasi mahal niya pa si Ex at ako SEALANT (panakip-butas). Lam mo un hindi pa ako tumitira, TAPAL na! Parang sa game namin, ako ung underdog, sila ung crowd favorite (mala-Ginebra ung drama!!!).

Isa-isahin natin ung scenarios...

A. Sige, granted na ako ung nakakuha ng bola? The most logical thing to do is to run to the opposite court and make a shot (I deserve to be happy den naman di bah?!), Maging masaya kaya naman ako knowing that he's just around the corner waiting for Ms Ex-gf to come back... Pero, I have to fight for my feelings den naman, kelangang ipaglaban! Pero what if that'd be my last shot? Pabalat bunga and would never have the chance to get the ball again and make a score? Pinatikim lang para mabitin? Talo pa den! Pero sabi nga ng mga friends ko kung pinaglaban ko tong feelings ko at kahit pano nag-reciprocate ka "At least naging masaya ako kahit na pa'no...". Eh, pa'no n lang kung hindi ko pala kayang i-shoot? Or kung I-shoot at mag-miss ako? Malas talga! Banban!

B. E pano kung si Ms Ex-gf ung nakakuha ng ball - must the game still go on? Should I recede na and give up the fight? What if instead na simpleng 3 points lang ang gawin e nag-dunk sha from the 3-pt area (cge na...kunwari possible un...), tambak ako di bah!? Lalo lang akong magiging kawawa...Or pede deng kung c Ms Ex-gfg ung nakakuha nung ball, I could intercept her and attempt to grab the ball from her, right tapos itatakbo ko sa kabilang ring para maka-shoot? I could even commit a foul di bah...pero magpe-penalty ako...magpe-freethrows siya...what if maipasok niya pareho? Dehado talga ako! What if pinasa niya kay Figaro ung bola, ano kayang magiging decision ni Figaro? Kakayanin ko kaya?

C. Sa aming tatlong naghahabol ng bola, pano kung kay Figaro nga napunta ung bola, ano kayang gagawin niya? Isu-shoot niya kaya ung bola or mag-ko-commit siya ng travelling para mapunta sakin ung bola at maka-score? Paano kung i-shoot niya sa ring nila? E di talo naman ako? Ipa-foul ko ba siya to remind na may isang taong nagmamahal sa kanya around the corner? Pipilitin ko bang agawin ung bola para bantayan niya ako at habulin? Paano kung ipasa niya kay Ms Ex-gf at dahil sa teamwork nila, manalo sila???

Nakakaloka talga ang LOVE, no wonder may mga taong handang mamatay at pumatay para dito... At ako malapit na...malapit nang maloka...Pero now I've decided na wag na lang makiagaw sa bola...kung cno makakuha ng bola, bahala sila sa buhay nila... Hehehehehe... Kung sa isang punto ng laro, maisip ako ni Figaro at i-give ung game para sa kin...MASAYA! ANG GANDA GANDA KO!!! Pero kung makuha ni Ms Ex-gf ung bola at magkaro'n sila ng teamwork, then BE IT...siguro nga THEY'RE REALLY MEANT FOR EACH OTHER and I have to be happy for him, at least. Come to think o it, bagay nga sila! Then I move on. Pero eto lang ang sigurado --- I won't be anyone's doormat...magmamahal ako, oo, but that doesn't mean na kelangan kong magpakabulag alang-alang sa pag-ibig! Motto ko sa buhay --- The only person who has the very right to hurt you and enslave you is YOURSELF! Guiding principle in love --- If he can't be mine, that's FINE! I won't be his, too!

Strong Enough

2005-09-12T04:06:00.000-07:00

If you'll see me as most gorgeos when I am at my worst..
If you'd be wiling to make me laugh even if you spot me at my worst mood...
If you're willing to approach me even if I seem to be driving eveyone away...
If all else fails and you still want to try anew with me, still see through me and love me...
then you are most welcome...
Maybe I need you.
Maybe I need you now.
No,I need you now more than ever...
Come into my life.
I'm so tired of pretending I am happy...strong...
I need someone who'd make me feel I am a being, alive,breathing and living...
Please...be that MAN!

2005-08-09T04:19:00.000-07:00

This one goes out to all the girls who are in control and take charge of their lives! Cheers for all of us!!! Wala lang tinopak lang ako kaya ko ito isinulat! Read on n lang!

***

Life is too short, I realized just now the wisdom of that cliche. Dahilnakakpagod pala ang maghintay. Nakakasawa. Longing is indeed the most tiring thing in the world. But if I've learned a lesson or two about it, that is TO NEVER WAIT, BUT GO AFTER WHAT I WANT, time won't stop and wait for me.

I'm used to waiting for love to come around. Little did I know that whileI'm waiting for love and ignoring other men who kept knocking at my heart's door, I was hurting myself so bad. Depriving myself of being happy and being loved.

I'm tired of falling for men who didn't love me and didn't or couldn't fight for me. Men who couldn't admit and fight for their feelings for me, that instead of fighting and pursuing me settled with other women they had the least challenge of winning.

Ayoko na sa mga lalaking duwag! Sawa na akong maghintay sa mga lalakinghindi marunong or kayang ipaglaban ang nararamdaman nila! Mga lalaking ayaw sumugal dahil ayaw matalo! Mga lalaking mas malaki ang ego kesa pag-ibig!

I'm so sick of men who could confess their feelings for me in front of their friends. In front of other people. But not strong enough to admit itstraight to my face. Not strong and brave enough to win me over. Ngi hindi sumubok man lang. Kahit mag-effort lang! Am I not worth fighting for? Am I not worth the wait? Aren't they the ones who don't deserve anything from me? Any emotions from me at all. Not even hate. Much more, pain. But now, no more of that.

Now that I am in love again, I will take charge of my destiny. This time, I'll take the upper hand and not depend my happiness to others. I'll try hard to make him notice me. Then love me. I'm gonna make him notice and love me and if that day comes, I won't make it hard for him. Then I'd be very happy.

Then maybe these MEN would realize their LOSS FOR GIVING UP WITHOUT A FIGHT! It's all for their eyes to see that I could love him the way that I loved them (probably more) but realized that no one could ever loved them the way that I did. Serves them right for NOT BEING A MAN DESERVING OF A WOMAN'S LOVE! NOT DESERVING OF MY LOVE!!!

Para sa lahat ng mga lalaking duwag, magtago kayo sa cocoon ninyo ngkaruwagan at self-preservation! Darating ang araw na iiyak din kayo!Magigising n lang kayo isang araw n wala na sa inyo ang lahat! Because you passed on a lot of moments! On a lot of chance! Para sa inyo to!:

"I wish one day you'd miss me me that no matter how hard you search for me, you won't find me. I wish one day you'd remember my face that no matter you wish to forget, it'd keep haunting you. I wish one day you'd love me, that no matter how hard you ignore it, you would always feel the pain. Then you'd be hurt, then you'd cry, then you'd long to be with me only to realize I was gone and could love you no more!"

I am MEAN and I mean it!!! (sometimes...)

2005-07-05T01:10:00.000-07:00

Excitement was rushing thru my veins as I was trying to reach NBI' s office before buzzing 5:00PM...i need to be there...you see, I have to pass this NBI clearance to my new employer (excited talga ko...at long last I'd be a LEGITIMATE PROGRAMMER!!! Hurray!!!) Sino may sabi professional basketball players lang ang marunong ng buzzer beating stunts, ako den. I felt good at having received my new NBI clearance (a little history : i hate my name because I have constant problems getting my NBI clearance. everytime i get one from a kiosk - MEGAMALL, i always ended up going to NBI' s main office to revalidate my name --- it so happened na may kapangalan akong may kaso!!! Ganon ba kadami ang DE ASIS sa Pilipinas? DUH! as it turned out when i went to NBI for revalidation, i have to go back the next day for my clearance to be released... don't have much of a choice, db? I am considering changing my name to smething very extraordinary like ASTRID JANIS ---- cguro naman wala nang ASTRID JANIS DEASIS, noh! Dahil kugn meron pa, tatalon n lang ako sa Pasig River)

Then i was walking towards the QUIAPO church na and have to cross thru the underpass to go home... maputik pa naman because twas raining and ingat n ingat pa naman akong wag maputikan when from the middle of nowhere may isang office girl n naglalakad, walking as if she's alone in that road, and the road was dry and clean at that at natilamsikan ng putik ang paa ko, with my pair of slip ons hanggang sa jeans ko... i swear that bitch notice that and nagpatay malisya at tumingin pa sa kin!

"The nerve! Deadma pa!! "I waited for her to apologize but it seemed that I was asking for something so impossible so I told her "Miss, mag-ingat ka naman sa paglalakad. Tingnan mo naputikan pa ko. " I was concerned pa naman dahil baka sa sussunod bigla n labng siyang sabunutan ng next victim niya. And again, DEADMA. Hindi pa ako nagtataray niyan. So i told myself "Enough". So the next thing I did was pour out the remaining liquid off my C2 over her paper bag w/c i'd seen full of important papers. "Ano ka ngayon?"

She might have noticed that because she started to panic. I was calmly walking beside her and giving her the notion that I was the culprit. "I told yah to be very careful..." then I paused "Lalo n sakin...Hmp...oh di mag-inarte ka ngayon." Then i started walking as if nothing happened.

So ano k ngayon???

No one messes around with me and gets away with it!!!

I invented cattiness and bitchiness!

Quote and quote

2005-05-31T12:28:00.000-07:00

take me as i am....and this may mean you'll have to be a stronger man
when all else fails...would you be there to love me?
if all else fails...would you be brave to see right through me?
-aiyecka

--------------------------
nice signature, huh!!!! she's my teammate pala here at Convergys

Poetry + chorvah

2005-05-18T23:40:00.000-07:00

Broken Dreams
Tamra L. Noe

I love you more than life itself
But Im afraid to love
My love is like a fragile wings
Of atiny little dove.

I'm scared to get too close
I feel that I can't win
Yo'll love me for a little while
Then you'll set me free again.

I've lived so long in hopes and dreams
I don't know what to do
I don't think I can trust my heart For it belongs to you.

I know you'll only hurt me
Yet, I still keep running back
Between the paths of our hearts
There's worn and beaten track.

You've got my heart held on string
It's breaking it in two
Enough belongs to me --- to hurt
The rest belongs to you.

I know that somewhere in your ehart
There is a place for me
I just don't know how to find it
And there's no way to make you see.

I can only hope that someday
You'll wake up and you'll find
That while my heart belongs to yours
ours, too, belong to mine.

kita kits!!!

2005-05-14T23:54:00.000-07:00

nice to see good old friends, ha....It's been years since I've been with these two friends, miss ko n sila!!!! Sobra!!!

Tnx to Kuya David, he made this date so special (it's his son's bdai and it so happened that we're all invited)!!!

Big time reunion naman sana ung barkada...

Kaso lang wala si zaldy, rhea, jahnays, balbon and shiela....

Sana mas masaya kung kumpleto...

With carol and Nina

Babae at Lalaki...Away tau..hehehe

2005-05-13T01:03:00.000-07:00

ANG MGA BABAE TALAGA OO
by redrope

*grabe. usapang lalake* *sindi ng yosi*
*hithit* *buga* Musta na, pare? Ako, okay lang. Eto. Nagmumuni-muni. Nag-iisip. Minsan talaga may mga bagay na hindi ko maintindihan. Ewan ko ba. *hinga ng malalim* Bakit ba ganun pare, ilang beses ko na pinag-aralan pero lagi na lang lumalabas na parang kahit 'sang anggulo mo tingnan, hindi nagiging patas para sa mga lalake ang ilang bagay pagdating sa pagmamahal. *tingin sa stars* Minsan naiisip ko,

alam kaya ng mga babae ang hirap ng lalake na gumawa ng first move para magtapat ng pagmamahal?

