Whisper

There are things in life you can't change even if you want to - mistakes you want to rectify; broken pieces you want to make whole again and words you wish were left unsaid or words you wish you could've and should've confessed. We would never understand why life has to be lived forward while it was learned backwards.

Reverse Psychology

Your Woman
White Town

Just tell me what you've got to say to me
I've been waiting for so long to hear the truth
It comes as no surprise at all you see
So cut the crap and tell me that we're through

Now I know your heart, I know your mind
You don't even know you're being unkind
So much for all your highbrow Marxist ways
Just use me up and then you walk away
Boy you can't play me this way

Well I guess what you say is true
I could never be the right kind of girl for you
I could never be your woman
I could never be your woman
I could never be your woman
I could never be your woman

When I saw my best friend yesterday
She said she never liked you from the start
Well me, I wish that I could claim the same
But you always knew you held my heart

And you're such a charming handsome man
Now I think I finally understand
Is it in your genes? I don't know
But I'll soon find out, that's for sure
Why did you play me this way?

Well I guess what you say is true
I could never be the right kind of girl for you
I could never be your woman
I could never be your woman
I could never be your woman
I could never be your woman

Well I guess what they say is true
I could never spend my life with a man like you
I could never be your woman.


=====================================

Why do we always blame ourselves if something (ex: relationship) didn’t work out? I watched Moms show yesterday and I guess I was a bit moved by what Bianca Lapuz said regarding her separation with Vhong Navarro. She would ask herself why did it have to happen, quoting from here “Siguro hindi ako maasikaso, siguro hindi ko nagwa ung best ko…” and she wold add “Pero, marami din naman akong sinakripisyo --- nagti-teenstar den ako nun, I gave up my studies…” Sabi ko naman since verything has two sides, kapag hindi balance, talagang magka-crumble, but there are things not meant to be no matter how hard you try or how hard you push to make it happen.

But sometimes hindi naman healthy if we keep blaming ourselves for something that didn’t turn out the way we expect or want it to be. There are things that are already beyond our control, we could only do so much. We can’t chose love to stay if it’s no longer there. We can’t force love to happen if it’s not there at all.

Well naisip ko lang imbes na sisihin natin ung sarili natin at mag-wallow sa self-pity, i-reverse natin… Baka siya naman ‘yong may mali, baka siya naman ‘yong nag-kulang, baka siya naman ‘yong may problema. Stop thinking you weren’t good enough to be loved, not deserving enough. Think of it this way “Bait talaga ni Lord, ayaw niya akong mapariwara. Gusto niya may makilala akong mas okay, BETTER, MAS GUWAPO at MAS MAYAMAN!” hahaha… basta whatever happens it’ll be his loss, not yours….

At paulit ulit nating i-recite yung pinaka-mataray na mantra na naimbento ko (initially para kay Edmund, ngayon para na den kay Jo.Me)

“I wish one day you'd miss me that no matter how hard you search for me, you won't find me. I wish one day you'd remember my face that no matteryou wish to forget, it'd keep haunting you. I wish one day you'd love me that no matter how hard you ignore it, you would always feel the pain. Then you'd be hurt, then you'd cry, then you'd long to be with me, only to realize I was gone and could love you no more...”

As the song goes :

When I saw my best friend yesterday
She said she never liked you from the start
Well me, I wish that I could claim the same
But you always knew you held my heart
(Eto ‘yong dati mong drama)

Well I guess what they say is true
I could never spend my life with a man like you
I could never be your woman…
(addendum: I would never be your woman because I chose not to!)
(Dapat eto na ang drama natin ngayon)

The Art of Letting Go

What's the wisest thing to do if you extremely want something or someone that/who can never be yours (or can never be yours again or was never yours)?

Let go.

Easier said than done. We may defy it, resist it or rebel against it, but that's the way it should be...or the way we should go.

Let go.

This is definitely a big challenge for me as it is for anyone else...
You see, if you've been reading my blog (hahaha...I wish a lot've read it though it seems like Aimz is my only avid fan, not to mention Malen) I couldn't seem to forget him nor let go of the biggest "could've been" or "what if of my life"...Now I've come to realized that the factual thing behind crying bouts and sleepless nights, of being too frustrated and broken-hearted and not being able to move on is due to holding on to him and this special thing we'd shared, too much, way too much. There's still this sense of unreality with and in everything that had happened. There are still alotta unanswered questions...A lotta unspoken words...but...
I simply have to let go. I must let go...

I would like to share this SMS I received from Rajsh :

"There are things in the world that can never be ours...just because of these simple truths....1. They are bad for us...2. They belong to someone else...3. We already lost the opportunity to claim them as our own...and4. They are just not meant to be ours.So if you're caught up with wanting something you clearly can't have, remember : You may trade in all your cards for what you want... in the end, maybe you'll find that it's not something (or someone) you really need."
I am not saying that I've gotten over him, really I don't think it will be any sooner but I definitely say I could and I would. Crying bouts isn't overdue yet but it will soon be, I believe.
It had been too painful loving him and keeping him and it had caused me a lot of miseries, too. I've given up other men in favor of him who might not have any idea or might not love me back or love me in the same way I love him. But that's okay, I believe that though love may not require you to physically wilt and die, there are one too many emotional tortures. I couldn't blame him nor myself because it had already happened and there's nothing I , him or anyone can do to undone it. Maybe I really lost the opportunity to own him when I was too busy living my life and forgot to get his signals and undeliberately hurt him in the process. Little did I know I'd regret over that and lost him forever. Now I coudl only look and love afar and hope for eternal happiness for him. I could only be happy and equally proud of what he had become, successfully finding his place under the sun and standing firmly on it.

