Janis...theProdigalhiker

This blog would pretty much serve as a window for you to sneak and privy into my personal life...Just like life, my mood also fickles...Minsan masaya, may times n malungkot pero okay lang that's life and I wouldn't have it any other way!... Hala, read on k na lang!

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Nag-iisa ka ba????

In this life, you can’t avoid gossip and unkind words from others…Whatever you do, you will never please everyone. Remember: If you’re not worth anything, they wouldn’t bother!!!!
Whenever you start or do something new, you would always face the challenge of adaptation and survival. Adaptation so you could tune yourself up to the entirety and familiarization of this whole new experience. Once you had adjusted, you’d face the challenge of staying and prolonging your welcome --- will you survive or/and if ever you survive, how long will it last?
I would bravely admit that I am facing this dilemma now. I'm having a hard time fitting in. I'm new to this company and I am used to establishing solid and intimate relationship with colleagues and wavemates. I mean I've been with several companies and I have yet to experience this, for I always find/establish solid relationship with them and keep in touch with them for years. A lot of them would still text me, send friendster PM's and email messages. Some of them still long to see me and miss my company so much that they're "nagtatampo" if I'm not able to fulfill my promise of seeing or visiting them. I'm new to an organization now and I have a lot of adjustments to do. I feel so isolated and alone. But I don't feel pathetic at all not because I have a close friend now who happened to be happy and content even if we’re the only close (like closest friend sa account namin)people here. Sure, there are times I am feeling bad about the whole thing and I couldn't seem to get a grip of what I'm going to be or how I'm gonna act just so I could please them and be accepted. I need not stoop that low and make a fool of myself. I need not push myself that hard because I know that I've done my share reaching out to them and when I got slighted once, it'd be their loss not mine, though that doesn't mean I ain't open to be their friend. I would always keep my door open and they need not knock, they would just have to enter.

I am eventually learning to love myself more. It really is a process, a long and hard process. I'm through living life trying to please people, you might, needless to say, lose yourself in the process. While it's true that you adjust so you could fit in, sometimes they won't just let you in no matter what, either they don't want you for one reason to another or they just don't want true,loving and lasting friends. You don't have to try that hard, there are billions of people on earth who would be more deserving and receptive, and if those people don't want to be associated with you, then it's no longer your loss. Negative people will never be positive until they undego electrolysis process of life but you don't have to mingle with them for they might corrupt the positivity and the inner beauty in you.

I won't say I'm unaltered or unaffected by what's happening (hindi naman ako si Mandy Moore sa fave kong movie na "A Walk to Remember") , but I know that I am a good person and that I have a lot to share and give. These people around me might not see it now but I won't plead them to accept me. As long as I am whole (and believe that I am), I don't need anyone to complete me. I love myself and I already have a lot of friends, friends for keeps (sobrang dami talga nila kaya hindi ko na iisa-isahin!!!). For all other issues I have in life, a bar of chocolate or a pint of ice cream will do or I would rush to the nearest mall and go straight to the food court (hmm...yummie food) --- pig out, sister!! (Give in to that carb craving!). And in the event you have a lot penny to splurge...go ahead and indulge!!!! Afterall, at the end of the day, you still have youself and God --- nothing could come in between and nothing and no one could destroy this relationship.

Why don't we say the mantra over again :
In this life, you can’t avoid gossip and unkind words from others…Whatever you do, you will never please everyone. Remember: If you’re not worth anything, they wouldn’t bother! (I added my won personal mantra!) The best way to fight back is to pull it off and hold it all together while everyone else is expecting you to give up and fall apart.
Ang taray di ba?! Ako pa? Si Janis de Asis pa, ang babaeng Amazona (sabi ni Jahnays)!