E yung hirap na dinadaanan sa panliligaw at pagsuyo sa mahal nya?

Ang feeling ng masaktan pag nabasted?

Malamang-lamang siguro, hindi ano. Wala naman yata silang alam sa mga paghihirap naten e. Ang alam lang ata nila e mamili, manakit, at magsaya. Tingin mo? *tingin sa malayo* Lagi naman ganun. Una pa lang,

lalake na ang naghihirap.

Hassle saten ang panliligaw pero bago pa yun, kung ano pang diskarte ang gagawin naten para masabi naten sa kanila na mahal natin sila. Alam kaya nila yun?

Mahirap magsabi na mahal mo na yung babae, diba?

Tapos liligawan pa naten. Patutunayan na mahal nga sila. Susuyuin to-the-max.Maghahatid sa bahay, tutulungan, sasabayan, palalamunin, pagtyatyagaan, lahat na. Kulang na lang e pagsilbihan mo nang walang sahod.

At ano ang kapalit?

Well, depende sa trip nila.

Oo tol, sa trip lang nila. Wala silang pake kesehodang mahal natin talaga sila. Basta ang alam nila, pag di nila tayo trip, isang malaking HINDE ang makukuha naten, kahit umiyak pa tayo ng dugo o lumuhod sa mga asing buu-buo. Para lang silang namimili ng damit na di man lang sinusukat bago ayawan.

Kaya kahit mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal natin, sorry tayo.

Hindi nila alam kung mahal mo sila. Kailangan mong maabot ang kanilang mga standards o uuwi ka lang na bad trip, iiling-iling, at minsan, luhaan. Wala tayong magagawa, marami silang alibi.
"Hindi pa 'ko ready eh..",
"Sorry pero I think we should just be friends..",
"Ha? Uhhmm..nagpapatawa ka ba? Hahahaha.."

"Better luck next time na lang muna, okay lang?",

"Give me a decade. Pag-iisipan ko muna..",

"Para lang kitang kapatid e..",

yaddah yaddah. Isang malaking pagsasaklob ng langit at lupa 'yon para saten. *kuha ng bote ng beer*

*lagok* *lunok* At hindi lang 'yon tol. Sa pre-relationship stage pa lang yon. Pag sinagot na nila tayo, satin pa rin ang hassle.

Tayo daw ang mga lalake kaya tayo ang hahawak ng relasyon. Tayo ang aayos kung may gulo; tayo ang dapat magpapakabait; tayo ang magtatyaga; tayo ang magiging devoted at faithful; tayo, tayo tayo.
Sila? Ummm? Teka, isipin ko. Ayun.

Sila ang magsasabi kung anong oras kayo dapat magmeet; sila ang magtetext ng mga mushy at kabalbalang texts; sila ang magdedemand sayo ng kung anu-ano; sila ang magbabawal; sila ang magsasabi kung kelan ka dapat mag-shave, kung kelan ka pwedeng tumawag sa bahay nila, kung kelan sila di dapat bad tripin dahil meron sila, at kung kelan ka korni.

Ewan. Ganun ata talaga. *kuha ng bote ng beer* *lagok* *lunok* Hindi pa yun tapos pare, dahil dapat tayo angbahala kung ano ang magiging takbo ng relasyon. Pag maganda, edi okay. Pag may problema, kasalanan naten. Haay buhay. Minsan talaga kung tutuusin sakit sila ng ulo. Kaya lang mahal naten kaya di na natin iniintindi yun. *hinga ng malalim* Pero alam mo tol,

feeling ko mas sincere pa tayo magmahal sa kanila. Alam mo yun, iba tayo magmahal e. Hindi lang parang laru-laro lang. Seryoso. At kung magmahal man tayo, lubus-lubusan. Mas mature. Hindi yung parang pambata lang gaya nila na kesyo magseselos-selos, iiyak-iyak, iina-inarte, dadradrama, at kung anu-ano pa. Hindi lang kababawan. Ka-mushyhan. Kababaihan. Iba tayo pag nagmahal.
*hinga ng malalim* *tingin sa malayo ulit* At ito pa ang pinakamasaklap. *singhot* Ang ending ng relasyon. Sa mga panahong 'to, either

sawa na sila,
hindi na tayo trip,
may nahanap na silang better saten,
o kaya they need f*cking space and time muna.

Bad trip no? Wala na naman tayong choice. Sila ang masusunod. At ano pa ang kasamang hassle don?Syempre wasak na ang imahe naten. Tayo ang lalabas na may kasalanan.Na playboy.
Na nagpapaiyak. *iiling* Tayo siyempre ang mga

antagonist at sila yung mga bidang inaapi at parang mga pusang iiyak-iyak.

Ang ending: mag-ooffer sila ng "friendship" kuno matapos tayong pagsawaan, lahat ng gifts naten nasa kanila, sawi tayo sa pag-ibig, "player" na ang image naten, at higit sa lahat, mag-iisip kung papaano ipagpapatuloy ang buhay. Maiiwan tayong tulala, mag-iisip kung saan nagkamali, mamomroblema sa pag-aadjust sa pagiging single, at di na naman makakatulog. Haay buhay. Ang hirap maging lalake. Lagi ka na lang naiiwan sa ere. Ano? Hindi ka na nagsalita? In-love ka no? Ako, kamusta? Eto.Yoyosi-yosi. Bubuntong-buntong hininga. Titingin-tingin sa bituin. Mumuni-muni. Lalagok-lagok ng alak.
Ang mga babae talaga, oo.

--------------

Sabi naman ni Aiyecka :

ang masasabi ko....:

nakakatuwa naman ito, tama pero sabi nga there's always two sides to every story....unfair naman kung sasabihin natin na lahat ng hirap ay sa lalake lang. siguro pag seryoso ang lalake masasabi nating totoo ang lahat ng andito. pero for the record, minsan kahit seryoso sila eh sablay din sila sa ilang bagay. oo nga mahirap ngang manligaw, pero alam ba ng boys ang hirap ng me nararamdaman ka pero di mo pedeng ipakita kasi babae ka? buti nga sila lalaki sila eh, anytime pde nilang sabihin sa girls ang nararamdaman nila. eh ang gurls? nakakapagod din naman mag-effort na magpa-cute noh, magmake-up, mag stomach-in-chest-out, magsuklay kada minuto at maglagay ng makating make-up! at lahat ng yan makapagpapansin lang sa lalaking gusto mo...na swerte mo na kung tignan ka ng type mo. sabi nila mahirap daw manligaw, eh kung tutuusin mani-mani lang sa 'ting mga babae yun kung papayagan lang ng lipunan na manligaw ang gurls! oo nga uso na yun ngayon pero TO pa rin sa boys pag ganun. eh mahirap din para sa ming mga babae ang mag-antay sa mga torpeng lalake na magtapat noh, gumawa ng first move at manuyo...nakakainip, nakakairita!!! sabi nila masakit daw ang ma-busted...ano namang kala nyo sa ming mga babae? sadista, walang puso!!! mahirap din para sa min na sabihing ayaw namin sa isang tao, di naman namin hobby ang manakit noh!!! at isa pa halimbawang me guy na nararamdaman na namin na me gusto sa min pero di namin type, mahirap ding sabihin maaga pa lang, e pano kung sabihin nilang "friendship lang naman habol ko ah" eh di tablado pa kami!!! at minsan di naman namin ginusto na ligawan kami ha, me mga lalaki din naman na hinindian mo na eh nangungulit pa rin, tapos kami sisihin nyo pag nasayang effort nyo eh una pa lang alam nyo nang wala talaga!!! hindi naman kami puro damit at shopping eh, marunong din kaming masaktan, umiyak, tumawa, MAGMAHAL!!!! indi naman kami mahilig mang-trip eh, gaya nga ng lagi kong sinasabi, expressive ako, siguro it goes to most girls as well, expressive kami masyado, kaya akala ng mga lalaki lagi kami ngttrip....indi totoong wala kaming pake, ang totoo nyan, lahat ng ginagawa nyong mga guys para sa 'ming mga girls, ulti mo yung mga katiting na minsan nga eh corny na ang dating ay napapansin namin at nana-appreciate!!! at it's not always negative pag sinabihan namin kayong corny...it's one way of saying na "hay naku, ang cute mo talaga..."!!!! oo, pramis, you guys just have to read betqeen the lines... madami pa sana akong comment pero masyado nang mahaba 'to at tinatamad na kong mag-type! masyado bang feminista ang dating? indi noh! gusto ko din lang ipaunawa sa lahat ng guys na pareho lang ang hirap ng dinadanas ng boys at girls sa isang relationship....iba lang ang way ng pagdadala. pero kung tutuusin pareho lang tayo ng hirap na pinagdadaanan...parepareho lang tayong nagmamahal at nasasaktan... point is, although mahirap nating intindihin ang isa't isa, sometimes we just have to look deep inside our hearts....kahit magkakaiba tayo, ito ang kaisa-isang bagay na naguugnay sa isang lalake at babae...ang pagmamahal na nararamdaman nila sa isa't isa...kaya nga mag-away man kayo, mag-fall short man ang partner mo sa expectations mo, ma-disappoint ka man ng maraming beses...icpin mo na ang taong yan ay mahal mo, minahal mo at kung pede nga lang ay mamahalin mo hangga't uso pa ang pagmamahal! mahirap maging magkaiba sa lahat ng bagay, mahirap ang di kau magkaintindihan...sa tingin ko nga inding indi magkakaintindihan ang boys at girls...pero kaya nga nauso yung linyang "let's meet halfway" eh...kasi on each other's half, andun yung tinatawag na love...

Buzz...buzz...

2005-05-13T00:49:00.000-07:00

La lang.....just to keep my blog alive!!!

SBCIS, CONEVRGYS SUMMER OUTING
MAY 7-8, 2005.
CLUB MANILA EAST, TAYTAY, RIZAL

Wanna share ung experience namin sa Club Manila East in Taytay last May 7-8...The place is nice with three big pools (one kiddie and 2 dault pools - one of which has a basketball ring while the other has a slide..plus the kayak pool...)

Rose and I arrived at 4pm. we met with anya and khat. then we decided to swim na.

Then may isang problem, where would we be sleeping? (we belonged to diff teams prior to the outing when AnoNiMhy was dispersed..see my previous posts kung magulo!!!) It' s a gud thing kasama namin si Denz, Dennis and Nel...they offered their villa (airconditioned rooms with bath tub and two bedrooms plus a ref, phone, closet and a sofa bed in CME) so we decided we'd join them.

Around 5pm,we had pm snack sa social hall . afterwards, we decided to swim back. then denzil rented the basketball and we played... nakakaloka at nakakapagod un...imagine jameh and and ogie joined us together with Cath and wilbur and hell...walang kiber ang mga lalaking ito kahit nasasaktan at magkalunod-lunod kami!!! But it's really an experience! And we can;t help but really laugh our lungs out dahil sa SAYA!!! TApos nag-videoke pa kami sa loob ng villa (Ian joined us later and TL Jorellie - tnxtnx again 4 accomodating us) kc Ian brought a MAGIC sing... hindi na kami kelangang pumila sa videoke bar para mag-vidoeke..

AS usual lasing si ANYA...pero kudos ROSE - hindi talga uminom!!!
Hindi ko alam kung pano kami nagkasya - we're 9 pipz dun sa loob ng villa...