I would stop thinking of him that much and start to convince myself that it's a lost cause, that he's not coming back. I have to tell myself the dreaded truth only I refused to acknowledge : He is not mine and he'll never be. I have to move on and live on for I have a full life ahead of me.
It's like telling yourself that it's no use crying over spilled milk and let bygones be bygones, let's charge everything to experience.

He goes east, I'll go west... and we both will live.

That's all for now.

Where is Mr. Right???

Para sa mga singles, separada, ilusyunada, mga bf-less, loveless, may partner pero feeling mo maling tao ung partner mo at sa lahat ng babae...

Reasons why women find it hard to get their men:
- nice men are ugly
- handsome men are not nice
- handsome and nice men are gays
- handsome, nice and hetero men are married
- men who are not so handsome but nice, have no money
- men who are not so handsome but nice and with money think girls are only after their money
- handsome men who have no money are after the girls' money
- handsome men who are not so nice and somewhat hetero don't think the girls are beautiful enough

(I received this SMS from Elai...musta na gurl?!?!?!)

I put that SMS as an opening for this passage because I know it'd really catch attention (It caught mine!) and would instigate arguments from both sexes --- macho pigs from planet Mars and pretty fairies from planet Venus (aka MEN and WOMEN, respectively). For some, the above message conveys bitterness, but for a few, it sounds pessimistic, if not perfectionist. It made the "manhunting" activities of women as somewhat unattainable or impossible and the issue between two sexes irreconcilable. But when I forwarded this to sa friend, she panicked to high heavens --- "My,oh,my Janis...kelangan na nating magmadali, nauubos na sila!" --- as if MEN are chief commodities found in a supermarket. But her panic sent me to deep thinking --- do we really run out of good men, I mean "good men" we could bring home to our mothers and introduce as future homemakers??? Or women today had raised the bar up high that no man could reach the standard?

The above SMS could be summarized by my lifelong Yahoo! signature (w/c I hedonistically created when I was celebrating getting over my lifetime crush, Edmund). The said signature also created rave from people who came across my Yahoo! profile.

"There is no such thing as Mr. Right or the Man of My Dreams, he' s an illusion. There are 3 types of MEN --- one is GAY, the other TAKEN and last, MEN who are looking in the wrong places."

Is there really a special guy out there that's created and meant for you alone? (Received this question from a certain Jelische from Friendster, I dunno why people are sending lots of messages through Friendster asking me a lot of questions and asking me to create a passage or a story they'd like to read --- feeling ko isa akong love guru (loveless at that) na pinagtatanungan at isang batikang manunulat para magbigay katarungan sa kanilang mga kahilingan. FYI : Isa lamang po akong simpleng mamamayan na nagnanais na mailahad ang nilalaman ng aking puso at dahil ito po ay batay sa totoong karanasan ay batid kong maraming makauugnay ng kanilang buhay sa mga sulatin ko.) Going back, do you really belive you have a soulmate? A person whose quest in life is to find you, too and live happily ever after??? Or Mr. Right is just that --- a psuedonym, a fictitious name we, women, give the man we created in our imagination --- created in our dreams, thus, stayed there. Never real, never real. If only we could steal them away from our dreams and hug them for real...(sigh...)
I read once that people are created with only one wing, your quest is to find the other half so you could soar up the sky. The question of the lifetime : Where would I start searching for the the other half of my wing? I dunno, I honestly dunno. It's a cliche that love would just come, that's why it's called falling in love, it just happened, you could never plan ahead, nor create it. I remembered last night we watched a play entitled : The Fifth Prodigal (was one of the best plays I've ever seen!), it was mentioned in the play "Ang pag-ibig minsan lang dumarating sa buhay yan!", well I said to myself and my friends "Minsan nga hindi pa..." then I bitterly thought "Minsan nga dumating na, akala mo yun na...you almost said it's the real thing...pero, hindi pala para sa'yo...".

All women out there are still silently praying that the right one would come along at the exact, right time. Like damsels in distress (heroines in so many fairy tales), we all dream and wish for our Knight in Shining Armors, to save us from life's miseries and give us the ever after happiness we all are yielding and dreaming of. Pero nasaan n nga ba talaga si Mr. Right? A m I standing at the wrong place or talgang naliligaw lang sila sa maling landas (and ended with with bad and bitchy gurls) ???

"There comes a time in a girl's life when she finds herself wishing that someone will just come to rescue her and tell her that it's okay not to be tough, that she doesn't have to protect herself from getting hurt anymore because he's already there to protect her, that she doesn't have to worry about getting her heart broken because he'll do whatever it takes not to let it happen." (SMS sent by Rajsh...mishu na den gurl!)

Sentiments mo rin yan noh?! Aminin....

PS:
Kapag nakita ninyo nga si Mr. Right, pakisabi hinihintay ko siya, ha!