Recommended book : Winning Your Inner Struggles by Harold J. Sala

Monday, November 13, 2006

Isang Iglap

Have you ever noticed how fast time flies? Kahapon grade one ka lang, ngayon grade one na 'yong anak mo? Ako nga parang gusto kong pigilan ang oras, kasi parang ang bilis-bilis ng panahon. Hindi naman gusto ko talagang pigilan, I just want to slow it down kasi gusto kong i-treasure lahat ng moments at events na nangyayari sa buhay. Most of all, gusto kong i-treasure at yakapin nang mahigpit 'yong mga taong mahal ko. As they always say, time is gold, it is somethingnakapag lumapas na, natapos na, something that could never be brought back.
I remember when I was young and the world was new, ang saya-saya lahat. Everything was a breeze and simple - no complications, no entanglements and everything is nice. Walang problema, walang iniisip because there were people who're looking after us. Pero ngayon, its time you stand on your own and find your place under the sun. If only I could turn back time, ito' yong mga babalikan ko (Ito rin iyong mga bagay na nami-miss ko):

Ayaw na ayaw mong matulog sa tanghali. Naiinis ka kapag tinatawag ka ng nanay mo para lang matulog sa tanghali, minsan pag nakita mo siya bago ka niya makita ay tinataguan mo pa. Tumakas ka lang nga after mong mag-lunch at hinintay mo siyang mag-siesta para pumuslit at katapugpin sina totoy, nene, boy at kung sino pang kalaro mo para maghabulan hanggang sa lumawit nag mga dila ninyo sa pagod, tapos pauuwiin ka lang para matulog? Wala ka ring pakialam kahit mangamoy kalabaw ka, at mangagsunog ang buhok mo sa araw, masaya kasi ang maglaro lalo na sa gitna ng initan. Favorite mong expression ang “Bati tayo di ba?. Naaalala ko pa dati, kahit anong grabe nang iyakan naming magkakaibigan pagkatapos magsabunutan at mag-away, kinabukasan kami-kami rin ang magkakalaro ng piko, Chinese garter at patintero. Kahit nagsipagsumbungan sa mga nanay dahil nakipag-away ka, lagi mong sinasabi "Hindi naman masakit, e!" pag ikaw yong napuruhan or "Nyenyenyenyenye..buti nga!" pag llamado ka sa laban.
Umiiyak kapag hindi pinayagang maligo sa ulan, tapos dudungaw sa bintana na punungpuno ng hinanakit sa mundo dahil naglalaro sa gitna ng ulan ang lahat ng kalaro mo. Sa lugar na kinalakhan ko na parang probinsiya pa, walang kasingsaya pag umuulan. Kelangan lagi kang present kasi maiinggit ka talaga - maghahabulan pa kayo hanggang makarating sa parang. Bakit hindi ka maiinggit, ang sarap maligo sa ulan, ‘yon yong mga times na kahit nangingitim na yong labi mo sa ginaw, hindi ka talaga uuwi hanggat may pumapatak pang ulan. Ano naman kasi ang gagawin mo sa loob ng bahay kundi magmukmok at kumbinsihing matulog na lang ng nanay mo?
Walang hindi nakukuha sa iyak. Naaalala ko noong bata ako, napaka-untouchable ko. Pag nag-aaway kaming magkakapatid, hindi ako masaling ng mga kuya ko, pero ako libreng sumapak (hahaha) at aamba pa lang ‘yong kamay ng mga kuya ko, iiyak na ako. Lagot sila sa nanay, palo ang aabutin nila! Pag may gusto kang ipabili or may gusto kang makuha, kahit sa mga kalaro mo, luha ang pinakamabisang paraan para makuha yon! Noon, may lisensiya kang umiyak dahil bata ka!
Ang pilay at peklat ay bahagi ng buhay-bata. Madalas kaming umakyat sa mga puno sa parang. Komplete yata lahat ng puno sa amin - mangga, balete, bayabas, kaimito, kamatsili, duhat, bignay at iba pa. Kumpleto din ang lahat ng gulay sa bahay kubo sa tanim ni Kakang Ambo - sitaw, upo, patola, okra, kamatis (prutas pala to!), talong, patatas, talbos ng kamote, ampalaya, malunggay, atbp. Madalas kaming umakyat sa puno ng mangga at ng balete kasi iyon yong pinakamalalagong puno. Gumawa pa nga kami ng treehouse. At nung minsan nahulog si Yeng sa puno ng duhat at halos tatlong buwan ding walang umakyat sa punong iyon dahil tatlong buwan ding naka-semento ang paa ni Yeng. Kami naman sa kakalaro, madalas maging bisita ni Aling Maria dahil madalas ding mapilayan at trangkasuhin, minsan kasi masyadong pisikal 'yong laro namin. Madalas kasi kaming mangaso (hehehe) ng mga kahoy para sa mumunting mga kubo namin sa gitna ng parang. Kung hindi naman pilay, sugat at galos naman sa kaiipon ng dayami at paglalaro ng track and field sa patag. Pinasira man nila nanay 'yong mga kubo namin sa parang dahil ayon sa hatol ni Aling Maria, namatanda daw si Tawe kaya hindi maalis-alis 'yong lagnat pero nong dinala naman sa doctor, tipus pala 'yong sakit!
Kapag pasukan paborito mong araw ang Biyernes at Sabado. Huwebes pa lang gabi, excited na ako. Ang hirap kasi maging pang-umaga sa school, hindi ka puwedeng maglaro kasi maaga pang gigising kinabukasan at may mga assignment pang tatapusin. Pero pag dating ng Biyernes, free na free kang maglaro at abutin ng gabi sa piling ng mga kalaro mo. Hindi mo kailangang gawin ang mga assignments kasi walang pasok bukas. Tapos pupunta pa kayo sa Jollibee kinabukasan (I love you Sabado..)! Tapos makakatulog ka nang mahimbing at may ngiti sa labi dahil bukas, maglalaro ka maghapon!