But it was really a lot of fun...At ang pinakamasaya sa lahat - Nag-kayak ako, amidst my great aversion to waters..Kiber and mga phobia...hindi ko kelangang isiping hydrophobic ako para hindi mag-kayak! It was really fun..sana maulit...

Mushy..

2005-04-20T18:28:00.000-07:00

"There are some people who meet that somebody that they can never stop loving, no matter how hard they try. I wouldn't expect you to understand that, or even believe it, but trust me, there are some love that don't go away. And maybe that makes them crazy, but we should all be lucky to end up with that somebody who has a little of that insanity. Somebody who never lets go. Somebody who cherishes you forever." - Ally McBeal

----------------------------------------------------------------------

If you hear me talking about him all the time
Its not because he pleases me
Its because you're too deaf to hear my heartbeat

If you feel me falling with someone new
Its not because I love him
Its because you're not there to catch me if I fall

If you feel lost,
I too am nowhere
I too don't know where the road is going
Are we gonna cross each other's path
Or just completely turn around?
Will we just let go of what we had
Or go to the place where love is bound

Don't let me walk with him
Its you I want to walk with
Don't let me talk of him
Its you I want to talk with
Don't let me fall for him
Its you I want to fall in love with.

=============================

When you thought I wasn't brave enough to walk beside you
I was behind you every step of the way
Still filled with awe because of the beauty that stands before me
When you thought I was too deaf to hear your heartbeat
I didn't want to assume anything
And I was afraid to lose our friendship

When you thought I wasn't there to catch you
It was because you never gave me the chance
You never reached the bottom, you've already grabbed a branch

If you feel like you are nowhere, I too am lost
I too don't know where the road is going
Are we just going to turn around,
Or are we gonna cross each other's path?
Will we just let go of what we had
Or go to the place where love is bound?

Don't let me walk alone
I want to walk by your side
Don't let me talk of something else
Its you I want to talk with
Don't let me fall for someone else
Its you I want to fall in love with.

*********************
sounds, reads or looks familiar? Got it from my e-mail....

Random Thoughts on Love...on Life

2005-04-18T02:26:00.000-07:00

************
I received this one from my friends...yup...it had been circulating the net since we've celebreated the Friendship week -- kudos to those who invented that FRIENDSHIP WEEK...! ;) --, from yahoo groups to chain emails and all...but can't help but be touched with the thought of actually hearing this (in real life) from your bf or friend...
Ang saya, di bah?
************

A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty, he said...no.
She asked him if he would want to be with her forever....and he said no.
She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry,....and once again he replied with a no.

She had heard enough.
As she walked away, tears streaming down her face
The boy grabbed her arm and said....

You're not pretty you're beautiful.
I don't want to be with you forever. I NEED to be with you forever.
And I wouldn't cry if you walked away...I'd die.

Happy...

2005-04-13T18:22:00.000-07:00

What makes me happy :

-johnny depp
-river phoenix
-boys (ex-crushes JM, VO and EN, and my new crush in Convergys - dunno
his name, yet)
-my cd collections
-blogs
-mongo bread and doughnuts
-composer of PLumb's Real
-Fleetwood MAC's Landslide
-my k700i phone,MP3's saved in it
-email messages
-Gin Blossoms
-text messages
-friends (old and new)
-my brother's college education (I finance that...I am a SUGAR ATE)
-15th and 30th of the month (paydays, then a day after, I'm the poorest
of all)
-my bed (w/c I bought)
-my work (at least I have a decent and good-paying job...i didn't say
"high-paying")
-our soon to be finished house "HOME SWEET HOME" (this is one
ACHIEVEMENT I take the greatest pride - I was the one who finance that from the lot acquisition up to it's construction and registration)
-family (SUGAR DAUGHTER naman ang drama ko sa kanila...)
-A Walk to Remember (the movie, the novel, the soundtrack - I have them
all!)
-my nephew Julius and my niece Jeaneth (with whom I am a SUGAR TITA)
-my tv (w/c I bought as well)
-my teammates (Anonimhy)
-my credit cards (I love them for as long as I haven't seen the bill)
-my betty boop notebooks
-internet
-the air I breathe
-music
-stars,moon, sun
-Irene, Khat, Chele, Aimz, Doh, Ruthie, Malen, Jahnays, Shiela, Pring, Carolyn, Rhea, Zaldy ,Noemi, and many more....
-singlehood (meaning I don't have to put up with someone, no nagging
bf)
-problems and how you drag yourself to resolve them (they made me who I
am, they made me a better person...)
-the people who became and are part of my life and the excitement of
knowing and meeting more...and definitely learn something from them
-GOD and His being in control of everything
-my life (my ever changing, challenging, colorful and happy but
complicated life) and the fact that;
-I AM STILL ALIVE!!!

**Whatever makes you happy,just b happy...Hehehe...Let no one take that
away from you... I'd start writing 5 things that make me happy each day - be those persons, things, happenings, places or events....

Honestly I dunno if I am happy now or if I am, why, I just feel good
(w/c isn't normal bec this happened a long time ago..Dunnno when was the
last time I had this feeling...)I just wake up happy and think that
it's gonna be a great day...INDEED! I think one of the reasons is bec
tomorrow's gonna be my off and the next day as well...

-----------
SONG OF THE DAY

***one of mah most fave songs...dis one's fr EXPOSE -
AS LONG AS I CAN DREAM

When this world that I see
Is too hard to take and too much for me
And everything's in blue
When the rain's pourin' down
I can't find the sun
Don't mean the sun can't found
It always comes through

There's not a soul that's lost
That can't find its way
There's not a night that's long
That can't find the day

As long as I can dream
There's a better world
Oh, there's a better world
I see it shinin'
And in my dreams I see
There's a better world
Oh, there's a better world
As long as I can dream

In my heart there's a place
Where there's always hope
And always a way
To make it through the night
And in my soul, I believe
If I just have faith
Then I will be free
I'll be alright

There's not a soul that's lost [not a soul]
That can't find its way
There's not a night that's long
That can't find the day

As long as I can dream
There's a better world
Oh, there's a better world
I see it shinin'
And in my dreams I see
There's a better world
Oh, there's a better world
As long as I can dream

Na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na
Oh

There's not a soul that's lost
That can't find its way
There's not a night that's long

As long as I can dream
There's a better world
I see it shinin' on me
In my dreams I see. yeah
There's a better world
As long as I can dream
I can see it
There's a better world
Yes, it's shinin' on me
In my dreams I see
There's a better world
Mmmmm
Just as long as I can dream

The Facade

2005-04-12T00:17:00.000-07:00

I know that when you look at me
There's so much that you just don't see
But if you would only take the time
I know in my heart you'd find

That oh, a girl is scared sometimes
Who isn't always strong
Can't you see the hurt in me
I feel so all alone

I wanna run to you
I wanna run to you
Won't you hold me in your arms
And keep me safe from harm
I wanna run to you
But if I've come to you
Tell me will you stay or will you run away?

Each day, each day I play the role
Of someone always in control
But at night
I come home and turn the key
There's nobody there
No one cares for me, ohh

What's the sense of trying hard to find your dreams
Without someone to share it with
Tell me what does it mean?

I need you here
I need you here to wipe away my tears
To kiss away my fears
If you only knew how much I wanna run to you....

***********************
When I face the mirror, I see tears streamin' down my face everytime I sing this song with Whitney Houston...I wonder why.....?

Malen on Positivity

2005-04-11T23:47:00.000-07:00

I wish I could be like Malen...have her mind, her sense of understanding and her heart... Wish I could share same thoughts as she had in her blog....

"LINK2SUPPORT Inc.

Getting wealthy working in a company is a pretty, well, unimaginative reason to love it, because nobody gets rich being a slave to someone else. This is true for most of us. I, for example, having worked non stop in this company for almost 3 years, have gained (approximately) P500,000 in my account--- minus taxes, credit card, loans, allowances, tuitions, food, gimiks and other miscellaneous --- which makes me P100 worth at this moment.

So, why am i keeping this job?

For me, my greatest emotional connection with the company i work with stems from a lifelong love of FUN and LEARNING (verum est?) at the same time. This job wont get me rich, for sure, but I am still keeping it. What I have learned and experienced from this job will not amount to anything. I've met the best and the worst souls in this world. Life is too short. It's not worth it. In this world, we don't have to love everything that we do, but we need to find happiness and meaning in most of them, esp. in our professional work. Life is not just about how much you're earning. You can have piles of money, but if you're not living the life you want to live, you won't be able to buy enough things to make up for it.my heart cries out for this one...

"Hand In My Pocket"
I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five

I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm restless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette -- except this one

And what it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign

I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm hard but I'm friendly baby
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chicken****
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby

And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano
And what it all comes down to my friends
Is that everything's just fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxi cab

whispered by malen @ 4:08 AM on "
her Mrach 29, 2005 entry....

I am....

2005-04-11T17:53:00.000-07:00

BLUE.....

I am compassionate. I am always encouraging and supporting. I am a peacemaker, sensitive to the needs of others. I am a natural romantic.

I like to do things that require caring, counseling, nurturing, and harmonizing. I have a strong desire to contribute and to help others lead more significant lives. I am poetic and often enjoy the arts.

I value integrity and unity in relationships. I am enthusiastic, idealistic, communicative, and sympathetic. I express my feelings easily.

Your heart-felt communication style creates peace and harmony in the workplace. You know how to bring out the best in others. As a Blue personality you are gifted with tremendous people skills. You're a heart felt communicator who has a strong need to make a difference in the lives of other people. This strength is immediately noticeable in the way you make connections and bring out the best in those you encounter. People usually feel relaxed and comfortable in your presence.

You love to build self-esteem and make others feel good about who they are. You can easily motivate and inspire people to make changes in their lives and reach their potential. This natural talent makes you excel a counselor, teacher, social worker and journalist

---------------------

from http://www.truecolorscareer.com/

I'm fed up!!!!!

2005-04-10T02:17:00.000-07:00

CVG had gradually turned into hell this past few months....get that? I hate this company, their sanity-freaking policies (not to mention unattainable) and it won't take 3 mos and I'm outta this hellish company!!! (Just give me time, ok...mhirap ata humanap ng work ngayon at mahirap ang buhay, noh!) Honestly. Ive never expcted myself to last long in this industry, if not for the good compensation and friends...yeah friends...

And now that I am in a new team, i don't think i'll be able to survive but I have...anyways, the team is actually going to Galera on the 18-2oth of this month...Gudlak!!! I think I ought to give them a chance...maybe I could find new set of friends there...

It's this time of life when you miss good old days...

You start missing the times spent with friends...

You start missing the things you used to do...

I wish I could stay as a child forever, skinned knees are easier to heal than broken hearts and aching souls...you only worry about whom you'd be playing with...now how you'd play in life...you cry and the people around you gave what you'd asked... now you'd cry because you weren't given the things you thought you ought to have...and wish you could give more to people you'd love...

Haaayyyyyyyy..why can't I stay young forever?

Sigh...sigh...sigh...

Anonimhy pipz...ur such darlings to me...I really can't help but compare you to my present team but strangely, I am enjoying my new team...they're bunch of good people...they really welcome me and make me comfortable...

Miss you aimz, ruth, malen and pring and the rest of the L2S_MOC, hope I cud join u in the next climb...

Chele, sorry wasn't able to meet you when we were supposed to meet...that was my fault...and I miss you!!! I read ur comment about my EXPERIMENTATION - that was great! Napapangiti den ako...hehehehe...That was one of my life's most embarassing moment, but twas exciting!!!

i know i've been such an ass to u jahnays, but sorry...hope u understand that i have my own life to attend to...I wish there would be times I could say "NO" to your invitations because I need to...I need to be selfish at times...need to focus on myself at times...need to think of myself and not just jump off my bed when you text me and hop in to Megamall if you want me to even if I have important things to do or deal...I'm just being fair, ain't I? But I want you to know that I miss you....

