I am...in love???

i can't tell if i already am...but there is an inexplicable joy in seeing him...
just by being near him...
i don't care if he knows me nor my existence, but i'm just happy knowing he's around...

i don't know when i started loving him...i am still uncertain but there is very strong emotion, a strong forcce that's drawing me near him...
a strong and willfull force that i can't control...
because i don't want to...

this can't be denied, whatever it is, i am just glad and elated that i am still capable feeling this way...
to care for someone, even if that someone doesn't have the foggiest idea of what i feel for him...
isn't this great...the total and true meaning of freedom --- having someone so wonderful without owning him? embracing him in your dreams ad keeping him in your heart...

pero natatakot ako...sa kung ano ay hindi ko alam...
ayokong lumait sa kaniya kasi baka makilala ko siya nang mas malalalim and only one of 2 things might happen --- either lalayo ako or mas lalong lalapit...Either way, alam kong masasaktan lang ako...

i guess i have to admit na isa akong duwag n tao...despite what others can see --- matapang, malakas, intimidating --- mataas lang ag self-preservation ko...

ayoko kasing masaktan...

pero gusto kong at the very least ay masabi ko sa kaniya 'yong nararamdaman ko, at least hindi na naman isang nakabiting love story sa ere ang drama ko...

kaya nga nag-resign ako... para kung sakaling malaman niya at magalit...wala na k sa company...hehehe...

pero ma-mi-miss ko siya...he's one of the very few people na sobrang nagbibigay sakin ng reason para gumising sa gabi at pumasok sa office at mag- "Thank you for calling..."

siguro ganito talaga ang drama ng buhay ko...

"I am not looking for someone to love...I believe that life still offers me a lot to live on... but before i sleep at night (or day) i would still think of one thing --- i wish i coudl fnd somene whom i could say "goodnight" to with a kiss... but i'm still too afraid to risk, to fall and take off my shield... but when i finally did, i had to ru away"


















sad, noh????