Ngayon kasi ito na ang drama ko:

Kailangan kong matulog sa tanghali. Kung noong bata ako, ayaw na ayaw kong matulog sa tanghali, nagyon kailangan ko.Bakit hindi, night shift ako? Ngayon, wish ko laging umuwi ng bahay after shift at wala akong balak taguan ang nanay ko, ako na mismo ang natutulog. One trainer once said to me, "Janis, sleep is really a luxury in this industry. Kay pag may time matulog, matulog ka lang!"
Ang fondness at inis sa ulan, depende sa sitwasyon. Pag summer at night shift ka, kailangan umuulan para malamig a matulog per pag bumabiyahe ka naiisip mo'ng mas mainam nga na El Nino n lang lagi --- baha ang kalsada, ang aarte ng mga taxi driver, mahirap sumakay, maputik and daan at higit sa lahat, WALANG BUMIBIYAHENG PEDICAB SAMIN, paano ako maglalakad sa 'gang tuhod na baha!?
Hindi lahat nakukuha sa iyak at higit sa lahat minsan gusto mong umiyak kahit walang dahilan. Familiar ba? I think ito 'yong pina-seryosong part ng maturation/growing up (hindi ko na sinabing "pagtanda"). Minsan dumadating sa buhay ng tao na feeling mo hindi mo na kaya...uupo ka na lang sa isang tabi at iiyak, to at least ease out the burden kahit hindi man tuluyang mawala. Nong mga bata tayo, konting iyak lang makukuha na natin 'yong gusto natin. Nagyon kahit dugo pa ang iiyak mo, balewala pa rin. You just have to accept the fact that there are things not meant to be. Period!
Ang pilay at peklat ay bahagi ng buhay. May mga scars na mas matindi pa sa peklat at may mga fracture na mas nakakatakot kaysa pilay. These are the emotional and social toilings and struggles na hihaharap natin bawat sandali ng buhay natin sa mundo. Mas nakakatakot ang mga results at consequences than the physical scars na iniiwan nito dahil mas humihiwa sa puso at tumatanim sa isip.
Paborito kong petsa and 10th and 25th of the month and favorite days ko in a week ang Thursday at Friday. 10th and 25th? Suweldo kasi 'yon...hahaha...makikita ko na rin si Mr. ATM at si Ninoy (pero, abot tainga ang ngiti ng nanay ko) kasi parang pinawi-withdraw lang sa 'kin ang suweldo ko. Pero okay lang, 'yong mga payslips na itinatago ang nagpapatunay na may silbi ako at tumutulong ako sa Pilipinas --- aba, tax pa lang namin siguradong masayan masaya ang BIR! Thursday and Friday? Kasi restdays ko yan, ang sarap sarap matulog, kung puwede lang na 2days akong wag ng gumising...

Minsan nakaka-miss maging bata. Kung bakit kasi ang bilis ng panahon. Sana mas sinulot ko pa ung childhood ko. Maraming bagay na ginagawa mo non ang hindi na pwede nayon. Ang hirap kumita ng pera, ang daming problema. Pero anu't ano man, masaya pa rin and buhay. At paulit-ulit na sinasabi ni Malen "Ang buhay paganda nang paganda"...at dudugtungan ko yan "Parang tayo...paganda rin nang paganda"....!

Amen.