I miss shiela, rhea, carol and zaldy...and all my college friends...hope we could have a reunion!

I miss everything...I miss life, happiness, childhood...I miss my college days...

I need peace of mind...

I need a break...(in a far far far land of Puerto galera...I'd be joining my team there on the 18th-20th...)

Life's really pissing me off BIGTIME!

basta, nakakainis ang life...it has been so hard lately!!!

So hard!!!

I wish there's a thing called "TIME OUT" in life, I really wish there was... and as Mayonnaise said on their song "Jopay" aalis tayo sa tunay na mundo....

***********************
Kantahan ko na lang nga ung sarili ko:

lift yer head
baby don't be scared
of the things that could go wrong
along the way
you'll get by with a smile
u can't win at everything but u can try

and baby u don't have to worry
coz there ain't no need to hurry
no one ever said that there's no easy way
and when they're closing all their doors
and they don't want u anymore
this sounds funny but i'll say it anyway

girl i'll staythrough the bad times
even if i have to fetch u everyday
i'll get by if u smile
u can never be too happy in this life

coz in a world where everybody hates
a happy ending story
it's a wonder love can make the world go round
but don't let it bring u down
and turn ur face into a frown
u'll get along with a little prayer and a song

lift yer head
baby don't be scared
of the things that could go wrong along the way
we'll get by with a smile
now it's time to kiss away
those tears goodbye

Can't get enough of my team...

2005-03-30T02:04:00.000-08:00

Can't get enough of my team? yeah...i guess so...

You can't blame me, can you? I've been with this team for 14mos...and you gotta give it to them - they help me love myself more by loving other people, that to concern yourself about other people's welfare is really something...they make me realize that I definitely can smile despite the problems and unexpected happenings in life, they listen to all my rants and frustrations in life, they understand what i'm going thru (esp when I'm PMSing and haven't completed my 3-hours-a-day sleep), they walk llife with me and enjoy every single moment of it, they make life easier...most of all they've accepted and welcomed me (without questions) and loved and embraced me as I am (from head to toe)...Next to my family, they're my most treasured people from this time being...

We've been tru a lot...sabi nga ni Jameh --- iba daw ung team namin... TALAGA! We are unique, yes, we are in the sense that we really watch out for each other and mind you - we're willing to sacrifice a lot for the team..We go for what makes most of us happy...We enjoyed scrutinizing each other, make fun of a person in our circle just to get a good laugh...We never ran out of stories bec we all live colorful lives... Really we've been a lot...

Magkakasama kami sa lahat ng bahay - mula sa mababaw hanggang sa malalim..We could be very vicious and naughty but we SIMPLY LOVE EACH OTHER!!! I remembered we even cried during our last night together...Each and evryone of us nag-rant nun last friday (mar25), may umiiyak, may humahagulgol(si anya ba un?) because we'd no longer be a team ('though we might be seeing each other but then iba pa den kung magkakasama kau).. I would really miss team --- wala na kaming breakfast sa macau at something fishy sa eastwood after shift or maagang inuman sa whistlestop (or cafe agogo along emerald ave sa ortigas)sa shang, tapos magkakape sa starbucks...mami-miss ko ung intayan ng breaks bago bumaba ng building, lahat...lalo na ung kwentuhan at tawanan sa floor kahit may calls...

Mami-miss ku ung labasan ng sama ng loob sa mundo...takipan pag may atrsao ung isa pero mind you, ha, na-sermunan muna yun bago pagtakpan...mami-miss ku ung tawa ni rose (lalo n pag lasing); ung pathetic na issue ni anya sa coupledom; ung pagpunta namin ni khat sa ibank twing payday (kasi sira ung atm niya); ung pagsakay namin nina chris at giget ng bus bound to taytay; ung pandadaot ni she at ni ernest, sama no n den si lui; ung mga hirit ni mami militz sa qcomm; ung mga pagkain ni mami cielo; ung mga green jokes ni racky sa qcomm; walang kamatayang kapasawayan ni gelai; ung maingay n pagkocall ni claire; ung knives ni el (nakakatakot..may killer instincts pa nman!); ung effortless na pagpapatawa ni bevs and ung motherly concern ni cathy sa team... lahat lahat sa team na to!!!

We could be very mean and naughty pero mababait pa den kami...

pix below are taken sa Intramuros last Mar 25, nag-visita iglesia kami... we were able to visit only 5 churches : Binondo, Sta. Cruz, Malate, Manila Cathedral and San Agustin...

the song of the rain...the song my soul

2005-03-29T22:50:00.000-08:00

was it something in the rain

or a chance to love again

that made me explain

the secrets of my soul

i guess i only needed someone to hold

for i was gone w/o a trace

when the rain blew away

and it seems i'd spend my whole life

waiting for love

and when it comes

i always walk away...

Goodbye AnoNiMhy...

2005-03-25T22:25:00.000-08:00

What can I say? Last night was the last I'd be with this team --- I know you'd agree with me if I'd say it's very painful bec I've been with this team eversince I've been with Convergys --- and I know that it'd take forever before I'd be able to jive and enjoy being with my new team!!! Iba kasi talga ang AnoNiMhy --- I've met the truest and best people, friends, teammates and family here --- wala na yatag papantay sa team na'to sa puso ko... Sabi nga ni Anya "Not that I'm closing my doors to other team or people but it's just that I know I'd never love them the way I had this team..." How apt! How true!

Can't help but really cry when I was reading the Qcomm (that was a service messenger in Convergys), pano ba naman, everyone's too sad ad disheartened over the dispersal - everyon's reminiscing his first impression on this person, the thing he's learn from him, etc.... Nakakalungkot lang na we'd be starting our new lives with Convergys on Monday --- then with our respective teams.....Lemme quote some of the posted messages (courtesy of Chris..tnx dude!):

PHR_SGARALDE> at kay tl mhy: salamat, kasi kundi dahil sa 'yo di kami maghihiwahiwalay, at di rin namin malalaman kung gano namin kamahal ang isa't isa.....di namin marerealize na in our own little ways eh na-touch namin ang buhay ng isa't isa, na nagtuturingan na kaming magkakapamilya(sa iba ngamaaaring higit pa....uuuuy ), dahil sa 'yo naging matatag kami...sayang nga lang at wala ka na dito para ipagmalaki kami...pero salamat na rin.... - Aiyecka

PHR_JDEASIS> despite those times na minsan may topak tau pareho-pareho, keri lang.....hindi ko alam kung ano ung mas mami-miss ko..ung mga tao b or ung samahan? basta pareho lang.... --- janis

PHR_JVILLAMIL> seryoso.. natutuwa ako nakilala kokayo.. iba ang team nyo.. u really care for each other.. too bad kelangan ma-disperse.. - jameh

PHR_EDELACRUZ> sa konting panahon na pinagsamahn natin- konti lang talga yung panahon natin na spend moretime with each other but at least we managed to be foreach one of us...we started out as 5 members - nawalan na tayo ng TL pero andito pa din tayo - marami na ang nawala - may mga dumating...pero kahit anong mangyari tayo pa din ang team - definitely you people will remain my friends; family here at the office...i loveyou all kahit corny pakinggan...- ernest

Huling Hirit

2005-03-23T10:23:00.000-08:00

March 20-21, 2005 (Monday-Sunday)
Pansol, Calamba, Laguna

The much awaited team get-together out of town happened at long last. Ironic it may seem(because a week after this, we'd all go our separate ways and join our respective teams), we had the best time of our lives spent together there - even for 24 hours only! I'll surely miss this team ( it would've been "more" happiest and "more" merriest if we're complete --- former and present members alike...esp mention sa aming "Maintenance and over-all boy" Denzil, our beloved Mamu's -- Cielo and Militz..soon to be Gelai and others)... but let me show some of the pics....some lang, ha because we're still waiting for the those pipz who brought their digicams with them during the outing to upload the pix in their corresponding yahoogroups...

Some of d gurls...
Me, Anya, Rose, Khat and Anne
At the entrance gate...Sunday, 10AM

Pose ala Bb. Pilipinas candidate?
sarap mag-swimming...

I was with Maricar "the ghost"? --- have I mentioned that the place was creepy?

Pose ala Model
The Pool. Before going home...one last nook...

We maybe very exhausted when we went home --- but deep inside we're content and happy, knowing that we'd be keeping that memorable moment for the rest of our days... and beyond...Dont know if I'd ever finf a team as true and as unique as this team...I really love these pipz.....

Sana maulit yun!

EXPERIMENTATION

2005-03-20T09:37:00.000-08:00

What do you do when you miss someone so much but you know that
person doesn't?

TITLE :

How to win someone back.

ASSIGNMENT :

To win someone back despite of :

a. him, already having a girl

b. his friendster's status is "In a Relationship"

c. his friendster photos are full of pix of him and his current girl in their beachcapades all over the country

OBJECTIVE :

To win someone back without appearing cheap...and well, a sour loser

MATERIALS NEEDED :

a. Vicky Belo contract (optional)

b. Friendster Account (at least 1)

c. Wardrobe (sexy sets)

d. Exercise (killer combination)

e. Make-up setsf. Common Friends

PROCEDURE :

1. Always login to friendster to monitor any development in his status : Single n kaya siya?

2. Assess and evaluate yourself. Say "I'm the same person he used to love, ain't I? And I can win him back no matter!" If the answer is yes, go to step3, If no, STOP. Loser ka talga!!!!

3. Do a little exercise (remember you gain 23 lnbs in Convergys?) If necessity asks,
do a lot everyday...study for certain combinations, or for better results, enrol in a gym or aerobics lesson. If you're still not satisfied or convinced you can face him, see Dr. Belo.

4. Try on some of your chosen wardrobes and put on some make-up. You could also do color combinations (just make sure that colors agree, otherwise, you'd look like a beaten Kabuki doll). After you've ensured you "ALMOST LOOK PERFECT", go to step 5.

5. Visit you common friends. When you visit them, make sure you'd have time to see him and make opportunities being visible to him (Read : Visible!!!).

QUESTION OF THE LIFETIME :

Should or shouldn't I try winning him back?

SYNOPSIS :

You'd been officemates for a year but you managed to see him as an alien. Why not?
Not only his fair complexion (too fair for a man) bothered you, he seemed to be so "yabang" and Über "confident" because of his good looks (w/c you admitted just NOW insecured/scared you so much) which made you conclude he's a total "HEARTBREAKER". But deep inside you knew and admitted he's so damn gorgeous and only, all throughout, you managed to drive away any hint or notion that you were indeed, "ATTRACTED" and weren't immune to his charms. You
always put on your defense mechanism by saying "Given he's cute, you know naman I've no eyes for gwapo, di bah? Isa pa, he's nothing compared to Mr. Blank (your very first love and the man you still claimed you're hopelessly and madly inlove with, or so, you thought)" and even
armored yourself with this "mataray" looks and reputation that you loved exhibiting and showcasing everytime, as a result HE ended up as either being the "Witness" or the "Victim". But despite of your frequent public display of "katarayan" at "kasungitan", you knew you were special to him, you actually felt it. Take the following examples (if people raise their brows and start musing "Ilusyonada") :

1) You caught his frequent stares that made you wonder maybe :

a."Lagpas ba ung lipstick ko?" Later on you realize you actually didn't put on some makeup.

b. "Magulo ba ung hair ko? Care ko, eh, mahangin sa labas!" But you unconciously started combing your hair.

c. "May dumi b sa mukha ko or madumi b ung face ko?" This time you intentionally check your face --- eyes, nose, etc....and started opening your bag and took you pressed powder out and made a final facial check (hehehe), "Okay naman, a!"

So the verdict : Maybe he found your face worth staring at and found you pleasing at all.

2) He tried to, at least if not with you, befriend your friends and invited them to play billiards with him.

3) Finally, receded and admitted the truth that "Hindi k talaga kaya ng powers niya!" and just shrugged his shoulders as you started showing your cat claws and started nagging again, which strangley, he found so amusing!

But you still hated him for no apparent reason at all. You just didn't like him or was it your feeling for him that you despised? You would rather admit to have crush on other guys than admit that you had strong feelings for him but silently worshipped and nortured your feelings for him. That throughout the duration of your stay in that office, you had been a COLOSSAL DENIAL QUEEN. You even remembered that when he was hospitalized, you visited him or intended to visit him, only you were not able to because you were "caught peeking to his private room by his closest friends with their sheepish grins" and you didn't know what to do or say or how to escape that "shameful event" and said "Hi, nasa 3rd floor kami ni Chele, may dinalaw lang kami. Sige, bye..." and bolted your way out of the scene (Now you realized that what you said didn't make any sense at all!)You silently prayed as you walked away "God, kunin mo na ko ngayon, nakakahiya! Ano n lang iispin nun tungkol sa kin --- Na kaya ako mataray sa kaniya eh, dahil patay n patay pala ako..! NAKAKAHIYA!!!!" So to cover up that shameful event you continued crushing on other guys even if your friends didn't believe you anymore...

And the DAY of your life came. He ardently admitted his undying affection for you that went on something like this : "No words can describe how much I feel for you. The only words I could utter is I love you!" But despite the fact that you've learned that he loved you, you still didn't believe that and almost cried out loud "Sabi ko n nga ba!" when you've heard that he's courting other girl months after he admitted he loved you. See? Who knows those words were really for that girl and not yours? Unfortunately, you never had the time to verify and confront "your status" - because you had to leave...

And now after almost 16 months, you were informed by your friend (the same friend you're with in the hospital) that He was seen with his current girl in Galera, November of last year. They were very cozy and sweet! Sweet? So how was that! How coud they be? Oh, well, you're too far from being sweet, you'd rather be sour because you love eating green mango and pineapple, so you'd rather be sour, yes, you are a SOUR LOSER!!! Did he actually love you? Did he? Loved you? A year ago? Or was everything a big joke? Like you were a big joke to him? Maybe he was just young then, maybe...Maybe he's just fooling around...Maybe he wasn't...What if he was?

Or maybe it was your fault....for driving him away...for being coward...for not following what your heart sought to do. Your only CONSOLATION : You dumped him first (sort of, hehehe) before he could dump you! You didn't even give him the chance to get close to you. So why are you sulking and wanting him back? SANITY CHECK : Nababaliw ka na ba? HOW COULD YOU WIN BACK SOMEONE WHO WASN'T THERE AT ALL? Someone who wasn't yours? SOMEONE WHO WAS NEVER YOURS AND WOULD NEVER BE?

CONCLUSION :

No, you don't want him back. I guess, you just need to see him for the last time --- to finally set yourself free and let go of
someone who was never there at all. You need to move on. You should. And you would! So what if you miss him? So what if you miss him so much it damn hurt? If you're able to survive not seeing him for 16 mos, for sure you would for the next 16 mos or more...You could live without him, yes and be a COLOSSAL DENIAL QUEEN FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!

Kumanta n lang nga tayo :

"Even if you mean the whole damn world to me

I can forget you, wait and see

I can be strong even without you

I can't waste my life forever hoping you'll come back to me

But deep inside you know, I'll be waiting here for you.."

***FOOTNOTE : This is a true story because this is MY STORY!!!

_________________________________
JUST A THOUGHT : "Sabi nila malalaman mo
daw kung talagang mahal mo ang isang tao
kapag nawala siya at alam mong may kulang
na sa'yo at hindi ka na magiging kompleto
kung hindi siya babalik."

Days with Chele

2005-03-19T10:54:00.000-08:00

Friday, March 18
Those SL's bored the hell outta me (I was absent from my nerve-wracking and sanity-losing job because of tonsillitis --- y not? In the call center industry, you tend to abuse your tonsil so much because you're talking for the whole 7.5 hours you're in the Goddamn office!) so I went to Chele's place and went on swimming with her... Then found out that she's already resigned from Etel...

Solo Pic

Chele and Me

Saturday, Mar 19
We've heard the news that there'd be a JOb fair at Mega, so we opted to go there and take chances...When I was there I've realized how many Filipinos were or are jobless, just by looking at how jobhunters swarmed around the Megatrade Hall. After we'd scanned the area for possible companies, we readily went to the Dep store and boutiques. Here were some pix taken there...

Me and Chele sa fx...pauwe n kami

Models not for Sale

This is how we say...GOODBYERS....!

2005-03-14T13:24:00.000-08:00

They say nothing is permamnent in this world,
for others foresee change as either a
development, promotion, maturation or
evolution....
Well maybe true...for some...but not for me
(for my team at least)...I just wish that the
sole person responsible for the team dispersal
would somehow be led to read mhy blog...No we
don't hate you TL Mhy, it's just that we find
your actions irresponsible and
unforgiveable...
What have you left was a struggling team who
somehow managed to survive and proved
themselves worthy of admonishon from the
management and other teams alike. Yes, we
survived, we manged to continue living...and
fighting even without your presence...
We don't hate you..it's just that we wish you
could said goodbye so that there wouldn't be
hard feelings over the teams'
separation...That we parted ways as friends,
good, good friends, for some of us spent a
year together....You, ernest, Chris and Mami
Cielo...
It's just so hard to let go of not just the
team, but the FRIENDSHIP we all took pains to
build and ponder thru the months...I just
regret the fact that you didn't say
goodbye...You could've told us...You know we'd
understand...WE WOULD UNDERSTAND why you have
to go...and leave...
You couldn't have lied, you could've told us
the truth....
And now there is no longer AnoNiMhy --- for
that name, that team was history...a legacy of
people who enjoyed being together despite the
challenging job we were bound to do,laughing
together despite the fact that life isn't good
(sometimes...), drinking together after work
hours (regardless whether am or graveyard
shift --- with or without MONEY), scutinizing
one another, not for the sake of "laitin" one
another but to really make fun of ourselves
because we know we love and enjoy our
companies so much that we hated going
home...but looking forward to seeing each
other again ---exchanging stories as to what
happened during those time we weren't
together, never failing to have a good laugh
at nothingness...
I know I will miss this team so much, as surely as I will the things we're fond doing together..I will miss the friendship...the kind of friendship that was so rare I think only FORTUNATE people like me found...and would forever nourish...
TL Mhy, wherever you are, hope you're happy and take care always....You know we'll be okay..You know we will - with or without you....
I don't know what's gonna happen but knowing these Anonimhy pipz - I know we could survive, kahit hiwa-hiwalayin, pagtilad-tilarin, because we are connected in a circle --- no ends, no corners but goes on forever --- where our spirits, the spirits of camaraderie and love, a genuine friendship, reside forever..

Anywies, we are no longer known as AnoNiMhy pala, JAMANYA na.....
Tnx to QSP Jameh --- we appreciated the little time you and the team had shared....Makulit man kami pero we're so glad you were the one who's assigned to the team...
And to TL Auds, kahit sa maikling panahon naramdaman namin ung concern and love mo sa team - WE SALUTE YOU!!!Kung sana man lang kaw na lang ung maging Tl namin and not itinapon kami sa kung kani-kaninong TL, wla na sanang mas masaya pa sa men....
KAYA NATIN TOH!!!!!

PUP...My Alma Mater Forever

2005-02-23T12:52:00.000-08:00

"Sintang Paaralan

Tanglaw ka ng bayan

Pandayan ng isip ng kabataan

Kami ay dumating nang salat sa yaman

Hanap na dunong ay iyong alay.....

Ang layunin mong makatao

Dinarangal ang Pilipino

Ang iyong aral, diwa, adhikang taglay

PUP aming gabay, paaralang dakila

PUP, pinagpala"

---------------------------------------------------

Pix while I was a college stud:

BSInfoTech 4-3 during our Xmas party

Grad pic.....

-------------------------------------------------------------------
COLLEGE FRIENDS

With Noemi and Jahnays....
Two years after graduation...at noemi's office.

Should or Shouldn't I?

2005-02-19T08:11:00.000-08:00

February 16, 2005. Around 4-5pm.

What would you feel or do if you see someone you've been dying to see, whom you haven't seen for 15 mos (1 year and 3 mos)?

SUBLIME!

I took a peek on the newly-established Gateway Mall at Araneta, Cubao, after I'm thru doing a li'l shopping around the area --- bought myself 3 new tops/blouses and a pant. When I was walking towards the terminal bound to Ever-Pasig, I saw a familiar looking guy wearing a green polo. And It seemed that my world stopped revolving and my heartbeat seemed to take my heart outta my ribcage (This is how I exaggerate thing...hehehe) "Omigod, I know him! It was November of 2003 when I last saw him!" Then I decided to follow him --- stalk him up to where he's going. Then he entered KFC - then I followed (yup, I did despite the fact that I'm carrying alotta shopping bags). When he stood at the end of one of the cashiers - I stood at the end of thenext cashier, but God, I was dead nervous that time. But apart from that nervousness, I felt very excited --- i felt a sense of anticipation of what was about to happen.

"Would he recognize me?" "Did he remember my name?" "Would he remember me as the girl he used to ...well...love?"

I' d falen to these deep thinking when I decided to look at his direction - then SURPRISE! SURPRISE! - I met his eyes..I decided to walk away...Hindi ko pala kaya...

Hindi ko pala kayang tanggaping if ever makikta ko yung rejection sa mga mata niya...na hindi ko palang kaya na tanggaping nabiyak na yung helmet niya sa ulo...What if there wasn't any recognition on his eyes, just mere familiarity...Haay.......

Ano kaya at naging matapang akong harapin siya and say "Hi!"...

Haay..here I go again....Limbo....Nakabitin sa ere...

Well, well, well....maybe that wasn't the right time for a reunion...

Maybe not yet.

Maybe soon...

Now's the perfect time to breathe....

2005-02-14T13:56:00.000-08:00

So how should one feel if (s)he's relieved of something that's giving him(her) headache for days?
YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

At last, I could breathe na den, noh...and start making kwento n with my friends/teammates about my one-week training...I-cheers mo, day!

Plus the fact that I'd be out of the office for 4 consecutive days and would be doing basically NOTHING...harharhar.... I won't hassle mself onto saying "Thank you for calling SBC..." while I am doing my fave thing - BLOGGING!!!!!

WIsh me a happy Vacation guys...... Id sign in again on Saturday..
Enjoi the Valentine seasons - loveless or whatever

Pathetic....I AM!

2005-01-30T13:39:00.000-08:00

For E. N.

I am loving you for so long now...before I was so attuned to loving
you from afar, now I am loving you in vain...and in vain, I'll love you
forever...I never had a chance with you, I guess never will I stand
a chance with you. But that never stopped me from loving you,
not yesterday, not today, not even tomorrow...
No one could ever take your place.

For you.
Every is yours....Giving you all the right to own it, love it,
break it, keep it... just don't bring it back to me....

I wish one day you'd miss me that no matter how hard you search for me,
you won't find me. I wish one day you'd remember my face that no matter
you wish to forget, it'd keep haunting you. I wish one day you'd love me
that no matter how hard you ignore it, you would always feel the pain.
Then you'd be hurt, then you'd cry, then you'd long to be with me,
only to realize I was gone and could love you no more...

Never in life had I been more bitter since we parted and the day
I'd learned that you could never be mine. You were never mine.
Inspite of that I never regret loving you, for in you I have learned
that love is indeed wonderful, yet mysterious...in loving I always

had the chance to smile amidst the pains and the tears!

P. S.

Wherever you are...be happy always and smile...I am always thinking of you...

and hoping that everything's okay with you. I've learned that you're in a happy
relationship right now, good for you. I guess I have to thank God for
making you a happy man and I hope He continues to keep it that way...

_______________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________

Well, I thought I was alone..the only pathetic person on earth...
Check this out pipz!!!!!
http://heartbrokn4eva.tripod.com/id5.html
Love is universal, huh! Victims are scattered all over the world - victimizing young and old alike....

Spending-Scrimping 101

2005-01-29T09:59:00.000-08:00

A Woman's Money Life Stages

If you are 20-25 years old - You probably just entered the workforce or haven' t been working for that long. Take advantage of your youth and start saving 10% of your paycheck per month. Start building a good credit history by applying for your first credit card and regularly paying off. But don't spend all your time scrimping and saving. These are your "me" years, when everything is possible and you don't have too many financial obligations (Oh..but I have alotta financial obligations, sending my younger bro to college is one, could I still possibly save 10%?!? Whew, a sugar sister!- janis). While you are still young and are free, do all the things you've always wanted to do. Travel to a far-off places or rent your own apartment.

Once you are 26-30 - If you religeously followed the 10% saving rule in your early 20's, you should be sitting in a modest cash hoard by now. You might even use part of it for a downpayment on a new car, but make sure, you also put enough investments so your net worth can grow. At your age, you can afford to take a bit more investment risk, so look beyond simple time deposits. As you move closer to age 30, give your long-term career goals more serious thought. Non-stop job-hopping might have been okay while you were "finding yourself" in your early 20's, but continuing that pattern in your 30's can seriously hamper your long-term - earning power. (Sigh...I fear reaching this age bracket, I'm slowly approaching...just 3 years!)

*Cosmopolitan Mag, Phil. Ed
2004, May.

------------
10 reasons to take control of your spending

1. You never met a credit card you didn't like. - TRUE!
2. You are impulsive by nature and think that using your credit card makes you appear more attractive. - Not Really, I applied for one out of necessity, not for some "status quo" reasons....
3. Your retirement plan is to work until you die.
4. You don't know how much you owe or don't care.
5. You buy things you didn't know existed before you saw them on television but now desperately need. - Guilty
6. You never worry about money because your partner does enough for you both.
7. You have never saved a penny in your life.
8. You don't know if you will have a job tomorrow.
9. You run out of money before you run out of week.
10. You know more about erectile dysfunction than money management.

***I just hope I could save, hey, I still have three years before going to the "established stage" and buy my own condo (dream on...c'mon, it's free....) ....I just hope I could!

L2S_MOC Gallery

2005-01-20T11:29:00.000-08:00

BACK TO HOME

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Anniversary Fun Climb
Mt. Gulugod-Baboy, Mabini-Anilao, Batangas
July 25-26, 2004

Ascending Mt. Gulugod Baboy. Nasiraan ung jeep halfway the trip kaya naglakad kami, so it took almost 40 minutes for us to arrive to the campsite.

More pics.....

Welcome to Teletubbies Land

The Silhouette Group Photo

Before Descending...

Goodbyers..
Mt. Gulugod-Baboy, Mabini-Anilao, Batangas
July 25-26.

"This was the next (and last) climb I had with L2S_MOC after I resigned
from Link2Support, and my last was almost a year ago, Oct, 2003.
Na-miss ko ung activities, ung pagod, ung struggles habang umaakyat.
But once you're on top, ang sarap ng feeling, you felt like an ACHIEVER
for having reach the mountain's peak. It pays all the hardwork and pagod
and all when you see the views from below. Feeling me ang close close mo
sa nature, everything's so peaceful...calming every nerve endings on your body.
You could really sing 'I'm on the top of the world....' "
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Mt. Tarak, Mariveles, Bataan
October 12-13, 2003

The Mystique Falls
Nakita lang namin tong Falls na ito thru our binocam.
I don't know kung sa kabilang side na ito ng mountain, ang haba kasi ng
mountain na ito but one thing is sure, at the foot of this falls, we
could find the Papaya River, which is situated midway the trek
(the last portion of the Mt. Tarak section were pics taken while we
were in Papaya River). There were also alotta hawks soaring in the sky....
Ang ganda ganda!

The Lucky 13
Boyet - sitting, Ruthie, Aimz, Malen, Sally, Jes (behind Sally),
Chaya(waving his hands at the back), Al, Me (behind Al), Stauss, Billy and Robbie
Mt. Tarak, Mariveles, Bataan
October 12-13, 2003
At the port, Orion, Bataan.
Just a ride from here and presto, nasa jumpsite n kami!
Pero we had to walk an hour (sa ilalim ng sinag ng araw) to arrive sa actual
jumsite....and prepared ourselves for a 6-hour walkathon and climbathon up to the
ridge/actual camp site of Mt. Tarak. Gudlak! 6 am ung call time namin sa
CCP and we have to ride a ferry papunta sa Orion. Thas was atuaclly my
first time to ever ride an actual vehicle/ship (whatever!) in a body of water ----
sa dagat pa...The trip wasn't actually long - mga 45 mins lang but

I was really very nervous, kasi nga takot akong malunod. I kept on asking

kung pano gamitin ung life vest (hahaha...paranoid!) pero halfway the trip

na-enjoy ko den, I even went to the ferry's tailend at tiningnan ung seawater -

sarap sa feeling and hindi naman nakakahilo!

The Pro's
Al, Ruthie, Aimz, Pring (behind Aimz), Malen, me, Sally, Robie, Jes and Boyet
Before leaving. CCP complex.

Trekking

apunta na kami sa jumpoff...I told you, naglakad talga kami sa initan for almost an

hour.....First time pa naman ni Al, to!

Pahinga muna sandali!
Kelangan, nakasmile talga ako. a!

Pauwe na kami, after spending the night sa itaas ng bundok kung saan

tanaw na tanaw mu ung Corregidor Island. Pero picture taking muna.

Wacky Take One

Wacky Take Two
Pababa na kami, I can't wait to wallow(tampisaw...ahahaha) na sa Papaya River.

ag-stop over daw kami dun for an hour or two so, 6 hours na naman ito.....

Papaya River

Sarap maligo dun!

\Anlamig ng water at ang linis linis den, parang Taytay Falls sa Majayjay, Laguna.

The Group Pic

Ang saya-saya!
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Mt. Maculot, Cuenca, Batangas
September 11-12, 2003

The scenery ....

The Taal Volcano

Trekking

Ako at si Aimz..Bow...
Paakyat sa Mt. Maculot.

At the Rockies.

Scenic discoveries...
6am call time. Bago mag-breakfast, we went to Rockies first.

Medyo malakas ang hangin pero okay lang, mukha namang masarap akyatin yun

(despite the famous ghost story of "Maricris" - ipagtanong nio n lang sa mga

blue-blooded mountaineer ung story nia, evryone knows that!)!

And hindi kami nagkamali.....ung mga pics sa itaas were taken while we were at Rockies.

Embracing Diversity...(hehehe)
Malen and Robbie (kayo ba?), ako (representing an ethnic tribe from North?),

Rob (wala lang), Pring (masaya? di halata, a), Aimz (yo! parang hiphop, a),

Ruthie (Jemaah Islamiyah - harharhar) and Boyet (D' Alien).

The Statue Of...Boyet????!!!!!

The tribe's princesses....

The Silhoutte Shot
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Taytay Falls, Majayjay, Laguna
July 26-27, 2003
First ever outdoor activity of L2S_MOC.

When we were on the way sa swimming/camping site, we couldn't help but exclame

"Wow" and "Great" when we see how clear the water is. As in,

ang linis-linis...very envigorating....When we saw the actual falls,

"My God, heavens..." Gusto ko kaagad maligo, but then, we have to set our tent,

or things pati na ung pagkain namin....And oh....after 10 mis,

lumalangaoy na sila....(ako lubog lubog lang....don't know how to swim, e!)

And, anlamig ng tubig, ang sarap maligo.

Tabing Ilog...
Sa ilog, ang mundo'y tahimik.......

The Jacuzzi Shot
Ligo Tayo...sarap sarap!

Dos Mestizos

The Breakfast

The Breakfast Club
Jes, Ken, Ruthie, Robbie and me (super short pa ung hair ko ditoh!)

The Bebots
Lasing or Puyat?

Going Home

Sino bang nag-shot nito? Ang tanga-tanga ng timer/digicam at tripod ni Sally!!!!

Team AnoNiMhy

2005-01-16T10:34:00.000-08:00

Want ya'll to know my officemates a.k.a team mates...

Birthday Treat ni TL Mhy.....

Jan 14-15, 2005. TL Mhy's treated the team to an awesome dinner at Dencio's grill at the Megastrip. After we're full, we went to Grand Boulevard Hotel and played (a little) in Casino Filipino. After all the "recreational activities" there, we went outside --- straight to Baywalk.

Racky, Khat, Lui, TL Mhy and me
Baywalk, Jan 15, 2005. 12am

Ernest, Me, Wilbur and Cathy
at the Bay again. around 12am. Jan 15, 2005

Denz, Racky, Khat, Lui and TL Mhy....
So I am missing in action, huh? (Ako nga pala ung photographer...harharhar)

Who said that it's all over after the ''drinking sessions" in the Baywalk? Since most of us were energetic and high-spirited that time --- it's Videoke time! We went immediately to Providence after we filled ourselves some drinks at Baywalk.

TL Mhy's singing a song to Lui? (Sila na? May himala ba talga?)
Videoke time, Providence, Jan 15, 2005. Around 3-5am.

Is it really concert time for TL Mhy? (Pagbigyan - birthday, eh!)

And who said everything stopped there? Pag labas ng videoke at magsawa kakakanta - twa's almost 5am, so we decided to have breakfast -- and what great place to go but BINONDO. Congee, siomai, dumplings, siopao....Name it, we ate them! Racky couldn't help but exlcaimed his overwhelming joy that the team was together for almost 12 hours. Very exhausting man ung whole night, masaya naman! Kelan kaya mauulit toh?

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Daily Ocurrence

The team on the way to St. Francis - McDo after 7 hrs and 30 mins of taking calls and speaking with the s#!t Americans (1 hr for lunch and 2 -- 15 min breaks), we're FREE!!!!! We're eating breakfast....Hmmm... Dalishus!
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Presenting the Anomimhy team in the recent CVG Xmas Party at the NBC Tent,Fort (Dec 14, 2004)

*Party people (Xmas Party nga, da bah?) From left to right : Mami Militz, Claire, ako (feeling "debutant"), Chris and Khat

*Anonimhy' s Angels: (sa party den) Khat (as Cameron...James, kala nio Diaz, noh?!), ako (Drew Barrymore?...nde Arellano) and Bevs (Lucy Liu, sisters talga sila in real-life db?)

*Nyoy Volante rendered a song....he sister works in Convergys

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The Anomimhy team when we were doing our SBC Team Logo
Mami Cielo's house in Makati. Sept 12, 2004

Mami Cielo's house in Makati
The Tunggeras - si Anya lasing na!
(Khat-violet, Anya, She-black, Rose-standing, Me and Bevs)

The Nguso queens --- She and Ernest(ina)...

Sayaw Anya, sakay Kikay.....Lalalalalalala.....

I couldn't imagine how we managed to finish the Team Poster...Hmmm....talented talaga kami, kahit lasing, productive pa den....

CONVERGYS GALLERY

Para sa lahat ng pathethic...(gaya ko!)

2005-01-15T13:27:00.000-08:00

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Sabi nila love is like a wildflower, it' s often found in the most unexpected places....took you by surprise and you'd receive the shock of your life by realizing that you couldn't do anything to stop it nor prevent it from coming, and you'd be held in prison...helpless like a child...doing stupid things as other people see it, but you'd do it blindly...Do you think love is blind? No...it only sees what matters, and nothing else...Yung susunod n mababasa nio was somethign I created out of frustration, when I was eating my heart out dahil sa isang special n tao...Wherever you are E.N., wala nang pedeng pumantay sau sa puso ko...You Are Special, Exceptional...You'd Always be, 'til d end of time....

Weird ng Luv, noh!

Bakit ba kailangang magmahal ng tao? Bakit kailangang mahalin natin 'yong mga taong hindi na pwedeng mahalin or hindi tayo kayang mahalin? Bakit kailangang NAGMAHAL KA NA NGA, MASASAKTAN KA PA? Tapos, after mong masaktan, pipiliin mo pa ring mahalin yong taong nagpaluha sayo?Worst and ironically, kung sino pa ung nagpaiyak at nanakit ng damdamin mo, iyon at iyon pa den ang taong makapagbibigay ng di matatawarang kaligayahan sayo? Weird di bah? At sa kabila ng lahat at kahit ano pang mangayri, siya at siya pa rin ang pipiliin mong mahalin? Kulang na lang, ipagsiksikan mo yung sarili mo sa buhay niya...sa puso niya! And if not really possible, you'll just be content loving that person from afar...kahit sa ILUSYON lang. At least doon there are countless possibilities...to the point of owning that person...kahit doon lang. Sometimes, I can't help but ask, can a man be all that consuming? That you'd spend eternity and beyond loving that person? Na kahit isang milyong lalaki pa yong iparada sa harap mo, wala pa ring papantay sa true love mo, that person would always be the best...would always be exceptional! Minsan naiisip ko, ganito ba talaga ka-sadista ang pag-ibig and tayo, as response, ma-sokista naman. Haaay...akala ko ba everyone has a destiny pre-written, that there's a person designed to love and make you complete, pero bakit parang it'd take a lifetime to find that someone, that you'd have to search the world and in the end, you'd end up alone...lonely! "They say loving is never wrong, but why is there forbidden love? They say love will never fall us, but why does it break our hearts? They say love is shared by two, but why can't I share it with you?" --- read once sa internet. Bakit ba hindi na lang naging AUTORESPONDING ang pag-ibig, pag minahal mo, automatic na mamahalin ka din? Mas masaya di bah? Pero aminin man natin or hindi, inspite of all the pains, masarap pa ding magmahal...matamis...to the point of swallowing and eating even the bitterest of pains. A person once said (nabasa ko lang din sa internet) "In love rarely do we win. But when love is true, even if you lose, you still win for having felt loving someone more than yourself." Ganon yata tal'ga ang pag-ibig. It's such a wonder how you could actually love someone intensely and yet ready to accept the fact that he's not yours and let go. Isn't it a wonder na okay lang sayo na habang nakatingin ka sa taong mahal mo, sa iba naman siya nakatingin, na kahit anong gawin mo, hindi ka niya kailanman makikita...kahit pa wala naman talga siyang ibang tinitingnan? That's love. Honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way! I've realized , eh ano kung hindi niya ako mahal, or may iba na siya, or hindi niya ako kayang mahalin, hindi ko na ba siya puwedeng mahalin? Just because hindi ka niya pwedeng mahalin for whatever reason, you'd be bitter and give him up? Love would and should never drive a person to crave ownership...Loving someone is not a license to own a person...not even a guarantee or shield from pains...and definitely not a promise that you would always be happy, never a moment of sadness and you would be loved as well. Isn't love like planting? Pag nagmamahal ka, you've planted a seed in someone's heart, then you'd nourish it. That isn't a guarantee that it'd grow, it could die before it grows. There's a possibility na hindi nga yon simulang tumubo man lang but that's okay, at least you've given yourself the chance to love and be glad about it. You could sow what you planted, but the harvest is unsure, the most important thing is you've done your part, it's up to that person to realize your worth. True love comes only once in our lives, if that someone happened yesterday - be thankful it did; if that someone happened today - cherish and if that someone happened soon - hope...But for now, just enjoy the feeling while it lasts...it may take forver to love again...we don't know what tomorrow brings...who knows kung kaya mo pang magmahal nang ganito...or kung magmamahal k pa...just cherish everything n meron tayo or 'yong happiness na nadarama natin while loving that person...as the song goes... "I keep holding on before the good is gone co'z I know I'll never love this way again"

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GLIMPSE

-janis

You came along unexpectedly

My heart beat so differently

You taught me many things

Brought me many changes

You taught me how to smile

Though how hard it was

You taught me how to forgive

Though it tore me apart

You taught me how to love

Without any exceptions

You taught my heart to love someone

Who's been very special to me

I never thought you're gonna leave

I never expected it will come to end

You taught my heart to love you

And now why did you have to go ?

You......just come and go

A glimpse, a wind that blows!

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LOVING

If loving you means setting you free, then go and find your way...

If loving you means being happy while you're away from me, then go the distance...

If loving you means getting hurt, crying bouts, loosing myself, then go and take everything from me...

If loving you is seeing you baing happy with someone else, then go and gind her way.

You could fly high ang go miles, you could stay away from me for the longest hours...

You need not worry nor come back, need not bother if I'm happy or not...

For even if you're gone, you're still here...inside my heart...

Soar. Fly high. Rest assured I'm always here to catch you each time you'd fall...

Then perhaps if she led you astray, you could always look behind...I was left standing there the whole time...

You think you're hurting? Look at me...Crying more and more for the pain you don't deserve to feel...for the tears you shed for an unreciprocated affection...your affection that I've been dreaming all my life...

You could always look behind all the time...anytime...I am always standing there!!!

Hoping that someday, somehow you'd find your way...your true love...your home...

ME!

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*Everything in this section is self-authored.

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Quotes...Inspirational

2005-01-12T07:57:00.000-08:00

" I don't know when I began loving you, I guess I was already in the middle when I noticed it...It probably had been a long time ago... because I couldn't remember loving someone else since then...and I'm afraid it'd take forever before I'd love again, if ever I will" - janis. written at 12 : 05 PM, August 11, 2004. Can a person be really all this consuming?

" Looking back and looking forward, love was, is and continuous to be the hardest thing to understand or explain. Because love is reinvented, reengineered, recreated by two pleople at the same time. But as how to reach it's climax is unquestionable, whether it is one-sided or mutually shared. The most important thing is you are happy inspite of the pains and that while you're loving, you are being changed day by day towards being a better preson." - janis. written sometime in June, 2003. Love, such a crazy, sometimes lonely world...that could amazingly bring smiles despite the tears...joys despite the pains...courage despite the fears...

"I wish one day you'd miss me that no matter how hard you search for me, you won't find me. I wish one day you'd remember my face that no matter you wish to forget, it'd keep haunting you. I wish one day you'd love me that no matter how hard you ignore it, you would always feel the pain, then you'd be hurt, then you'd cry, then you'd long to be with me...only to realize i was gone and could love you no more!" - janis. written sometime in May 2003. I believed myself to be calm when I wrote this but I guess I wasn't...flames from the past kept haunting...torturing me as memories of a very special person kept coming back. I thought I had already given him up...I wish I had.

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The following are just excerpts form the net or other reading materials:

I choose to love you in Silence...

For in silence I receive no rejection

Nor should I bother of what it is that prevents us from being together...

It's just that we can never be together.

I choose to love you in Loneliness...

For in loneliness no one owns you but I.

I choose to love you from a Distance...

For distance will shield us form pain.

Still, I Love You and I just can't help but do so.

I choose to kiss you in the wind...

For the wind is gentler than my lips.

I choose to hold you in my Dreams...

For in my dreams, you have no end.

Forever.

That is what you are to me.

In all honesty, I find it hard to believe that I will ever love somebody

the same way I loved you.

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"When I lost you, I was the one who loved you most. But between us, you lost more.

Because one day I could love someone the way that I loved you but yoy'd never be loved

the way that I did!"

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"You deserve to be happy not in the arms of someone who keeps you waiting but in the arms of someonoe who will take you now and love you forever...Don't waste time waiting for someone who will never really cared about how you would have felt. Open your heart again and give yourself the chance to find the one who would make loving worth the pain an dthe sacrifice. "

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"When you love, there isn't a thing as loving a little, but loving all the way. Love may not ask you to give up your life, but it will require lots of sacrifices."

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"If love is painful and joyless, it's time for you to let the love go and save youself. You will find another love but never another self."

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"One should not love to fill in an empty space, but to have somebody to stay by his side as the missing piece in his life heals. But if you can't keep him in your arms, keep him in your heart."

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"Keep on searching for someone you love but when you find that person, stop the search an dtake the risk. Remember that the world is a big place that when you love, you have to search the world again."

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"The difficulty is not dying for love, but finding the love worth dying for."

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Janis as a movie analyst

2005-01-10T06:39:00.000-08:00

Didn't sleep well...Pag dating ko sa bahay, I wasn't feeling sleepy at all so I decided to go over my Movie Collections - I picked Roger Moore's "For Your Eyes Only". Kahit pa sabihing napanood ko n yun many times, I am surprise to find out that I am still thrilled by all the stunts and never ending effects the creator of the James Bond:Agent 007 series made. Kaloka talga, from the skii stunts up to rock climbing activities, ma-a-amaze ka talaga. And Roger Moore, in Agent 007 playboy image really worked it's way to captivate my eyes --- ganun pa den katindi ung dating sa akin ni Roger Moore.

After that napaisip tuloy ako, when would Filipino producers venture into creating these kind of movies? Hindi b natin kaya? Not for lack of talent of course because I won't buy that, we, Filipinos, are very talented and skilled. I don't think that we couldn't create such movies, lack of budget lang siguro. Even big producers aren't daring enough to invest money para lang gumawa ng good movies...and until Filipino producers learn that "if you want to earn big, you gotta invest big", di uusad ang movie industry sa P'nas....tsk, tsk, we do have a great lineups of promising artists pa naman and promising off cam talents --- cinematographers, graphic artists, musical scorers, directors, cameramen, scriptwriters, etc...Kaya ba dinadaan natin sa paggawa ng dramatic movies, which gain so much honor outside. I've nothing against it, esp movies that showcase not just the talents, but the values as well of the Filipinos, but then again, it' snot everyday na ganito 'yong kalakalaran sa movie industry...Kelangan pang magkaron ng movie festivals para lang magpalabas ng magagandang movies.

Hay, Juan, kelan kb matututo at aasenso?

Janis, the Woman in Love....hehehe

2005-01-08T13:49:00.000-08:00

When will I grow tired of Johnny Depp? Haay....before I went to sleep (galing ako sa office noh. Graveyard shift ang lola moh!) I watched NICK OF TIME for the nth time again, and I really can't help but to fall in love with him even more....Super charming talaga, as in! Great actor and there's really something about him that is so exceptional...ewan ko ba?! Love ko talaga siya...lalong lao n pag tino-torture siya or nagmumukha shang engot na parang genius na ewan....He's 41 and yet he proved that "There isn't a thing as age..." I don't nkow kung anong meron siya but he's really cute and ready to swing his matinee idol image to some gruesome host or to look like some creepy character or kahit siguro mentally retarded ung role, he'd carry it with class....

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My Personal Gallery

2005-01-01T13:47:00.000-08:00

I am born under this sign:
Libra is the only inanimate sign of the zodiac, all the others representing either humans or animals. Many modern astrologers regard it as the most desirable of zodiacal types because it represents the zenith of the year, the high point of the seasons, when the harvest of all the hard work of the spring is reaped. There is a mellowness and sense of relaxation in the air as mankind enjoys the last of the summer sun and the fruits of his toil. Librans too are among the most civilized of the twelve zodiacal characters and are often good looking. They have elegance, charm and good taste, are naturally kind, very gentle, and lovers of beauty, harmony (both in music and social living) and the pleasures that these bring.

Librans are sensitive to the needs of others and have the gift, sometimes to an almost psychic extent, of understanding the emotional needs of their companions and meeting them with their own innate optimism - they are the kind of people of whom it is said, "They always make you feel better for having been with them." They are very social human beings. They loathe cruelty, viciousness and vulgarity and detest conflict between people, so they do their best to cooperate and compromise with everyone around them, and their ideal for their own circle and for society as a whole is unity.

Me, me, me and more of me......Can't get enough, huh?

a)Babae sa bubong., b)Parang Natutulog lang., c)up Close and Personal

The many Facets of....................Me...

"Demure effect naman..."

"Sadako.....hahaha....Spooky, parang mumu...."

"Smile lang...wag todo"

"Aist...the smile project..!"

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More of me....(angal ka? Blog ko to, ah...and kaya nga PERSONAL GALLERY ung section na to, noh! Personal...akin...akin....)

"The Smile Project"

Experimentation

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Connect the Faces Project

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My masterprices.... (Feeling photographer)

I took the photo sa rooftop ng bahay namin....wala lang....
Breathtaking talaga ang beaty ng mother nature, noh! The formation of the clouds, the trees, the birds singing and soaring in the blue sky......everything! And it's been a long time since I saw a rainbow, very refreshing makakita ng isa so I readily captured it using my K700i cp(Plugging...tnx to Sony Ericcson...hahaha). Evrytime I see one, it's a simple reminder that God is good, so life is....laging may hope, kaya laging masaya!

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With two of my favorite people on earth : Julius and Jeaneth...my nephew and my niece....

Julius and Jeaneth at Storyland, SM Fairview
December 29, 2004

Me, Bevs and Khat
CVG Xmas Party

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Other website created by the janis
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Convergys Photo Gallery

2005-01-01T11:19:00.000-08:00

While I was still in training.... SBC WAVE 905...Go!
(Dream...Believe...Apologize)

CCT TRAINING

The Class Picture. Last Day of CCT training.
SBC Wave 9 Class 05

Part Two :
Carol, Mak, Mar, Ren, Kath, Janis, Chris, Val, Irene, Emil, Ernest, Pipo, Phil, Francis, Fred, Gisele, Ting, Huge, Vin, Sef, Doh and Megz

Si Ernest..parang lalake, o!?

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PST TRAINING

Fred took this picture sometime in Feb, 2004....I was with Alvin...Vin? San si Alvin?

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Ting and Mar
CVG Xmas Party, NBC Tent Me, Bevs, Khat

Irene, Sef, Doh and Chris

Khat, Me, Arnel and Chris

Team Anonimhy
2wire-GOC-Level1 Training

Rose - hindi makita, Ernest, Me and Lorenz

Khat, Mami Cielo (after giving birth), Me and Irene

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Photos with CVG friends

Kami ni Irene

Madalas kaming asarin...hehehe....compatible daw kami sa lahat - mula sa pagiging mag-bestfriend namin sa batch at parehong pagiging "irate" agent....soul mate daw....Nung mag first months namin sa production floor, kelangan tabi kami lagi ng seats kahit magkaiba kami ng team and pag out n namin - diretso kami sa sleeping quarters - natutulog hanggang 10am, minsan hanggang 2pm na tapos mag-lunch kami sa Rob Galleria. Minsan nga, mag-shop p kami kahit puyat, o kaya kasama namin si Fred...(Fredo...mishu n den at un g iba pa naming ka-batch)...

Kami naman ni Doh
Doh and Irene are my closest friends sa batch. I missed those times na nagpupunta kami sa Ministop para kumain ng breakfast after the duty (nyt shift kasi kami).

Kami ni Bevs
Si Bevs naman ang twin irate agent ko sa Team Anonimhy....hahaha...did you get the picture? Lahat ata ng ka-close ko IRATE....(Birds of the same featheres, flock together, cliche' but true!)
Mas irate yan kasi naninipa yan ng table/desk, ako I just throw my headsets sabay sabing "Hindi n kita kakausapin" - as if naiintindihan ako ng mga 'Kano...hahahaha....

Kami ni Khat
Si Khat ung ka-trio namin ni Bevang sa team - nahawa na sha sa pagiging irate namin. Ngayon, IRATE AGENT n den sha....

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Link2Support Gallery

2004-12-25T07:11:00.000-08:00

***Reminiscin' the good old times.....

MY FRIENDS!!!!!

Me and Jahnays....

Jahnays is one of my college friends and I dare say she's already "tested", to stick with you thru thick and thin...She was with me when I was facing a very hard situation way back in Link2 (forgot to mention that apart from being a housemate in college, we were officemates and teammates in Link2Support). She never left me and encouraged me by not simply saying that life is hopeless but by her mere presence ( I badly needed support, then) She's right. Indeed that life is good and definitely not HOPELESS! So here I am now, STRONGER and even HAPPIER....Kudos to ya!

Me and Rochele...at Seattles Best in Eastwood

Florivie, my orig mamush and me,
Miss n kita, TL! of Link2Support
Jan 4, 2005

With the original Montanara babes of Link2Support, Jan 4, 2005 L2S_MOC, the mountaineering body of Link2Support
Malen, Ruthie, me and Aimz

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AS A MOUNTAINEER

Down to memory lanes ang drama...If I am this depressed or frustrated, masarap mag-reminisce nang mga good times with friends, ung mga good memories mo with them (like the one above that was created by Malen, one of my closest friends in Link2Support - it was actually a draft she created where she put in all the pictures of the Magnificent 9 - the orig membes of L2S_MOC) Names in order of appearance : Sally, Jes, Amy, Ken, Malen, Boyet, Robbie, Ruthie and me - na obvious n naliligo.....(shit..parang production piece)

The background is an actual photo of the Taytay Falls, Majayjay, Laguna taken July 26, 2003. Sarap mag-swimming dun, anlamig ng water sobra...and ung water as in super linis...super linaw...Crystal water talaga!

Ready to go home...One last shot before leaving Taytay Falls.

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Pix below showcase my talent...(harharhar)as a (hmmm...yabang!) mountaineer!

Mt. Maculot, Cuenca, Batangas
September 11-12, 2003
(standing Boyet - green jacket, Aimz)
(sitting from left - Ruthie, Malen, ako and Pring)
at The Rockies with L2S_MOC
Mt. Maculot, Cuenca, Batangas (Sep, 2003)

The "Silhouette Shot"
Rockies, Mt. maculot... Kala nio dapit-hapon, noh and the sun is bidding goodbye? Nope, around 6-7am, to! Medyo cloudy lang nun. The scenery is great, overlooking Taal Lake and the volcano itself, ang ganda ganda talga...the view from below is really marvelous....

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Mt. Tarak, Mariveles, Bataan
October 12-13, 2003.

The "Babes" of L2S_MOC:
Ruthie, Malen, Al, AImz, me and Sally.

Mt. Tarak, Mariveles, Bataan
October 11-12, 2003 (Birthday ako sa bundok!)
From left to right : Malen, Ruthie, ako, Aimz, Sally and Strauss
We were descending any moment then at nag-pose kami...wala lang!

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Mt. Gulugod Baboy, Mabini-Anilao, Batangas
July 25-26, 2004
Anniversary Fun Climb
(One year n ang L2S_MOC....yahoo!)

The scenery....

L2S_MOC : Dette (orange cap), Malen (red scarf on head), Alma (black cap), Grace (sumisilip from behind), Dada (white scarf), Bryan, Peso, Ken, Amiz, Me, Robbie (middle), Es, Ruthie, Strauss (sitting, in blk shirt), Rico and Boyet (noo n lang ang na-capture ng cam).

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TO SEE MORE OF THE L2S_MOC GALLERY, CLICK HERE

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Mga Lalaki sa Buhay ko.....

2004-12-21T10:09:00.000-08:00

RIVER PHOENIX

If there would be one man that I would choose to fall in love with over and over again...it'd be River Phoenix...My first ever crush...I was five years old when I first saw him from a movie entitled "Stand By Me". I was really smitten then that a young age, I knew I already had a crush, moreover, thinking we're of the same age or at least just had three/four-year gap. He had a very sad and complicated childhood, reason behind why everytime you looked at his eyes, you would see a lonely and crying heart and hopeless and dying soul. Those eyes that made him mysterious and loveable. All those heartaches haunted him, eventually drove him to the one thing he hated and despised the most - DRUGS. And on the night of October 31st, 1993, he died of cardiac arrest, finally resting his tire and lonely soul...in peace...

KENSHIN HIMURA AKA BATTOUSAI

His deep determination to change Japan's history- and destiny captured my heart. A true warrior at heart, but possesed a subtle and gentle heart, who would not fall for this man? His life's mission is to protect the weak and vulnerable against the powerful and strong opressor. His motto in life is that courage is not measured by your ability to figt, to kill and to display physical strength but in you belief that you have to fihgt for the weak, to care and to die for them.

JOHNNY DEPP

My very own BEST ACTOR! D'ya know that he was supposed to be "Lestat" in the movie "Interview with the Vampire"? - only he turned the offer down and we all know who took his place - Tom Cruise (See, Tom was just the second best choice!) This 41-year old lad proved that "There isn't a thing as age"... he remained to be one of the most admired and loved actor of all time. I guess all women had had crush on Johnny Depp at one point in their lives...
Famous for : Edward Scissorhands and Sleepy Hollow

ERIC CLAPTON
My ultimate musician....Clapton, a 13-time Grammy awardee, truly is an ultimate musician. Singer, poet, songwriter and guitarist all rolled into one God Musician.
Famous for his song "Tears in Heaven" written for his son who passed away at the age of seven.

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©aug1404. janis de asis

References

2004-12-20T11:32:00.000-08:00

my other website (which I never updated, harharhar) : www.freewebs.com/prodigalhiker

for PUP studs and alumni : www.peyupi.com

Official PUP site : www.pup.edu.ph

for my mounatineering escapades with friends :

1. http://community.webshots.com/album/95191264sTuWFG
2. http://community.webshots.com/album/155508836bxqtrE

I would like to thank the following:

www.google.com - search engine
www.animationfactory.com - gifs
www.gifworld.com - gifs
http://www.fg-a.com/gifs.html - gifs
http://www.astrology-online.com/libra.htm - libra's definition
www.imageshack.us - for image hosting

and lastly,
Convergys Services Phils Inc - for unlimited internet access (24/7)

DeDiCaTiOn :

dedicated to all people I've met, have become part of my life and those who are passing by and coming.

To my friEnds -> neet nOt mEntiOn uR namEs....u knOw hu U R...

my Family - Tatay&Nanay, Kuya Mike and Jerick, Lon, Ate Me Ann and her 2 kids (my fave kids in this good planEt) Julius and Jeaneth.

Most especially to Edmund N.

I don't know where you are or what you do and I've also learned you're in a happy relationship right now. I am happy for you....Be happy always....

Back to HOME
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SEASON'S GREETINGS FROM THE ORIG MONTANARA BABES!!!!!!!!!!!
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